A Laodicean dessert

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(Patty Griffin, “Makin’ Pies“)

The tradition around here is that posts on contentious subjects ought to be quickly followed by a post on something decidedly not contentious — something widely appealing and nonpolitical.

Usually that means pie.

But today it means two pies. And not just two pies, but two pies in a cake.

This is a “picaken.”

Who knew that such glorious monstrosities existed? What immortal hand or eye dared framed its fearful symmetry?

I learned of picaken today from Jamie the Very Worst Missionary.

When she first encountered the idea of a picaken, she thought it was “ridiculous and honestly kinda gross.” So she wound up making one for her husband’s birthday.

I’m not sure that picaken will quite serve our need here for a non-contentious topic. There are cake people and there are pie people, and it may be that the only thing that can unite them is a shared dismay at this unholy … thing.

“And to the angel of the picaken write: You are neither pie nor cake. I wish that you were either pie or cake. So, because you are picaken, and neither pie nor cake, I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”

 

 

 

  • Matri

    … I am now making it my life’s mission to finish a cherpumple!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jon.maki Jon Maki

    I’m not objecting to the concept, just the portmanteau.  The cats like cheese, not cheesohol.
    I mean, if “oholic” were the signifier of addiction, I would be a recovering alcoholoholic.

  • Amaryllis

    The problem with this thing is that it seems to take the American habit
    of separating fruit desserts (pie) into a different category from cake
    desserts. 

    And the German half of my genetics screams that this is a false distinction.

    I don’t think that’s the problem. There’s nothing wrong with fruit-and-cake: I yield to no one in my love of a well-made Baltimore peach cake (yeast-raised cake, fresh peaches, and a light glaze). Of course, there was a lot of German immigration around here, so there’s that.

    No, the problem with this thing is the two different kinds of pastry. It’s pie crust and cake batter that occupy separate mental categories. Different techniques, different “mouth feel,” and both together seems excessively starchy.

    Also, were those chocolate and peanut-butter(?) chip thingies really necessary?

    I’ve seen  chocolate cake, cherry pie filling, and white icing combined
    in some of the cheaper/lazier “Black Forrest Cake” recipes.  Likewise,
    I’ve seen pie filling and yellow cake cubes in some of the
    cheaper/lazier “trifle” recipes.  

    I’m, um, not going to talk about the chocolate-cherry… thing… that my sister and I perpetrated recently. It was supposed to be a cake, but… yeah, let’s call it a trifle… no, it’s better not to talk about it.

    Is it wrong to wish for cake for breakfast, right now?

  • Amaryllis

    If you follow the “turducken” rule, working from outside in, it would have to be “capieke.” Pronounce cay-pike, I suppose.

  • Anonymous

    Wicktionary tells me that the proper suffix is -maniac, which probably works best with bisyllabic roots. So you are a recovering dipsomaniac (congrats!); from the Greek word dipsa meaning “thirst”.

    BTW, the first meaning of alcoholic listed in my copy of Webster’s (real paper!) is “of, relating to, or caused by alcohol.”

    Since I’m not really a language geek and I actually had to do research for this comment, I must leave the construction of a more formal term for the unfortunate kitties to those more learned in such matters.

    :-)

  • cyllan

    It is possibly worth noting that I have seen a cherumple in the…flesh, so to speak.  I did not partake of it, but I was told that it was perfectly fine — mostly because you generally tasted “Pie” and then “cake” and then “pie.” I got the impression it was merely an efficient way of putting a small sliver of every offered dessert on your plate instead of a unique taste sensation in its own right.

  • Lori

     
    No, the problem with this thing is the two different kinds of pastry. It’s pie crust and cake batter that occupy separate mental categories. Different techniques, different “mouth feel,” and both together seems excessively starchy.  

      

    Exactly. The problem definitely doesn’t reside with the fruit. Fruit & cake go together just fine and we eat plenty of it. The  main problem is the combination of cake & pie crust, made worse by the fact that the pie crust is certain to be soggy. I also don’t think getting a bite with both pie crust & frosting sounds tasty. Again, the textures aren’t meant to combine.

  • rizzo

    Look everyone, the poster dessert for conspicuous consumption!  Why is it that every day I see at least one thing that makes me feel horrible about living in a “first world” country?

  • http://from1angle.wordpress.com emilyperson

    I would eat every culinary abomination in this thread.

  • Anonymous

    I turned this into my brain chew-toy for last night, and I agree that pie crust – which should be dry and crispy, imo – plus cake, which should be moist and heavy, is likely to be weird in the mouth.

    On the other hand, if it’s a very moist pie-dough (which is a pain to work, but the external appearance of the pie is sort of not a problem here) and made with butter instead of shortening, the flavors might not clash after all.

    I’m not sure. This may require experimentation.

  • http://thatbeerguy.blogspot.com Chris Doggett

    This would be a fine dessert after the TurBaconEpic Thanksgiving feast, or something to enjoy after some lovely Bacon Explosion. (or, if you’re slightly less high-minded, a Hamdog)

    (for the record, I have tried Turducken, and made Bacon Explosions on multiple occasions)

  • Jeff Weskamp

    Behold, the Eldritch Abomination of Deserts!!!

  • http://scientistcarrie.blogspot.com/ snowmentality

    I think I actually felt my blood sugar spike just looking at that thing. Yeesh.

    I guess you have picaken for dessert after you eat a fried cheese melt sandwich? http://consumerist.com/2010/08/dennys-fried-cheese-melt-pushes-gooey-cheese-tolerance-to-new-levels.html

  • http://www.agirlcalledraven.blogspot.com/ sarah

    Cake or death?…er, picaken or death?

  • http://www.blogger.com/home?pli=1 Coleslaw
  • Anonymous

    I think it’s beautiful. I would eat it, or die trying. 

  • Anonymous

    I think it’s beautiful. I would eat it, or die trying. 

  • Anonymous

    I think it’s beautiful. I would eat it, or die trying. Then again, I have a lot of family in Minnesota, so I have a weird taste for abominable foods.

  • Anonymous

    I think it’s beautiful. I would eat it, or die trying. Then again, I have a lot of family in Minnesota, so I have a weird taste for abominable foods.

  • http://www.oliviareviews.com/ PepperjackCandy

    It’s the workahol that worries me.

  • http://www.oliviareviews.com/ PepperjackCandy

    At least chocolate is fermented.  It’s the workahol that worries me.

  • http://www.oliviareviews.com/ PepperjackCandy

    It’s the workahol that worries me.

  • Nenya

    Good gravy. I…kind of want pie now. Probably just the apple pie. On the other hand, I don’t even bake, but I want someone to make me this thing just to prove it exists and isn’t shooped. 

    Good golly.

  • Msdick

    It’s a month later, but it took that long for me to do it… I was inspired to up the ante on the piecaken.  I give you the Piecooken:

    http://thedistancerun.blogspot.com/2012/03/release-piecooken.html


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