Bipolar

Written by LDS poet, Kerri B. with permission to publish.

 

Bipolar

Every emotion so strong
Feeling everything and every moment
Ups and downs and in betweens
Coloring my world

Joy and heartbreak
Energized and drained
Passion and apathy
Never knowing what the day will bring

Days, weeks, months in tears
Then fine
Driving others away
No, pay attention to me

Sex drive up
Sex drive gone
Angry at everything
I want to scream

Depression swallowing me whole
Misery so complete there’s no light
Hopeless, falling forever
Longing for a knife

Then a switch is flipped and I’m fine
Now a new emotion is center stage
Anger, frustration, elation, distraction
Spin a wheel, what comes next?

Up so high, energy abound
Self control a thing of the past
Mind jumping from thought to thought
Sleep a foreign idea

Irritation and exasperation
Nothing is okay
Voices grate down my spine
Just shut up!

This thing pains my days, my life
Bringing frustration and agitation,
But also feeling to every moment
Feelings that I’m afraid to do without

Memories of medication after medication
Taking away my self, my center
Becoming an automation
Just going through the motions

Fearing what to do next
One option seems as bad as the next

Can’t think, can’t concentrate
How can I thrive?
No…
Just survive?

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