Omphalos theory fan fiction

The “Omphalos hypothesis” discussed in the previous post is horrifying as theology. The idea that the Creator is also the Great Deceiver suggests some rather appalling aspects of the character of God.

But it does make for fertile ground for some potentially fascinating, or at least amusing, storytelling.

Think again of that 28,000-year-old Australian rock art or of the 30,000-year-old paintings in the Chauvet-Pont-d’Arc cave in France. Now, for the sake of our story, let’s accept the premises of the Omphalos hypothesis, of young-earth creationism, and of the illiteralistic reading of Genesis they both seek to defend.

That would mean that as Adam and Eve and the still-legged serpent walked in Eden, somewhere in antediluvian Mesopotamia, there already existed paintings — human paintings — in Australia and France. And those already-existing paintings already appeared to be many thousands of years old.

Now imagine, a few generations later, after the flood, after the tower of Babel, when the descendants of Japheth — “scattered abroad over the face of the earth” from the plains of Shinar. They head West, arriving in Europe as the first humans ever to set foot in this strange new land. The first humans ever there since the creation of the world. What would it mean to them to find there, waiting for them, human paintings thousands of years old?

There’s some kind of Omphalos-meets-Prometheus story there. Some kind of weird mash-up of Ken Ham and Erich von Däniken.

Or go back further, to Cain and Abel — back when both brothers were still alive and Cain had not yet become a marked man

Plowing in his fields one day, Cain found something. That night, he showed it to his brother.

“I think it’s a knife,” he said. “A knife made of stone. And it seems … it doesn’t make any sense, but it seems like it’s thousands of years old.”

Abel examined it closely. He had never seen anything so old. It seemed even older than their father. But that was impossible, nothing was older than their father.

“It’s Natufian,” Abel heard himself say.

“Natufi-what? What does that mean?”

“I … I don’t know. That word just kind of came to me. …”

“We should go back,” Cain said. “Tomorrow. We’ll go back and dig where I found this. Maybe there’s more.”

OK, your turn.


"I'll get you for this, someday. (runs out to sell plasma)"

‘A kind of resentful nostalgia’
"Which makes me sad, because I love them. Unfortunately, they're an environmental disaster."

‘A kind of resentful nostalgia’
"So you agree with Buttons then."

‘A kind of resentful nostalgia’
"You left the B off the end of that last word."

‘A kind of resentful nostalgia’

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • JustoneK

    I love this thread.  So much.

  • Stephen Sterns

    His eyes were slowly adjusting to the cool darkness of the cave after the bright midday sun outside. He stumbled on a small stone as he inched further inside. He could hear the faint sigh of the wind sneaking in through an unknown crevice, and strained to catch any telltale hint that the lost lamb he was seeking has somehow wandered inside. The dimness receded, and he was startled to see an apparition in the figure of a man crouched, facing the far wall. The figure took no notice of him but continued to wave one hand in seemingly random patterns across the face of the rock. The hand held what appeared to be a stick, but one with a faintly glowing tip, almost a small torch.His mind was reeling, trying to comprehend a heretofore never encountered idea, that of a…stranger. How was it possible that there could exist a person unknown to him? Then, a sudden inspiration struck him like a bolt of lightning, and he fell to his knees with a startled cry.The figure at the wall leapt to his feet at the sound and stepped back while considering the prostrated man before him. “Oh, Hello!” The man said. “You’ll have to excuse me, I wasn’t anticipating entertaining guests today.” The man stepped forward, reaching out to the kneeling figure. “Oh, get up, get up. We’ll have none of that!””Are…are you an angel of the Lord?” the kneeling man asked timorously, giving the briefest possible glance upward before bowing his head again.”Oh, no, no. Nothing like that. C’mon now, get up,” the man said, reaching down to take an arm and raise the kneeling man to his feet.  “Now, which one are you? I know you’re not Adam. Unless I got things incredibly messed up, he should have a big, bushy beard by now. Did last time I saw him.””I am called Abel,” he said, haltinglyHis mind beginning to take in this oddest of events, Abel started noting more about this man, this…stranger…before him. Instead of the rough, belted tunic and sandals that constituted the only garments Abel had ever seen, the stranger was clad in garments of several pieces and layers and colors, and sandals, if they could be called that, which entirely encased his feet. There was an odd strip of cloth tied at his throat. The stranger considered him for a moment as well. “Oh. Abel. I’m so sorry.” he said as he spun around and returned to the cave wall, once again waving the minute torch across the rock. Abel noticed an odd whirling, almost chirping sound, like a flock of songbirds caught in a whirlwind. Where the torch passed over the face of the stone, dark lines appeared. It was then Abel saw that the entire wall of the cave was covered with such lines, most of ebony, but some with faint hues. Markings that had not been there when he had last sheltered here during an afternoon storm. And it struck him that the lines resembled outlines of people and animals, though some were of a type Abel had never seen.”What…what are you doing?” Abel asked.”Oh, just a bit of redecoration, you see. Nothing to be alarmed about. Straightening out a bit of business with an old, uh…friend.” The stranger paused in his efforts and glanced back at the gape-mouthed Abel.Abel found the words strange, unknown, yet the meaning was clear in his mind. “I suppose it can’t hurt to tell you, since today is the day, unless I’ve missed my mark, and while I have missed the mark before, I don’t think that’s the case today.” He returned to cave wall and finished the last figure with a flourish before standing and spinning toward Abel all in one motion. “You see,” the stranger said, talking in a rush, “I’ve had a bit of a wager going with, uh, I think you call him Yahwaha, Yamaha…yes, Yahweh. Anyway, Yahweh, or ‘God’ as he sometimes likes to be called–honestly you’d think he’d gotten over himself by now—Yahweh, uh…cheated a bit, so I came back to set things right. You see, in about 25,000 years or so, I’m going have a need of one of you humans, and that need will require that humans have actually developed some science and technology. But your Yahweh removed the need for all that when he created this place, giving you “mythology” instead. That just won’t do. It’s changed the whole peri-quantum waveform of at least twenty different futures and while normally I wouldn’t bother, a couple of them are quite dear to me.”The stranger paused and gestured to the wall behind him.”So I’ve aged things a bit here and there, put up some cave paintings, buried a few monoliths, scads of fossils, uh…and one ziggurat, which isn’t easy to do, I’ll tell you. In years to come, your…people…will find these and decide that the world is older than it seems and that the mythology might not be true. Just a spark, mind you, but it should be enough to fire the development of science and technology in the face of superstition. Or something like that.”There was a faint shout from outside the cave. The stranger’s face grew serious as he gazed at Abel.”Is that your brother?” he asked slowly.”Yes,” said Abel. “Cain.”The stranger’s mouth tightened, all humor gone from his expression.”I take it you’ve been having a bit of a row with him lately, yes?””Yes. The Lord has been pleased with my offerings of firstling fat, yet has not found favor with my brother’s offerings of the fruit of the ground.””Yes,” the stranger said, drawing the word out. “He always was a picky eater. I’m so, so sorry, Abel. Actually sorry for you both. I’d love to help you out, but you have to understand that you’re a fixed point in time and there’s nothing I can do.”The stranger turned and started briskly walking toward the dark recesses at the back of the cave, disappearing around an outcropping of stone.Abel absorbed the stranger’s words, not understand the meaning of them all, only the sadness of tone in his voice. Suddenly Abel was galvanized into movement, and he quickly trotted after the stranger. “Wait! Wait! What does all this mean? Why are you sorry? Why are you sad?Who are you?”As he rounded the outcropping, Abel heard a faint wheezing sound that could not possibly be the wind, and caught a fading glimpse of an impossible sight. For just an instant, he thought he saw a large box, much bigger than the oblong manger he used for his flock’s winter feeding, and standing on its end. And, as the ghostly apparition disappeared, Abel had the distinct impression that it was blue. Like the evening sky when the sun had finally set beyond the hills.Abel stood in the darkness, trying to make sense of what he had seen and heard, and of the stranger. And as he considered the stranger, he felt an odd sense of calm growing within him, almost like a feeling of hope. Again, the sound of Cain’s shout echoed faintly into the recesses of the cave. Cain! I need to tell Cain about all this, Abel thought. He is eldest and will know what to make of it. Perhaps we will avoid a repetition of this morning’s argument over the offerings to the Lord. As he hurried to the mouth of the cave and the growing brightness, Abel could hear that the anger still remained in Cain’s voice as he shouted Abel’s name. But surely this strange tale, and the new markings on the cave wall will distract his mind from his anger till it cools and passes.It was with small burst of joy in his heart that Abel emerged into the sunlight.”Cain! Cain! Come quick, you have to see what I’ve found!”

  • Ima Pseudonym

     I don’t know how many “likes” this is going to get, but frankly, it needs all of them.