the perfect Christian body

the perfect christian body cartoon by nakedpastor david hayward
(click on the image: nakedpastor’s art can be found in his online gallery)

Ha! This cartoon is based on a bunch of lies I was fed by the church by misled and misleading individuals. I kid you not, but I’ve been told all these things, so I decided to construct a conglomerate of them all. Here you go:

  1. “Worldly eauty is a distraction from the beauty of God’s.” (eyes)
  2. “Do not question authority!” (nose to smell a rat)
  3. “You must always carry the burdens of your brothers.” (shoulders)
  4. “Your hands are only to receive from God and for giving to people.” (right hand)
  5. “Women’s breasts cause men to lust.” (breasts)
  6. “There can be no sin in your life.” (anus)
  7. “Emotions are evil and can lead us away from God.” (heart)
  8. “Don’t lean on your thoughts but lean on God.”
  9. “Your feet are to only bring the good news.” (feet)
  10. “Knees where made for kneeling in prayer.” (knees)
  11. “Sex came after the fall so it is of our sinful nature.” (genitals)
  12. “You must always examine yourself before the Lord.” (navel)
  13. “Use your hands to hold God’s Word.” (left hand)
  14. “You are stiff-necked!” (neck)
  15. “If you aren’t always joyful then you are not fully mature in the Lord.” (smiley face)
  16. “Ears are for hearing God’s word so that you may have faith.” (ears)

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That’s what my wife Lisa says.

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  • Brilliant! Simply brilliant!

  • thanks calledtoquestion

  • D. L. Silverman

    How can he do any naval-gazing without any eyes? 😛

  • inwardly? good question.

  • april

    where’s the desperately wicked heart?? 😉

  • ya you can’t have a wicked heart and be heartless in the same picture. but i get your point 😉

  • “If you’re not always joyful then you are not fully mature in the Lord.”
    Haha I’ve definitely heard that one. Thanks for the post! Made my day.


  • Lauren

    Exactly why I left the church…and have been unable to comfortably find a new one. Especially the, “you must be 100% happy 100% of the time no matter what’s going on….if it’s bad, we don’t want to hear about it”….this is spot on.

  • Wow… I think you and I grew up in the same church, being taught the same stuff. I love the artwork!

  • maybe we did brandi 🙂