The last gasp of the Revolution that Failed

So some scholars from the Protestant Churches Nobody Goes to Anymore and a few tired Catholic scholars of the Woodstock Generation have come out with the new Yet Another Version of the Bible. It’s big selling point: Careful Laundering of the Pronoun Formerly Known as ‘He’. So the “Son of Man” becomes the “Human One” and the language of Genesis get pretzylficated into stuff that only a bureaucrat from the World Council of Church would say like, “with the rib taken from the human, the Lord God fashioned a woman and brought her to the human being”. Seriously, does anybody on earth talk this way?

There are other treasures to mined as well, such as this rendering that might have come from Lilly Tomlin’s Edith Ann character:

God said, “Let the earth grow plant life: plants yielding seeds and fruit trees bearing fruit with seeds inside it, each according to its kind throughout the earth.” And that’s what happened.

Or this unconsciously hilarious palsy-walsy improvement on the Lord’s Prayer:

Our Father who is in heaven, uphold the holiness of your name. Bring in your kingdom so that your will is done on earth as it’s done in heaven. Give us the bread we need for today. Forgive us for the ways we have wronged you, just as we also forgive those who have wronged us. And don’t lead us into temptation, but rescue us from the evil one.

All this gender-neutralization and updating of language to please the ear of people who routinely write memos that sound like an explosion in a tin factory is a classic example of why newer is not always better. In addition to being leaden, it is, in some places heretical. The attempt to gender-neutralize the Faith really petered out about 20 years ago (reaching its high water mark with daffy attempts to reword the Sign of the Cross as “In the Name of the Creator, the Redeemer, and the Sanctifier”.) It never caught on, thank God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Now we are left with some greying libs who have a weird and absurd aversion to using masculine pronouns during the Mass awkwardly turning every “Father”, “he”, “him” and “his” to “God” or “God’s”, while the rising generation just goes ahead and uses the language the Church gave us.

It all reminds me of Fr. Paul Mankowski’s immortal correction of the Battle Hymn of the Republic:

(chanted to no tune in particular)

BEFORE: by Julia Ward Howe

Mine eyes have seen the glory
of the coming of the Lord.
He is trampling out the vintage
where the grapes of wrath are
stored. He has loosed the fateful
lightning of His terrible swift
sword. His truth is marching on!

Glory, glory, Hallelujah!
Glory, glory, Hallelujah!
Glory, glory, Hallelujah!
His truth is marching on!

He has sounded forth the trumpet
that will never call retreat. He
is sifting out the hearts of men
before his judgment seat. Be
swift, my soul, to answer Him; be
jubilant, my feet. Our God is
marching on!

Glory, glory, Hallelujah!
Glory, glory, Hallelujah!
Glory, glory, Hallelujah!
His truth is marching on!

In the beauty of the lilies
Christ was born across the sea,
with a glory in His bosom that
transfigures you and me. As He
died to make men holy, let us die
to make men free. While God is
marching on!

Glory, glory, Hallelujah!
Glory, glory, Hallelujah!
Glory, glory, Hallelujah!
His truth is marching on!

AFTER: Sanitized for your protection

I see God’s approach; it is good.
God makes wine with God’s feet, from
non-union grapes. Brightness flashes
from the decision-making apparatus.
God’s worldview is currently earning
Give honor repeatedly to the god
of our tradition.
We have owned our values.

A musical instrument is summoning
many people, including women of
color, into God’s presence for ongoing
evaluation. I must walk quickly
and say yes to this invitation.

God’s worldview, after all, is earning
widespread respect.
Give honor repeatedly to the god
of our tradition.
We have owned our values.

Our Faith Leader had a non-Western
agrarian background. His talents and
abilities changed our lives for the
better. We should make great efforts
for civil rights because he did for
world peace. God’s worldview, we
recall, is earning widespread
respect.

Give honor repeatedly to the god
of our tradition.
We have owned our values.


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