10 things NOT on my homosexual agenda

There are many things on my big ole queer agenda this week, things like –  waking up at stupid o’clock every day, reading in the wee small hours, writing until time to get ready for work, working at a job I love, helping kids with homework, walking my dog, folding laundry, washing dishes, making mistakes, saying sorry when I screw up, praying, going to church, maybe drink a couple ice coffees and grab a dinner with friends.  But just to be clear, there are a few things NOT on my homosexual agenda this week or any other week.

1. Destroying anyone’s marriage. Seems to me straight folks do just fine wrecking their marriages all by themselves thank you.If anything, the fact that MORE people want to buy into this crazy institution should give folks into that sort of thing cause to celebrate.   Our wider culture of instant gratification, objectification of women, a system that punishes the working poor and domestic violence that is quite often sanctioned by the church are far more likely to put asunder what God has joined together.

2. Turning anyone gay. You either are or you aren’t and frankly, ain’t nobody got time for those shenanigans.

3. Brainwashing children. That’s a job best left to folks who want to instill xenophobia in their impressionable offspring – so yeah I’ll pass, thanks. I will though invite more parents to teach love, respect, compassion and kindness to their little stinkers. Oh, but I will speak out against bullies, but hopefully so they can get the help they need to love their neighbors as themselves.

4. Rewriting history. But I am happy to lift up history that includes both the contributions of LGBT citizens and the savage oppression of marginalized folks of all hues, sexuality and nationalities at the hands of some of the land’s finest revisionists. We are your children, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, pastors, police, lawyers, judges, activists – in short – your neighbors. See above note.

5. Denying anyone’s right to free speech. I ardently believe in everyone’s right to speak freely. But just because you HAVE the right does not make what you say right.  I also have the right to point out logical fallacies, theological illiteracy and sociological/psychological ignorance. The right to free speech goes both ways honey-love.

6. Attacking anyone’s freedom of religion.  First of all, by preventing any one religion from controlling the laws of the land we are actually affirming freedom of religion for you and (I know this is hard) EVERYONE.  Secondly, by pointing out that your version of Christianity is NOT the ONLY way to interpret the Bible or live a life of faith oriented toward Jesus is NOT attacking your freedom it is simply calling out your lie that claims that all Christians are conservative bigots with an agenda to turn our nation into a theocracy.  I will today, tomorrow and as long as I have breath deny your false dichotomy of Christian OR gay, Christian OR liberal just as often as I refuse the false dichotomy of Christian OR loving, Christian OR intellectual.

7. Forcing any person to betray their faith. But once you open a sweet little commercial enterprise and are storing up your treasures here on earth, you are subject to the secular laws that govern such endeavors and it just so happens that in some states one of those laws disallows businesses from discriminating against people on the basis of sexuality. Believe what you want, go into your closet and pray that I go back into mine but ask yourself, are you worshipping God or Mammon.  I’m pretty sure Jesus had something to say about that.

8.  Redefining marriage.  If you really believe that marriage has always and only been between one man and one woman, well – bless your heart. I know reading is hard but if you actually take a peek at that Book you like to beat people up with you will see that many forms of marriage are all up in our shared narrative.

9. Forcing my “lifestyle” down anyone’s throat.  If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times. There is NO such thing as a monolithic homosexual lifestyle any more than there is one heterosexual lifestyle.  What I will not do is be afraid to hold the hand of the one I love. What I will not do is live a lie because it makes you uncomfortable. What I will not do is hide because of your ick factor.

10. Remaining silent. Because silence is consent.