Here’s Why The Synod’s”Gospel Of The Family” Message Needs Attention

Today began the concluding 3 weeks of the Extraordinary Synod on the Family in Rome and I am looking forward to following along and hearing about the conversations that will be taking place. I understand that some of the Synod Fathers have agendas they are pushing, and we of course need to protect and preserve the teachings of Christ, but I am not one who believes that Pope Francis is poised to make fundamental changes to those teachings. I believe his agenda is to get some of the critical problems Catholic families face out into the open so they can be unpacked, discussed, and hopefully resolved. After all, isn’t that how we handle our day-to-day problems within our own relationships with others? If you don’t talk about it, the problems only worsen and the relationships only become more estranged.

In the Synod’s Day 1 press briefing, it was noted that “…the aim of the Synod was to “propose the gospel of the family” but also to “echo the hopes and pains of families around the world today.” The “gospel of the family” is a beautiful statement illustrating how we should be approaching our problems. I always tell my children that the family is meant to be a safe environment. It’s a place where you can be yourself and be confident that despite your faults and failings, you will always be loved, accepted and important. Since we as Catholics are family, too, I believe the same definition applies. Our Catholic family should be that kind of environment where people are loved and accepted, and where we help each other become better people through discussing our problems and finding resolutions to them. From the worm’s eye view in our neighborhoods and parishes to the bird’s eve view as a global Church community, we all should be working to help each other become better people, but for some reason we’re having trouble doing that.

What’s Wrong With Our Family?

I recently received a heartbreaking email from someone whose words illustrate my point. Here is an excerpt from that email, shared with permission from the author:

I am a Catholic who was divorced by my husband three years ago when I became seriously ill. We had been married nearly 30 years. I lost all our mutual friends, including those who were Catholic. He transferred to another parish, but I stayed in the parish we had been members of for over 15 years, thinking of it as my home. It turned out to be quite the opposite.

Unfortunately, none of my Catholic friends reached out to me and in my home diocese, there was and still is nothing in the way of emotional, psychological, or spiritual support for someone going through a divorce. I finally turned to a local Methodist Church that offered support groups for people recovering from divorce.

Although I’d served as a Eucharistic minister taking communion to the home-bound, served as a lector, participated in Bible study, and sponsored two people who had come into the Church, as well as attending daily Mass frequently and weekly Adoration on Friday evenings for many years, after my divorce, I was suddenly invisible, erased as it were. I was so isolated, I even experienced several cycles of suicidal loneliness despite my attempts to find new friendships in various diocesan groups The indifference I faced left me bitter, and I finally left the parish for another to escape the temptations to anger and resentment. In effect, I was not loved but shunned.

It is now a little over three years since the divorce and I am much healthier and happier, but not because the Catholic Church cared. I believe I made it through because of my devotion to Our Lady and a prayer life of many years. Christ and his Mother did not abandon me, but the Church did.

I am still a practicing Catholic. As Peter said to the Lord, “Where else shall we go? You have the words of everlasting life.” But I do understand why Catholics facing this kind of indifference leave the Church. I am inclined to think that my experience of abandonment is far more the norm in the Church in this country than not.

I think many Catholics look upon those who are divorced as sinners, and those divorced single parents with children often find themselves in the cold because former friends fear their children will somehow be contaminated by associating with children from a broken family. I speculate that these kinds of attitudes may be behind the consternation many Catholics feel about Pope Francis reaching out to divorced, and even to remarried Catholics. – Mary Margaret Hittinger-Freeman, Tulsa, OK

This theme, “the gospel of the family” is critical to the health of our Catholic family. We need to be more attentive to each other, especially those in divergent situations. As these discussions proceed for the next three weeks, I encourage you to join me in daily prayer for Pope Francis and the Synod Fathers and the inspirations of the Holy Spirit on their conversations.

As always, you can send me your comments and questions to lisa@lisaduffy.com.