Making an Important but Tough Decision

Please forgive any errors you may find in today’s post. Keep reading and you’ll understand.

I got a call from the principal at the school I substitute at. I’ve been anxiously waiting to hear from her hoping to help get students oriented the first week of school. Instead she offered me a full time job. I was honoured. She had just gotten the go ahead to hire three full time aids in the kindergarten classrooms and wanted me to think it over. Since I don’t have a teaching certificate, I wouldn’t get health insurance. I expressed my gratitude and told her I really enjoy working with the school and the kids.

Employment is something that is constantly on my mind. Social Security Disability provides Medicare medical insurance. There is also a minimum of about $800 a month a can earn before my SSD is dropped. If I worked full time, got dropped, then lost my job would I have to go through the entire enrolment process again? Last time it took three years and I had to hire a lawyer. I didn’t want to risk it.

For the past few days I’ve had a lot of shakiness in my arms and legs. I had also been extremely fatigued even though I was sleeping nine hours a night and taking a two to three hour nap. I thought this was because I had been using an inhaler more and suffering from sever allergies. After all, when your body struggles for oxygen you get wiped out. I had forgotten that those same symptoms can lead up to a seizure.

I knew a full time job would be difficult for me because of my various conditions. However, I really want to be able to pay my bills and take some of the burden off of my family. They help out when they can and don’t mind but my pride does. As I was reading on the couch, lights started swirling in my eyes and my thoughts jumbled. I could feel the pressure in my head building and rolling down my spine. I doubled over and all I could say was, “Seizure.” Mike told me to lay down. He made sure I was safe, wouldn’t roll off onto the floor, and went to get me a cool cloth. It was a medium event with some muscle spasms and vertigo.

In just a few minutes three days of build up were over. Now I’ll be tired for a couple more then feeling as normal as someone with disabilities can feel. Each of us has with disabilities or developmental differences have our own definition of normal or good days. My decision became an easy one but hurt my soul.

When the principal called back, I explained that I was thankful that she asked me to take the job. I was honest and told her that I needed part time because of my disabilities. I said that if I an another aid wanted to work part time we could cover a class together. I really want this to happen.

I would like to have a career in education. It would be nice to get out of my house and feel needed, responsible, productive. Some bills could get paid and I could start saving.

Now I’m waiting to hear back with good news. Maybe I’ll get lucky!

About Tara "Masery" Miller

Tara "Masery" Miller is a Neo-Pagan panentheist Gaian mage living in the Ozarks with her husband and pets. She's also a member of the Unitarian Universalist Church. She is the editor of Rooted in the Body, Seeking the Soul which you can find at Immanion press. www.immanion-press.com/info/books.asp She has a minor is religion from Southeast Missouri State Missouri State University with an emphasis in mysticism. Masery has lead various groups over the years and organized Pagan Pride Day events. Her magic and author page is at www.taramaserymiller.com

  • kadiera

    Oh I hope they can find you a part-time spot – that would be great!

    Insurance and disability are definitely areas that leave me scratching my head some days – penalized for working too much, even if it’s at a job where you can’t get insurance to cover the medical issues…that system seems broken somehow.

  • http://profiles.google.com/thorncoyle T Thorn Coyle

    It is great that you have this offer – clearly they value your work – and also good that you are listening to your body, and that you asked for what you wanted and needed. Wishing you the best fortune!

  • http://patheos.com/blogs/confessionsofapagansoccermom/ krisbradley

    Fingers crossed that they’ll offer part time! ((hugs))

  • http://www.facebook.com/gypsyoracle Victoria Anne Manning

    I sincerely hope that everything goes in your favor. Errors aside, this post was personal and I thank you for sharing it. <3

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/paganswithdisabilities/ Tara “Masery” Miller

      You wonderful readers did express a wish for more personal posts. I’m giving it a try and finding that by sharing with others that I’m not alone in my experiences.


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X