have you lost yourself?

sophia hills drawing by nakedpastor david hayward
(click on image to shop for sophia drawings)

I’ve been busy creating my Sophia book, “The Liberation of Sophia”. I have over 50 drawings. There are still some originals available, and they are all available as fine art prints. I’m compiling the several posts I have already written about her and tweaking them.

I love the one and only canonical story about Jesus as a boy found in Luke 2: 41-52. His mom and dad took him on a trip to Jerusalem. On their way home they realize he isn’t with them. They desperately search for him. After three or four days they find him back in Jerusalem sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. Mary freaks out and he responds that they didn’t need to worry. He had to be about his father’s business.

I often wonder if this one story found its way into the gospels to show the continuity of Jesus’ life. Never could anyone say, “Jesus, you’ve changed!” No. He was the same as an adult as he was as a boy. In fact, the way he was as a boy became more pronounced as a man. He was uncontrollable. He could not be tethered. Sometimes he couldn’t be tracked down. He had his own schedule and his own to-do list. He was on a mission. He was a teacher. He was passionate about the things of God. He was free. He was accountable to no one but his Father. That never changed. This was, for Jesus, typical.

I was working on this Sophia image and story today, “Hills”. Sophia dreams about her childhood. She remembers walking alone in the woods feeling so brave and free. In fact, she wasn’t even intentionally brave. She just felt as though the world was hers and that she belonged in it and lived in it comfortably. She loved life. She loved herself. She had no fear of her future.

Now, as a young woman, she wonders how she lost her innocence. Why did she forsake her freedom? Why did she surrender the things that came naturally to her just for security? Why did she let people change her, and why did she change herself just to please them? Why is she so afraid all the time now? Why does she feel so stuck?

In the dream she is looking to the hills. Where will her help come from? She awakens to decide that first she must help herself.

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