Do you have any thoughts/experience regarding masturbation being used as an exercise to improve your sexual relationship with your spouse?
- These exercises have the specific purpose of enhancing and improving the overall sexuality of the marriage. They are not being used for selfish reasons and are negotiated and agreed upon by both partners.
- I believe in “relational sexuality” supported by the stance of the church that sexual behaviors be decided upon by marital partners in a way that is cooperative and comfortable (leaving out anything coercive, forceful or abusive). If the couple jointly agrees that these exercises are in the benefit of their sexual future, then they have the physical and spiritual right to make this decision for themselves. This falls under their marital stewardship.
- I encourage everything occurring sexually within a marital system to take into account the needs of both partners, to be open and disclosed – it is only when masturbation is done in secrecy or in disagreement that it can cause marital tension, a sense of betrayal and/or a disinterest in sexual unity.
- Your joint goal is to have a healthy, satisfying, bonding and pleasurable sex life. Treating PE is part of the sexual journey you are both on towards that worthy goal. So using treatment strategies such as masturbation, joint stimulation, medication, sensate focus, etc. is, as you well stated, the “resourceful” thing to do. Not doing so would more than likely cause ongoing and unnecessary conflict, frustration and sadness for both you and your wife.
I encourage you and your wife to see your PE treatment as a sexual adventure and journey you are embarking on together. I also encourage you to clearly see PE as the enemy, not each other. This is neither one of your fault. You may not have wanted PE as one of your trials, and that is understandable. At the same time, going through this treatment will open up doors and possibilities within not only your physical intimacy – but your spiritual and emotional intimacy as well. Ones you may not have otherwise experienced. I wish you both the very best.