Dearest Minions, Suckups, Toadies and Dribbling Sycophants:

I am gratified to report that not only has Patheos graciously restored the little dealie that tells me how many followers I have (over on the right rail), but as an extra-special Dark Lord bonus, I actually really and truly have 666 followers!

In celebration of this delightful serendipity, I will suspend playing Meatloaf’s Greatest Hits over the loudspeakers in the Pits of Despair during lunch today.

Also, follower #666 is entitled to an extra ration of thin watery gruel–just because I feel all tingly and full of beans today.

Tomorrow we will resume your normal regimen of pointless suffering and  the thrilling pleasure of my voice and face monologuing  about my Visions for the Future and my brilliant plan to ignite the atmosphere–all pouring at top volume from the hundreds of flickering black and white screens bombarding you from every direction.  In time you will grow to… love me… serve me…obey my every capricious whim.

That is all!

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  • James

    But when I go to get my forehead tattooed, should I just get “666” or should I get a UPC code with my banking information on it?

  • James

    There. I just spoiled your fun. I’m number 667. I just saved your soul from eternal damnation.

    • Mark Shea

      Thanks. You’re a nice guy. I’ll kill you last!

  • John C

    My only desire is to become your willing thrall. Use me!

  • Some Old Guy

    Assuming that our ranking, in order of most important to least important, is: minions, suck-ups, toadies, and dribbling sycophants; how does one a) find out specifically which category one is in; and b) get promoted to the next higher rank?

  • Gary Keith Chesterton


    • Hey, any day I can avoid the number 666 is a good day for me. Besides, I have a secret plan that has yet to be implemented. Mawahahahaha!

  • Marthe Lépine

    Are you sure it is 666? I was looking at older posts and saw a 669 somewhere a couple of months ago…

  • Well isn’t that a coincidence?

  • Martial Artist

    @Mark Shea,

    Well, it looks like your license on ‘666’ was short-lived.

    Pax et bonum,
    Keith Töpfer

  • Cantorboy

    “Dearest Minions, Suckups, Toadies and Dribbling Sycophants:”
    Fine! You wanna’ dis’ us groveling lickspittles? Go ahead smart guy! That’s one less follower YOU’LL get!

  • Ken Jones

    I live to enhance your bean fullness.
    …and maybe a few other things, too, but not many. Nope.


  • Linebyline

    You think you’re special? Pfft. Jennifer Fulwiler’s pits of despair have color TVs.

    Which always play the Weather channel.

    • Mark Shea

      I taught her everything she knows–and gave her that Siamese cat she slowly strokes as she sits behind the mahogany table in her giant leather chair while she hatches her evil plots.

      • Linebyline

        I have no response for that.

        You win.