I am interested in other responses to your question but thought I would give you my input. I should preface by saying that I am in no way an authority, but I have given much thought to this.
In my opinion, only you can answer the questions that you asked. I think we (in general) have the tendency to want things to be “cut and dried,” or black and white. We want things spelled out for us- do this/don’t do that. This makes it easy for us to know exactly where we stand.
But in reality, I think it is more complicated than this. For example, who is better off- the person that goes to church every week and appears to everyone to be very righteous but that really only cares about the appearance of righteousness, or the person that may miss church but truly loves and serves his/her neighbor, loves God, and strives to show this love by keeping the commandments as best as he/she can?
Does that make sense? Only Heavenly Father perfectly knows us, our desires, our unique situations/experiences, and our intentions.
In my opinion, the fact that you feel guilty and ashamed about masturbation indicates that you should do something about these feelings. It might be that you should talk to your bishop about it; it might be that you just need to pray and ponder about it. One way or another, you need to find peace.
If masturbation automatically makes one unworthy of a temple recommend, I hope someone will tell me soon, because I’ve got some repenting to do!
I appreciate your thoughts and comments. Guilt and shame are interesting topics because there are times when it is appropriate to have these feelings and there are times when it is not. Or even more confusing, it can be appropriate to have these feelings, but not at the intensity we attribute them. And this can be a difficult process to sift through.
I think it is important to remember that guilt has a purpose as a tool from God – it reminds us when we are doing or contemplating doing something wrong to get back on the right path. There are some legitimate things to feel bad about. However, it’s purpose is not to throw us into the depths of depression or low self-worth. Because when we get to the point of feeling unnecessarily badly about ourselves, it can be very difficult to gather the energy needed to get back on the path previously mentioned.
Feelings of guilt can legitimately come from the “pricking” of the spirit. They can also come from environmental forces that we have been subject to and taught from (i.e. the culture we were raised in, the family we were raised in, the way in which our religion was taught to us, etc.). It is difficult, yet imperative, that we all strive to clarify these sources of guilt for ourselves through self-awareness, study, prayer and questioning.
It is also imperative that when dealing with guilt, sin, shame, etc., we always have at the forefront of our minds that we have a saviour Jesus Christ who loves us, has atoned for us, and wants us to succeed. He does not want us to use guilt as a wallowing place. Only as a quick state of being to get us headed in a better, healthier, and happier direction.
The Mormon Therapist
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