Return of the Satanazis!

“Unspeakable horrors from outer space paralyze the living and resurrect the dead!” It’s …

We start on the radio, with a Dobson ‘N’ Friends chat on the evils of evil evildoers.

Wife-beating apologist James Dobson offers a sweeping, but still fairly generic, condemnation:

If you scratch around anywhere near the Planned Parenthood message and the function of Planned Parenthood, you see wickedness; you see evil.

And Kristin Hawkins chimes in with a full-gonzo conspiracy theory:

Planned Parenthood’s plan for you: One, give you the lowest ranked condoms that are available on the market today, the lowest ranked by Consumer Reports condoms, so you think Planned Parenthood’s great, they’re giving you bad condoms, then they’re going to give you birth control that can cause breast cancer, they’re going to give you low-dose birth control, and then they’re going to give you an abortion, and this is their plan to make money.

Yes, if only you’d bought that Planned Parenthood stock at $3 back when you had the chance.

Dare-to-Discipline survivor Ryan Dobson finishes up by going the full Godwin:

You know what I hope happens, I hope what happens is what they did in Germany after World War II that the people living near concentration camps, they walk them through those areas. That’s what they did to the Germans, those living near the concentration camps, the government walked them through those places where they were killing people every day saying “this is what you let happen.” Every Planned Parenthood and abortion provider in America, the people living in those communities around them should have to go through and say “this is what you let happen.”

If you’ve got a problem with that kind of rhetoric, then Republican Arizona state Rep. Jack Harper has a message for you:

Maybe you should change your baby-killer message. Why don’t you move back to China where your “party” controls the message by force.

Yeah, move back to China, you baby-killer. You and Desmond Tutu both.

(Seriously, Tutu’s invitation to speak at Gonzaga University has drawn the wrath of the American Life League. Invite an Anglican archbishop and Nobel Peace Prize laureate to speak at Gonzaga “And who will gain?” they ask. “Only the abortion lobby.”)

The forces of [self-]righteousness leafleting the home of a Maryland abortion provider get only partial credit. They call him a Nazi, but fail to say anything at all about Satan:

In the flier, Stave is depicted in a Nazi uniform much like the one Nazi SS commander Heinrich Himmler is shown wearing. Next to Himmler’s photo are the words “responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent men, women and children.” The words next to Stave only differ at the very end. Instead of men, women and children, the flier states Stave is “responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent pre-born babies.”

Remember: All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to fail to photoshop pictures of other people into Nazi uniforms. Just like Bonhoeffer did.

And just like Harriet Tubman, too, because remember, the evildoers are just like the slaveowners of the old South. Don’t take my word for it — take it from this white Southern preacher:

Pro-life advocate the Rev. Jim McGarvey began his Church for Life ministry several years ago under the conviction that abortion is a “satanic enterprise,” and uses John 8:44 as evidence, which states:

“You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

See? McGarvey isn’t just offering his opinion about the Satanic baby-killers — he provides “evidence.” (Note that this “evidence” doesn’t just frame anyone McGarvey happens to disagree with as children of the devil — it also frames McGarvey himself as Jesus. He’s Jesus, they’re the devil. That’s what the “evidence” proves.)

So far we’ve learned that the Satanic/Nazi baby-killers have a secret conspiracy to make money by giving women cancer with cancer screenings. But at least no one’s accusing them of being cannibals by reviving a good old-fashioned blood libel.

What? Oh. Nevermind.

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  • JessicaR

    And yet I remain shocked, shocked! That the “abortion is genocide of black children!” crowd are so ever strangely quiet and silent on the Trayvon Martin shooting. Shocked I say.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charity-Brighton/100002974813787 Charity Brighton

     It fits in with the notion that the only people who matter are the ones who haven’t been born yet. Trayvon Martin was seventeen or so years too old for them to care about.

    Archbishop Tutu, of course, gets bashed because he cares about people who are already born, especially people who do not physically resemble him.

  • Anonymous

    “Remember: All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to fail to photoshop pictures of other people into Nazi uniforms. Just like Bonhoeffer did.”

    So, it’s not Obama who is Hitler. It’s Adobe. By setting the price of their software too high for the average Joe to afford, they are laying the foundation for the world takeover by Satan.

  • Anonymous

    You know what I hope happens, I hope what happens is what they did in
    Germany after World War II that the people living near concentration
    camps, they walk them through those areas….[walk] them through those places where they were
    killing people every day saying “this is what you let happen.”

    Should this ever happen, I’d say “So?”. Then probably end up lynched.

  • Splitting Image

    OK Fred,

    You have got to copyright the title “Return of the Satanazis” and start working right away on a film treatment.

    Satan. And Nazis. How can you miss? Work in a baby-killing scene and a kitten-burning scene and you’ll be able to print money.

    And Zombies. It has to involve zombies.

    Maybe Nazis are trying to resurrect Satan’s love child from Rosemary’s Baby as a zombie.

    Or maybe Satan expelled all the Nazis from Hell because they weren’t able to be team players, and they now walk the earth as zombies repeating right-wing talking points.

    Or maybe the Nazis were demons sent by Satan to conquer the earth and they were defeated by a coven of lesbian vampires. Now they are back. As zombies.

  • Anonymous

    That sounds like an excellent idea for a SyFy Original Movie. Hah.

    Did anyone else see the College Humor sketch on Nazi Zombies?  If not, here it is:  http://www.collegehumor.com/video/5886111/nazi-zombies  This one is probably SFW but it is College Humor so discretion is always advised.

  • No-one

    *stuffs money down your throat* Just take my money! TAKE IT!

  • Anonymous

    Or maybe the Nazis were demons sent by Satan to conquer the earth and they were defeated by a coven of lesbian vampires. Now they are back. As zombies.

    This isn’t a film treatment so much as it’s a description of the current Republican Party.

  • Jeff Weskamp

    I agree with Spitting Image.  Fred should copyright the title, right the script, and then ask Rob Zombie to direct the film.

  • Splitting Image

    And seriously, what sort of self-described Christian finds a reason to picket Desmond Tutu?

     

  • http://leftcheek.blogspot.com Jas-nDye

    what sort of self-described Christian finds a reason to picket Desmond Tutu?

    A pro-Apartheid White Supremacist one. Like with Dr. King, the rest doesn’t matter. More accusations to gin up the anti-Christian charges. Because, after all, Tutu desecrated god’s natural order of things by standing up for non-Whites and even *gasp* mixing the races!

  • http://lliira.dreamwidth.org/ Lliira

    Affordable gynecological care: a tool of the devil.

    They think women controlling their own bodies is an impossibility. SOMEONE ELSE must be behind us. Because we are too weak and stupid and persuadable, the only reason we could possibly want sex is because someone else is manipulating or forcing us into it or to have babies. Anything that prevents us from getting pregnant through sex is therefore coming between us and our destiny as incubators. The only other option for a woman, besides incubator, is sex toy. 

    So, unbeknownst to me, every time I went to Planned Parenthood and dealt with all those nice women who were keeping me healthy and giving me advice about sex, I was actually being indoctrinated and/or raped by a devil cult controlled by men. Women, in control of our own bodies, our own sexuality? Pfft, ludicrous.

  • Anonymous

    I was raised in the pro-life movement, and it wasn’t until I started reading blogs like this one, years later, that I first found out Planned Parenthood did anything but abortions.

    All that other stuff doesn’t help create a “baby-killing abortion mill” image, so people like NRL don’t bother to mention it.

  • friendly reader

    I was raised by a relatively affluent family, and it wasn’t until this controversy that I realized Planned Parenthood did more than birth control and abortions. I’ve since discovered how much women’s health care they just do all around (and that the Catholic family one of my friends from a much poorer background used it regularly for health care). Back in the States I had put off gynecological exams because I couldn’t afford them without health insurance, but now I know that when I go back, there’s somewhere else I can go.

  • Anonymous-Sam

    Men who have sworn off ever having sex really need to stop thinking they have any authority on the female reproductive system.

  • J.D. Banks

    Men who have sworn off ever having sex really need to stop thinking they have any authority on the female reproductive system.

    or

    Men who have sworn off ever having sex really need to stop thinking they have any authority on the female reproductive system.

    or

    Men who have sworn off ever having sex really need to stop thinking they have any authority on the female reproductive system.

    or

    Men who have sworn off ever having sex really need to stop thinking they have any authority on the female reproductive system.

  • Blaine Stum

    I didn’t know about those groups protesting Desmond Tutu being the keynote speaker at the Commencement Ceremony at Gonzaga this May. I’m graduating this year from Gonzaga and I’ll be walking in it. I am immensely honored that I’ll be in the same general building as a man I have such massive admiration for. I’ll be chuckling at these groups for being such narrow minded fools the whole time.

    The anti-choice rhetoric has always been more than a little over the top, but it seems to be even more heated and ridiculous now. But my thoughts have always been this: A miscarriage is a spontaneous abortion. A huge amount of pregnancies are terminated this way (far more than medically induced abortions). If you, as an Evangelical for instance, believe that everything happens according to “God’s will” then how do you explain away the massive amount of miscarriages that occur every year? Are those different because it’s not caused directly by humans? Is this about us playing God? Cause given the crowd that tends to be anti-choice I have a hard time believing it’s out of their “conviction that every life is sacred”.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Every Planned Parenthood and abortion provider in America, the people
    living in those communities around them should have to go through and
    say “this is what you let happen.”

    I’m just…. stunned. These people are ramping up the alarmist rhetoric so much they’re going to start believing their own stuff. And what happens when they convince millions of people to join them in their holy crusade? It could result in mass rioting, property damage, and worst of all, people getting killed in large numbers.

    Why do the fire-eaters never seem to know when to stop?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7NB5FJ2VSINZPTPUGCJI6C24SU Kadia

     What exactly is their incentive to stop? A conscience? They have none. Personal liability? Doesn’t apply to them. The worst case scenario for them is that an abortion doctor gets killed and they might have to issue a mealy-mouthed press statement saying that they didn’t mean for that to happen, honest. And that really doesn’t happen often enough for it to really be burdensome for them. 99% of the time, the main consequence of their rhetoric is more fundraising dollars.

    Why would they stop?

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    There’s always that 1% of the time someone takes the rhetoric seriously enough to begin forming a private army over the idea. It’s happened before, on a smaller scale, with Republicans and the right-wing militia movement.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t think they’re impressed by the Nobel Peace Prize. Because you know who else got the Nobel Peace Prize? Jimmy Carter! and Al Gore! And Barack HUSSEIN Obama! That’s who. Besides, it’s given out by Norwegians, which is to say socialists!

    Also, as Fred has demonstrated many times in the deconstruction of the LB series, in these people’s view peace as a terrible thing, and if we go giving out prizes for it, we’ll just encourage the peacemakers to keep making peace, and more peace is the last thing we need! 

    (Yeah, I know Gonzaga is Catholic rather than Protestant fundamentalist, but lie down with dogs, as the saying goes. [With apologies to dogs for the comparison.])

  • Nequam

    I don’t think they’re impressed by the Nobel Peace Prize. Because you know who else got the Nobel Peace Prize? Jimmy Carter! and Al Gore! And Barack HUSSEIN Obama! That’s who. Besides, it’s given out by Norwegians, which is to say socialists!

    I bet you thought you were joking about that line of reasoning.
    http://news.yahoo.com/why-not-junk-nobel-peace-prizes-070000695.html

  • Anonymous

    “they’re giving you bad condoms, then they’re going to give you birth control that can cause breast cancer, they’re going to give you low-dose birth control, and then they’re going to give you an abortion, and this is their plan to make money” 
    —-
    …Yes, if only you’d bought that Planned Parenthood stock at $3 back when you had the chance.
    Well, really, the smart money is on the oncologists in this particular scheme.

  • Anonymous

    The best play right now, is to go long on feminazis and abortionists, and short true masculinity, Christmas, honest American values and Caucasians.

  • http://jesustheram.blogspot.com/ Mr. Heartland

    “birth control that can cause breast cancer”

    I bet you think that ‘repeatedly disproved by science’ garbage is some kind of excuse for defying the White Christian Males’ power to invent truth. 

  • Anonymous

    Maybe you should change your baby-killer message.

    Yes, to something welcoming, something more like Arizona’s:
    “Come for the shooting sprees, stay for the starving uneducated children.”

  • http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

    I thought Arizona’s was “Too Crazy for Florida”.

  • Anonymous

    I’m sure you can find a few AZ state senators to gunfight with you over it. Me, I’m too worn out from dodging roving gangs of Mexican behead-ers.  

  • Tricksterson

    I thought it was “Whackier Than New Hampshire!”

  • Anonymous

    Ah look the good old stupid evil trope.

    But seriously can’t you people isolate some state in the US and put all those nutjobs in it and then close the border?

    It will be interesting to watch how fast things will fall apart in conservativestan.

  • Anonymous

    I think it’s worth clarifying that the gentleman in Maryland being vilified by pro-life activists as a Nazi is not an abortion provider.  He’s the *landlord* of an abortion provider.  His brother is a dentist, and protestors have shown up outside his office.  So they’ve also been harassing the brother of the guy who’s the landlord of an abortion provider.  

    I live in the same county and think it’s worth pointing out how much crap is being thrown at a guy who has stood up for women’s rights.

  • Tricksterson

    So now dental care is a tool of the devil too?  I always suspected as much

  • http://jamoche.dreamwidth.org/ Jamoche

    Dental care? Of course. It involves fluoridation, you know.

  • Sgt. Pepper’s Bleeding Heart

    Satanazis really are the best type of nazis.

  • Matri

    The advanced prestige class?

  • Anonymous

    Planned Parenthood’s plan for you: One, give you the lowest ranked condoms that are available on the market today, the lowest ranked by Consumer Reports condoms, so you think Planned Parenthood’s great, they’re giving you bad condoms, then they’re going to give you birth control that can cause breast cancer, they’re going to give you low-dose birth control, and then they’re going to give you an abortion, and this is their plan to make money.
    …Correct me if I’m mistaken, but aren’t these more or less the same people who champion the rights of corporations to throw people out of their houses, crush them under misleading and impossible debts, and refuse to offer or honour insurance policies? Are we supposed to take them seriously when they suddenly act like they care about a specific company apparently having inhumane and exploitative business practices, while they remain entirely apathetic about banks using crappy filing as an excuse to steal people’s homes, and how far some jurisdictions will go to help them do it? 

  • Sgt. Pepper’s Bleeding Heart

    How is everyone else pronouncing Satanazis in their head?

    I’m going with SAT-in-ah-zees.

  • Anonymous

    I’m basically hearing a similar version of the “Commu-Nazis” from that one episode of the Simpsons.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    I was going with Say-tah-nat-zees.

  • Anonymous

     Hey, I don’t know if it’s come up here, yet, but have you guys seen this? Wisconsin just denied equal pay for women. Because “money is more important for men.”

  • Anonymous

    Single women don’t exist? Single mothers don’t exist? Families where the breadwinner is female don’t exist?

    *rage*

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charity-Brighton/100002974813787 Charity Brighton

     When is that recall election again? If this guy doesn’t get booted out of office, I’ll be pretty disappointed in the people of Wisconsin.

  • Cathy W

    Just to double-check: what year is this? Because if it’s actually 1948 or thereabouts suddenly a lot of stuff makes a lot more sense.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Dude’s seriously talking like we’ve never moved an inch from the mid 20th century when it was all about the “menz providing”. (>_<)

  • http://openid.aol.com/proteusfirma Haven

    ” “You could argue that money is more important for men,” he told Goldberg.  “I think a guy in their first job, maybe because they expect to be a breadwinner someday, may be a little more money-conscious. To attribute everything to a so-called bias in the workplace is just not true.” ”
    That just made my head spin.

  • Tonio

    In other news, Wisconsin requests exemption from the 19th Amendment and revokes driver’s licenses for women. The governor has also proposed giving fathers legal title to their daughters’ wombs.

  • Tricksterson

    Don’t encourage them.

  • Anonymous

    Just one quibble, Todd Stave is not an abortion provider. He is a landlord who rents space to Leroy Carhart, one of two abortion providers in the country who will do abortions after 24 weeks. Stave has brilliantly turned the tables on the bullies using the simple caller ID tool. He has a huge list of people willing to call the numbers back and talk to these bullies about harassment.

  • Geri Corvus

     Nice idea – but what about the ones who withold their numbers?  In any case, he’s lucky that the anti-abortionists haven’t (yet) copied the harrassment tactics of the UK’s SHAC

  • rizzo

    Man I wish I saw evil around every corner…life would be much more interesting.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charity-Brighton/100002974813787 Charity Brighton

    It’s been argued here before that this is why they tend to focus on over-the-top characterizations of their political opponents. Because their lives are boring, and the only excitement they get is pretending as if they’re superheroes fighting against evil by pulling the lever for “pro-life” candidates or forwarding pictures of aborted fetuses to their friends via email or sending around chain letters about Planned Parenthood abortionplexes. It’s all a role-playing game for them.

  • Anonymous

    My sister shared a graphic on Facebook to the tune of, Satan is everywhere, he’ll even try to keep you from sharing this graphic, so share it to win against Satan. That seems a perfect example of the mindset. (I told her she’d win a more meaningful victory if she spent some time with me volunteering at the food bank. Thus far, no response.)

  • Jeff Weskamp

    My mental pronunciation is “SAY-tin-naht-seez”

  • guest

    This may serendipitously be the right thread to post this question.  I know I’ve read at least one good piece online explaining why equating violence protesting abortion to violence protesting slavery isn’t sensible, but (for reasons you may be able to guess) I’m not able to find it/them using search engines; does anyone have a link to an essay that discusses this argument?  I do remember whoever it was pointing out that unlike fetuses slaves were actually vehemently articulate in expressing what needed to happen, and joined with allies in bringing about the end of the slave system–good point, but what if, for example, I wanted to protest cruelty to animals, something I consider a valid cause?  Anyway, links would be greatly appreciated; I’d like to get this issue sorted out in my head.

  • http://thatbeerguy.blogspot.com Chris Doggett

    I know I’ve read at least one good piece online explaining why equating violence protesting abortion to violence protesting slavery isn’t sensible…

    Might be this piece by Ta-Nehisi Coates from a few years back.

    but what if, for example, I wanted to protest cruelty to animals, something I consider a valid cause? 

    The linked piece argues that slave owners did view slaves as “people”; the personhood of a slave was not the point of contention. Rather, abolitionists believed that all persons had equal rights, regardless of skin color, while the slaveowners believed blacks were not equal to whites.

    With abortion arguments, the question of personhood is in dispute. Fertilized egg, implanted egg, viable embryo, 10 weeks, 12 weeks, delivered? The question of “are all persons equal and granted equal rights” comes after the question of “when does this potential person become an actual person?”

    Animals are definitely not persons. Arguments against ‘cruelty to animals’ (which I suspect means something more than being part of the Anti-Kitten Burning Coalition) don’t pivot around the idea that humans and animals are both “persons” of equal moral standing. There are lots of good arguments for protecting and preserving animals, but “rights” are not a great starting point.

  • Tonio

    I’ve heard the claim that holding any opinion on abortion requires taking a position on the personhood of the fetus, even an implicit position. The opponents in Mississippi seemed to believe this. I question whether such a position is necessary, particularly if one opposes forcing women to carry pregnancies to term. But that’s not about what decision the woman should make.

  • Anonymous

    Ffffffffuuuuuuuhhhhhh. Hokay. Clicked on that Coates article, eyes wandered down to the comments. Spent at least two hours writing a 1000+ word reply to a single comment, a relatively uncommon occurrence of me not giving up and closing the tab halfway through. Was giving it one last proofread, before I remembered that the article was from 2009 and the comment I was replying to was written almost three years ago. 

    I think I’m going to go lie down.

  • Matri

    Drag up a comment from 1412 and you’d think it was written by a right-winger minutes ago.

  • Matri

    By which I mean it would be indistinguishable, with the mindset the right-wing has these days.

  • Consumer Unit 5012

    Drag up a comment from 1412 and you’d think it was written by a right-winger minutes ago.

    It would probably have better grammar and vocablary, but worse spellinge.

  • Albanaeon

    Just remember when someone takes “Holocaust” and “baby murderers” to the point they engage in violence, its an isolated incident and people not realizing that this is all code for “Vote Republican.”  After all, that the Pro-Life campaign resembles a terrorist campaign is just a coincidence, cause terrorists are brown.

  • Mary Kaye

    I think it’s perfectly legitimate to protest in behalf of those who can’t help themselves.  But you should be doing things that actually work toward your goal, and do as little harm as possible in the process.  So for animal welfare, you could patronize stores that give out information on how the animals were raised (Whole Foods has started doing this) and buy things with the best ratings you can find.  You could organize boycotts of exploitative firms and industries.  You could fund animal-protection agencies.  You could support laws (we have recently passed some in my state) banning specific inhumane practices.  You could make documentaries exposing abuses.

    But you should not release a bunch of animals who will then die miserably.  You should not assault people who eat meat.  You should not shoot at anyone, nor advocate that others do so. You should not lie about conditions on farms or spread false rumors about food safety.  The fact that innocents are being harmed does not give you carte blanche to do evil.

    I have no quarrel with pro-life advocates who actually behave pro-life:  who fund care for low-income mothers, who support adoption agencies, who provide sex education to reduce unwanted pregnancies, who donate baby clothes and cribs, who fund Head Start, etc.  I think such people are perfectly entitled to say that they believe abortion is wrong and they’re doing what they ethically can to prevent it.  There is a lot to be done.  I think it would be GREAT if pro-life advocates could turn their resources to making sure that no baby is ever aborted due to lack of health care or financial resources to raise it.  (And, for that matter, that wanted babies don’t die of these things.)

    Frankly, attacking Planned Parenthood in order to prevent abortion is a lot like shooting randomly into slave markets in order to improve the lot of slaves.  I suspect Planned Parenthood prevents more elective abortions than it performs.  And trying to prevent the non-elective abortions–we have heard so many heartbreaking stories in the last few months–is purely evil.

  • Randall M

    Just for the record, you can’t copyright a title.  You also can’t copyright a slogan, a band name, or a sighting of Elvis (I think that the web programmer for the U.S. Copyright Office has a little bit too much time on their hands).  See http://www.copyright.gov/help/faq/faq-protect.html.  You might, however, be able to trademark it.

  • Sgt. Pepper’s Bleeding Heart

    I like to pronounce Satanazis so that it sounds like neither Satan nor Nazis, but a completely new species of evil being.


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