Your flaky, but always weekly, apocalypse, in seven points:
1. A century after Nietzsche stole the words “Gott ist tot” from Hegel in The Gay Science, the razor sharp wit and ambitious artistic vision of the US Christian imagination has made a definitive rejoinder in the form of the motion picture God’s Not Dead. The film is reminiscent of that classic television series, “Touched by an Angel,” and promises to have similar cultural effects.
2. Stephen Colbert has decided to change his satirical news show into a psychodelic cooking show, to avoid potential misunderstandings. His first dish will be “roasted O’Reilly au gratin.”
3. Dante’s Comedia, Milton’s Paradise Lost, and Tolkien’s entire oeuvre are being burned by a group of Noah protestors who actually understand the implications of their arguments. They are joined by a gleeful contingent of New Atheists who are actually making fun of them.
4. Insider sources reveal that President Obama was very frustrated while meeting with Pope Francis. Every time the President asked the Pope a question, sources say he replied “Who am I to judge?” This got to be very annoying after a while.
5. A Vatican spy has recorded irrefutable audio evidence that Pope Francis speaks fluent English.
6. A new study on a large group of humans answering survey questions reveals that self reporting makes for very shoddy science.
7. Mel Gibson is working very hard on his own alternative version of Noah, in the form of a long-awaited sequel to Waterworld.