God and Goldfish: Inspiration from Your Friends at Pepperidge Farm

The Internet’s been abuzz this week with news that Patti Burke, a cracker-lovin’ woman from Melbourne, Florida, has had a message from God.

During Holy Week, the earnest Christian woman opened a package of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish (she eats two to three pounds of them every week) and discovered that one of her crackers was misshapen—and that the oddly fashioned cracker featured a cross and a crown.

Sure that she had received a sign from God, Burke called the company, where an employee confirmed that they were not running a special promotion, and that it might indeed constitute a supernatural event.  “They said it sounds like something miraculous happened,” Burke reported.  She’s been carrying her holy little fish carefully cushioned in a hinged jewelry box.

Myself, I’m not one to buy into the “Jesus in my taco” meme, and I’m pretty sure this little fishie is the result of a random baking error.

I do, though, have one concern.  This is what I’ve learned about Goldfish crackers:

• According to the box, one serving consists of 55 crackers.
• A 2.1-lb. package of crackers contains 1,842 crackers—or roughly 33-1/2 servings.
• Three pounds of Goldfish would, then, contain approximately 48 servings.
• A single 55-fish serving contains 10%-11% of the recommended daily sodium content for an average adult.

With my limited math skills, then, I figure that in an average week Patti Burke consumes 480 times the recommended daily sodium intake each week in Goldfish crackers alone.  That doesn’t count any salt from the occasional handful of potato chips she might eat, or any salt she might sprinkle on her eggs in the morning.  At that rate, she might well have a massive coronary and meet her God a whole lot sooner.