Openly straight headlines?

Openly straight pastor officiates big ole straight wedding

Openly straight pastor steals money from congregation


Openly straight cop killed intervening in a domestic violence call

Open straight cop accepts cash to look the other way on drug buy


Openly straight baseball player funds local community center

Openly straight baseball player caught in bed with mistress


Openly straight city council woman votes for public servant raises

Openly straight city council woman arrested for drunk driving


Openly straight kindergarten teacher teaches child to read

Openly straight kindergarten teacher berates child to tears


Openly straight reporter exposes criminal fallacy

Openly straight reporter spins intentional lie


Openly straight husband stops by store to pick up milk, and thinks to grab flowers

Openly straight husband stops by bar on the way home and later breaks wife’s jaw


Openly straight father gently coaches winning little league season

Openly straight father savagely molests daughter


Openly straight soldier saves child from land mine

Openly straight solder rapes colleague


Openly straight CEO gives employees a well-deserved raise

Openly straight CEO pays for prostitute with embezzled funds


Openly straight doctor tells patient he is cancer free

Openly straight doctor dismisses patient’s intuition


Openly straight singer shares gift on pediatric oncology ward

Openly straight singer throws away gift on booze and drugs


Openly straight day trader makes killing on market

Openly straight slave-trader makes killing on humans


Openly straight mom hugs gay child

Openly straight mom tosses gay child to streets


I wonder what other real or amalgamated headlines you can create that sound equally ridiculous with “openly straight” as lead…



A lesbian walks into a garage, oil and minds are changed
If watching TV can turn your kids gay, why am I not straight?
Nasty women in the bible, I love you
I really don't understand how anyone can see Trump as presidential
About Kimberly Knight

Kimberly has a long history of back-pew sitting, Wednesday night supper eatin' and generally trying God’s patience since 1969. She's lucky enough to have made her technology addiction a career and serves as both the Director of Digital Strategy as a southern liberal arts college and Minister of Digital community with Extravagance UCC.

  • RevBill

    Openly straight retired Presbyterian minister openly advocates full inclusion of LGTBQ people into the life of the church.

    • Kimberly

      Awesome sauce RevBill!!