Pope Francis appoints Kathleen Sebelius next Archbishop of Chicago

No.  Really.  It’s on the web and everything, so it’s obviously true.

In other news, authorities report a series of “thick, meaty-sounding ‘thuds’ from the basements of the houses of various Rorate Caeli contributors’ mothers.  Witnesses report voices crying out “DEEP! SPIRITUAL! PAIN!” seconds before the muffled explosions.  “It sounded like an M80 going off inside a watermelon” said one man who happened to be walking past the house.  “Like when them Martians listen to Slim Whitman music in that ‘Mars Attacks’ movie.  Not a pretty sight.”

In other news, Tom McDonald has advice and pity for hysterics.

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