Openly straight headlines?

Openly straight pastor officiates big ole straight wedding

Openly straight pastor steals money from congregation

 

Openly straight cop killed intervening in a domestic violence call

Open straight cop accepts cash to look the other way on drug buy

 

Openly straight baseball player funds local community center

Openly straight baseball player caught in bed with mistress

 

Openly straight city council woman votes for public servant raises

Openly straight city council woman arrested for drunk driving

 

Openly straight kindergarten teacher teaches child to read

Openly straight kindergarten teacher berates child to tears

 

Openly straight reporter exposes criminal fallacy

Openly straight reporter spins intentional lie

 

Openly straight husband stops by store to pick up milk, and thinks to grab flowers

Openly straight husband stops by bar on the way home and later breaks wife’s jaw

 

Openly straight father gently coaches winning little league season

Openly straight father savagely molests daughter

 

Openly straight soldier saves child from land mine

Openly straight solder rapes colleague

 

Openly straight CEO gives employees a well-deserved raise

Openly straight CEO pays for prostitute with embezzled funds

 

Openly straight doctor tells patient he is cancer free

Openly straight doctor dismisses patient’s intuition

 

Openly straight singer shares gift on pediatric oncology ward

Openly straight singer throws away gift on booze and drugs

 

Openly straight day trader makes killing on market

Openly straight slave-trader makes killing on humans

 

Openly straight mom hugs gay child

Openly straight mom tosses gay child to streets

 

I wonder what other real or amalgamated headlines you can create that sound equally ridiculous with “openly straight” as lead…

 

 

About Kimberly Knight

After working for decades in the technology sector, Kimberly Knight graduated from Candler School of Theology with an M.Div in 2009. During her time at Candler she served as an intern in the office of Religious Life at a small liberal arts college in the south where she facilitated worship services and faith formation study groups. Also while at Candler she launched an online congregation where she led progressive Christian worship, bible study and community events in Second Life. The merging of her theological training and technology background led her to serve as the online organizer for The Beatitudes Society for two years and then later as a marketing and social media consultant for The Center for Progressive Renewal. Kimberly has led social media workshops for communities of faith across the nation as well as presented a paper at the AAR, was a featured speaker at Big Tent and organizer of a round-table like event at Wild Goose 2013. Kimberly returned to that small liberal arts college in the fall of 2012 and currently serves as the Director of Digital Strategy. She has a long history of back-pew sitting, Wednesday night supper eatin' and generally trying God’s patience since 1969.

Kimberly currently lives in Decatur while her teenage daughter studies abroad for semester in France. She and her daughter are active members of Kirkwood UCC.