As a Result of Francis’ Footwashing…

I feel I have no alternative but to come out in favor of ordaining both women and Muslims. Clearly, this is the will of the Holy Spirit.

Also, after reflection, I have to say that I believe the Second Vatican Council was called in order to prepare the Church for the full revelation of the Truth, articulated here so skillfully by our greatest living actor:

Henceforth, I will be an apostle of the New New Evangelization. Cathentology is, I believe, the final synthesis of knowledge. I look forward to the One World Civilization of FemiThetan ChristoMuslim Oneness. Join us!

A very special announcement!
Death and Laughter
Exalted Felicitations of the Day!
A Joyous Day for Christians and Geeks
  • Jmac

    So are you selling Thetan indulgences now?

  • Stu


    Tom Cruise is not an actor.

    • Joseph Drake

      I’m glad someone finally said it.

  • Kate

    Dude….! I have been waiting for this one all day! Huzzah! And exalted felicitations of the day to you too! You the man! Thanks for the laugh.

    • Rosemarie


      Yeah, me too. I was starting to get worried when I didn’t see any professions of faith in Scientology or Zoroastrianism or the like on the blog this morning. :-)

  • Joachim

    And with your Spirit. Did you hear that Francis has also renounced the charism of infallibility? Someone released the story on THIS DATE for a reason. ;{)

    • Andy, Bad Person

      But if Francis declares the charism of infallibility to be gone (which is a teaching on faith), how can we be sure that his statement is true?

  • Will

    But make sure you pay the new UN Internet taxes on this post.

  • Pavel Chichikov

    I’ll meet you tonight at the heretic burning. Show your credentials to an albino monk. A repast afterwards of lizards’ livers will be served.

  • Irksome1

    I’m guessing that you’re going to use this post to inaugurate your support for ending the celibacy requirement for lesbian priestesses?

    • Mark Shea


  • Maolsheachlann O Ceallaigh

    Making fun of Scientologists is the last acceptable prejudice.

    Well, that and mullets.

    • Andy, Bad Person

      I don’t think making fun of Scientology is a prejudice.

      I know plenty of things about Scientology that are ridiculous.

  • freddy

    “I Joined Cathontology and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt. Which I Made Myself. In The Slave-Sweatshop.”

  • Harry Piper

    You forgot to mention that all our theology will be written in accordance with the wishes of Quantum Physics, our new Holy Spirit.

  • Rock

    Maybe we should point out to the hyperventilating trads what Bergoglio actually says about big T tradition:

    “For me also the essence of what remains is in the testimony of the Fathers. In our case, that of the Apostles. In the third and fourth centuries they theologically formulated truths of faith revealed and transmitted that are not negotiable, inheritance. That does not mean that throughout history study and research does not shed light on finding those truths as Jesus, as Jesus is configured as configured Church as the true Christian behavior, such as commandments. All this is enriched with explanations. Some things are debatable, but – again – the inheritance is not negotiated. The content of religious faith is likely to be deepened by human thought, but when that deepening collides with inheritance it is heresy. Anyway, religions tune some expressions with time, although it is a slow process because of the sacred bond we have with the inheritance received. Such is the respect that we must be careful not to screw it up by going too fast. A Medieval theologian expressed this progress in the understanding of inheritance, the revelation received: ‘The legitimate ruler of all progress and all growing right standard are that the inheritance is consolidated by years, enlarged by time, refined by age.’ … I admit that the pace of this development can not follow the speed of social change, but leaders and saints are seeking the voice of God, they have to take the time to go find the answers. We also run the risk of mixing other economic, cultural, geopolitical. You have to know the difference.”

  • CathyLouise

    Wow. I made it through 6 minutes of the video and had to stop. I think there were 2 coherent sentences.

  • Joseph Drake

    Mark, if in your new church you will substitute sacramental coffee for sacramental wine, I’m in. And I think you should make April 1st your main high holy day.

  • Noah D

    I have no alternative but to come out in favor of ordaining both women and Muslims.

    Bah. You don’t go nearly far enough, Mark.

    We should ordain feet.