Things I Feel Bad About

So one of the little annoyances in life for me (emphasis on little) is People Who Add You To Facebook Groups Without Asking. It’s not a big huge thing. It’s just… pesky. The FB system is designed, not so the onus is on the add-er to get your permission before adding you, but on you, the add-ee to laboriously go to the group, click the “Leave Group” thingee and get un-added once some random stranger has decided to stick you in this group, whatever it is.

I’ve repeatedly put up a little notice asking people not to do this, but of course, not everybody sees it and so, several times a week I get added to Quilters for Christ or Let’s All Scream that Obama is the Antichrist or LOL at Funny Cats or Hey Total Stranger Can You Give me Money? or I Am Hot Russian Babe Looking for Wealthy American Male or If You Don’t Join This Group Then You Hate God and Should Feel Guilty or the million and one other groups that people start and then chuck me into without so much as a by your leave.

Simcha Fisher, Professional Weisenheimer, saw one of my bleats requesting that nobody ever again add me to a group without asking me first, promptly started a group called Citizens Against Adding People to Facebook Groups Without Their Permission and added me to it without my permission as its second member after her. No one has ever found her body.

Seriously, I loved the gag, laughed and mentioned it on FB, prompting a wave of applications for membership that threatened to create a paradox vortex that nearly sucked the universe into a black hole of logic. Membership now stands at 60+ and more come daily. We don’t actually do anything in the group, which is what I want from a group blog. Now whenever somebody adds me, I reply “Please do not add me to groups without asking” and post a link.

Anyway, earlier today somebody added me to a new group devoted to “Catholic Quotes” (without asking me, as usual). So, as it my custom, I went to the group to post a link to CAAPTFBGWTP and (cleverly, I thought) wrote:

“Please do not add me to Facebook Groups without my permission.” – Mark Shea

…then I left the group, as I have done many times from other groups.

An hour or so later I got a FB message on my page from the guy who had added me. He told me I had “bitch slapped” him and was obviously quite hurt. Then he blocked me so that I can’t contact him.

I feel bad about it. It’s one of those things where you’re so busy congratulating yourself on how funny you are that you don’t bother to think that it will make somebody who was just trying to be friendly feel stupid. I doubt the guy who added me to the group will see this (and I don’t want to mention his name for fear of embarrassing him further). But if he does see this, I apologize. I was a smart alec and not thinking in terms of charity or consideration for the feelings of others. Mea culpa. If somebody who is in the Catholic Quotes group sees this and can pass it on to him, I’d appreciate it.

Me and my big mouth.

  • http://breadhere.wordpress.com Fran Rossi Szpylczyn

    I happened to see his remarks to you as they went by in my feed. He did seem a bit over the top!

  • Dustin

    Makes me hate life!

  • Karl Keating

    I too get added to groups frequently. Invariably they’re groups I never would think of joining on my own (if I joined any groups at all, which I don’t). Until Facebook comes up with a preferences switch that prevents unasked-for groupings, all I can do is leave the group. Well, I do a bit more than that. I immediately unfriend the person who put me in the group. I don’t care if his intentions were good. His manners weren’t.

  • Oregon Catholic

    “bitch slapped”

    Is that a Catholic Quote?

    • Mark Shea

      I believe “Canis percussit” is the Catholic quote.

      • Bob

        (velut) a canicula depalmatus would be more accurate, methinks. :-)

        • Bob

          But I certainly sympathize with your plight re facebook groups, particularly because things used to be the other way round. You used to have to join a group if you wanted to receive something from it.

    • http://www.seraphicsinglescummings.blogspot.com Seraphic

      My very question. If I’m a woman and I say I am shocked and offended by a Catholic using such a term in the context of Catholicims, does that make me a bitch? And do bitches deserve slapping? What is a bitch-slap, anyway? Is it delivered by a bitch, or is it given to a bitch? And if you get bitch-slapped, would our Lord suggest you turn the other cheek? I’m pretty sure, however, that our Lord would not be using an expression so disrespectful of women.

    • http://www.seraphicsinglescummings.blogspot.com Seraphic

      My very question. If I’m a woman and I say I am shocked and offended by a Catholic using such a term in the context of Catholicims, does that make me a bitch? And do bitches deserve slapping? What is a bitch-slap, anyway? Is it delivered by a bitch, or is it given to a bitch? And if you get bitch-slapped, would our Lord suggest you turn the other cheek? I’m pretty sure, however, that our Lord would not be using an expression so disrespectful of women.

  • Steve P

    “This meeting of the Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things will now come to order…”

    • Brian

      I don’t want to alarm anybody, but this building is surrounded by Internets.

  • http://family-centered.com Michele Q.

    I’m in that group. :) What I also find pesky is group messaging. Not the kind where it’s a group of friends trying to plan a get together but the kind where you message me and 900 of your friends about some latest thing you have going or “please like my page”. Then I get every blessed reply. Every “sure” and “hey thanks” and “you’re welcome”. PLUS as an added bonus, if I leave the conversation, I get to have that advertised as “so and so has left the conversation” and everyone gets to see what a schmuck I am for not wanting to be in the never ending conversation about someone’s ever so important whatever thing. Yeah, totally pesky.

    • http://far-above-rubies-and-pearls.blogspot.com/ Alisha

      ^This!^ thank you

  • ds

    Facebook is bad and you should feel bad!

    • Hezekiah Garrett

      It took me 2 months and many trials, but I finally quit FB several months ago. Supposedly there is no trace of me left there.

  • JDH

    Mark, in the Catholic tradition, this is what we call “justice.” I posted a smart alec sarcastic comment on your blog a few weeks ago, full of smart alec-y sarcasm. It was mistakently taken seriously, and before I turned around I was blocked! Thankfully, we cleared that up, but obviously you were not sufficiently contrite. Perhaps there is something to that whole karma thing after all! Or not.

    But in all seriousness, that guy needs to take a deep breath. It is an imposition to add someone to a group without their permission, and with that action should come the expectation that some people are not going to welcome it, and they aren’t bad people for so not doing. As a culture, I think we’re still working out online etiquette, but we clearly need to get to the point where being “blocked” is not seen as a violent act.

  • Dr Zurui

    There’s worse: people tagging you on poster-type pictures (the kind usually found in the cesspools of the Web). It’s harder to remove and it gets more publicity on your newsfeed. And that offensive claptrap is beyond annoying, too (“why did I get my name on a poster proclaiming that world hunger could be solved by the Vatican selling their art? Or that the Jesuits are the puppet masters behind the Illuminati and the Bilderberg group?”).

  • Ted Seeber

    Facebook programmers need to go back to school and learn UI design.


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