Impact Of and Healing From Infidelity

Check out my latest podcast on Mormon Mental Health where I interview Adam Fisher, regarding infidelity and its implications for marital and family systems.  We discuss different forms of betrayal/infidelity, how couples can navigate through the tremendous pain which follows, how some marriages will dissolve and other marriages survive and even thrive after such an event and the importance of taking time to heal, to rebuild trust and to develop boundaries.

Adam Fisher is a doctoral student in counseling psychology, with minors in human sexuality and sport psychology. He writes for Kinsey Confidential, the sexual health and information site of the Kinsey Institute. Adam has completed clinical training in many secular and religious settings, including Catholic Charities and LDS Family Services. He is currently working on his dissertation, investigating predictors of divorce when one partner experiences a change in religious beliefs or activity.

Other resources:

After the Affair by Janis Abrahms Spring

Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering your Sanity after Infidelity by Shirley P Glass

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples by John Gottman

Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson

  • Emily R

    I appreciate that a lot of work and enery go into making podcasts but I don’t listen to podcasts and am disappointed that you have stopped bloggng in favor of that medium of communication.

  • Natasha Helfer Parker

    Thanks Emily for the feedback. I will definitely get back to writing. I think I’ve just needed a “writer’s block” break. :)

  • Stacey

    Well here I am I have so much to say At 8 I was baptized in to the church of Jesus Christ of Latterday saints and have lived the gospel my whole life I really struggle right now because well 4 yrs ago I had a full blown out affair on my husband all because i had been emotionally abandoned by him and didnt feel important or loved by him. I lost my membership in the church and continued the affair for 2 years so much happened my husband ended up forgiving me and loveing me like he was suppose to and i kept thinking if only he had done it when I asked him to I wouldnt be where I am now any ways through all this I fell head over heels for this other man but realized i am still in love with my exhusband but the other man wants me to marry him he treats me ok sometimes but can be controling and doesnt understand what it takes to co parent with a nother parent when you have 3 children with them i do spend a lot of time with my ex and we do things to gether as a family all the time I dont hate him and he doesnt hate me we really enjoyeach others company any way s a little over a year ago i got re baptized and worked my way to get back in to the temple recently I got my temple recomend back and now I am going back to the temple I am really excited to be back at the temple I know i am still sealed to my ex husband which does not bother me i figure it is some thing that will be worked out in the end of every thing any ways I really struggle with is I dont know how to work some one else in to my life with the way me and my ex co parent we are both very involved with our children and there really is no space for any one else i dont even know how to make roome for any one else he is not going any where as I am not going any where either the guy I have been kinda seeing wants to be the one involved with taking kids places like dance socer ect but i always tell him that their dad will always get first dibs and he does not like that it is a very different type of diforce the kids are welcome to go stay with their dad when ever they want he is welcome to have dinner at my house when ever he wants as he doesnt have much food in his house because i take 1/3rd of his income due to child support so i feel like i owe him I dont like any of this it actually kills me inside to watch a man who tries so hard to do every thing right by his family never get a head all because of me I hate to see him struggle i sometimes feel it would be best if i just made it work with him because i honestly cant picuture how I would put some one else in my life with him you see me and my ex husband have been best friends for 24 years and i dotn want to destroy that friendship at all he is still my best friend I really need help but I have a tough time trying t make decisons becuase my love for the other man is unimaginable i would do any thign for him if he asked in fact I have but i have also hurt him as well by lying and cheating on him he has given me chance after chance and I dont know what to do I know he loves me so much and wants to be with me and sex with him is amazing and way better then it was with my ex but really is sex every thing I dotn think so i believe friendship is the basis for every good relationship and i have prooved that over and over with my ex this other guy gets mad if i go on camping trips with my ex or dance festivals to watch our daughter compete you see my ex says if the other guy came to the festival he would not come to watch his daughter dance so because i feel like I need to put my daughter first ahead of me i tell the other guy he cant come and he gets mad i feel like I am to let this guy go I know I could be loved happy and truly loved the way i would love to be loved with him but becuase of the tension between all three of us i dont feel i could do it i dotn know if my happiness is what matters most any more i am so ready to give up but I need some advice I dotn know how to move forward from this Please help me Please I really need guidance and help and comfort i feel so confused I am trying to please evey one else but me but you also see I miss my old life i know a life withmy ex i could have my very comfortable life back but a life with the other i will struggle my whole life he doesnt have a lot of desire and is not active in the church and I knwo it would be a struggle every day I know he can not take care of me and my kids and i am almost 40 I dont want to be 40 and alone and starting over i really need help please any one help me give me advice and Please be kind i beat my self up enough over all this with out haveing more people beat me up more over it.

    I just really need some good insite to every thing i am feeling