If America Were a Person, Her Loved Ones Would Stage an Intervention

As drugged up as Lindsay Lohan, paranoid and spying on everybody, getting into fights with strangers, climbing into bed with people who tried to kill her just a few years ago, full of messianic certitude about her mission to save the world while simultaneously shouting that nobody can tell her what to do, constantly swinging between declaring herself the Greatest and talking as though her death from shadowy enemies is imminent, armed to the teeth, but subsisting on junk food, swaggering on minute and jumping at her own shadow the next, a sex addict and an abortion zealot, obsessed with control while trying throw off all moral limits, addicted to pleasure and starving for happiness, eager to kill the weak and commit suicide, yet hoping to live forever by cannibalizing her children.

Seriously, if this was a person we’d lock her up.

  • Joseph

    Not really. If this was a person, most Americans would be happy watching her unravel in the tabloids or on Jerry Springer while patting themselves on the back for their moral and intellectual superiority (which is kind of what we’re doing by complaining about her problems on blogs instead of trying to *lock her up*, right?). The world, who has long wished for this mental collapse, is actually eating popcorn while, by their teasing, causing her to spin around swinging wildly at bat-like creatures seen only through her drug-induced hallucinations. It’s great entertainment for all, though the reasons may vary.

    • http://blog.goliard.us/ Blog Goliard

      If it’s wicked to have “long wished” for an individual’s descent into madness, and to look on with self-satisfied amusement when it happens, then it’s a million times more wicked to take this view regarding a whole country.

      • Dillon T. McCameron

        A country is worth a million immortal souls? I reckon some countries are more impediments to the salvation of the countrymen therein, and perhaps even to those in the world at large, than they are help…despite the stability they may offer.

        • http://chicagoboyz.net/ TMLutas

          This particular country is 300 million immortal souls. What is the country if not the people who reside therein. Here, sir, the people rule.

          • Dillon T. McCameron

            …Contains 300 million souls. Said souls might have been born or moved to anywhere. The souls will endure when memory of the nation has passed from history. There is no mystical body of America.

            What is a country? It’s a political association spread across a territory and admitted by most of the other clubs. And with enough guns to force the point if not.

            The people? Surely not *all* the people? “Eligible voters” comprise a very small segment of the total American population through history; besides, rule was supposedly lent to/through law through executive, legislature, and judiciary.

            Perhaps you meant in a much broader way that the people rule? That is, that no authority can exist except for the consent of those under it? While very much so in the revolutionary spirit of the fading Enlightenment era, it ignores the very practical reality that a modern bureaucracy and a modern military can hold an entire population in line.

            • http://chicagoboyz.net/ TMLutas

              Yes, the people. Go reread the 1st amendment more carefully. You can change govt policy here absent the vote. Contemplate the petition right.

              The american understanding of authority is that God grants it to the people who then loan it out to the government. This makes getting politics correct much more important because you are implicating in a real way the souls who lent the power.

              Ultimately it is a person who pulls the trigger, builds the road, etc. all government action is not an abstraction separate from souls. It is the action of souls.

              • Dillon T. McCameron

                Even the Constitution was constructed and signed by only a few, and then placed upon the rest. Ignoring the wide segments of society that didn’t get a say at all at the time, it’s hardly an example of democratic rule: more of a demagogic oligarchy, all honor to the intellectuals and statesmen, as to the labcoats of today.

                I was unaware there was an uniquely American theology, much less that it was monolithic. Begs the question, though: why should anyone care of a particular nation’s concept of God? Would the nation not imagine a patron deity, as Athena was to Athens, and that said deity’s providence would guide them to some…manifest destiny.

                “all government action is not an abstraction separate from souls”

                “Government is the only thing we all belong to,” eh?

                • http://chicagoboyz.net/ TMLutas

                  Authority does not equal theology, an equation which quickly breaks down into absurdity if you pursue the idea for any length of time.

                  Regarding the Constitution, you forgot that it did not go into effect until it was ratified, something that all the states took up as a question to put to a vote.

                  Government is what we do in a democratic republic. We fund it. We vote for it. We assent to and often directly participate in it. We do not belong to it. It belongs to us.

  • Pavel Chichikov

    “….patting themselves on the back for their moral and intellectual superiority…”

    Yeah, noted.

  • Elmwood

    Mark, you’re not making any friends with your America bashing. Didn’t you get the memo about American Exceptionalism?

    • Andy, Bad Person

      Can’t tell if sarcastic or obtuse. Please advise.

    • Marthe Lépine

      Over a century ago, Pope LeoXIII wrote an encyclical letter about american exceptionalism, and it seems to me that it is still valid now. And if my memory is correct, it is a heresy. Mark wrote about it several weeks ago.

      • http://chicagoboyz.net/ TMLutas

        In matters papal, it is wise to be precise. Pope Leo XIII recognized and celebrated certain exceptional features of America and condemned others as heresy. You can find both in the letter you reference. It is unhelpful to go beyond Pope Leo and be to be too broad in condemning, including matters that Pope Leo XIII actually praised. There are certain risks of heresy to be found particularly in America. It is useful to remember that and guard against the sins that America makes easier to fall into. That is not the sum and total of american exceptionalism.

  • John Barnes

    “As the astronauts soar into the vast eternities of space, on earth the garbage piles higher; as the groves of academe extend their domain, their alumni’s arms reach lower; as the phallic cult spreads, so does impotence. In great wealth, great poverty; in health, sickness; in numbers, deception. Gorging, left hungry; sedated, left restless; telling all, hiding all; in flesh united, forever separate. So we press on through the valley of abundance that leads to the wasteland of satiety, passing through the gardens of fantasy; seeking happiness ever more ardently, and finding despair ever more surely.” -Malcolm Muggeridge

  • http://chicagoboyz.net/ TMLutas

    Mark, we have a tremendous pharma revolution that’s been underway for decades. Instead of a life threatening operation that costs a couple of hundred grand, you take a $50/month pill that fixes the same problem. It’s a tremendous cost savings which also increases the quality of life. You’re lumping in really sick people who would have been already dead in past decades with head cases like Lohan who is, at best, a profoundly wounded soul and self-medicating around a hole in her heart that is better filled with the gospels.

    We are mis-medicating a lot of things. You aren’t helping with this post.

    • Marthe Lépine

      TM, I like your comment about prescription drugs. There are some conditions, like my own thyroid gland under-functioning, that will require prescription medication for the rest of my life. The study quoted does lump together many very diverse situations that do require treatment. And who says that most people’s current level of stress due to living conditions that they are not responsible for creating is not a legitimate reason to require medical treatment?


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