The Glorious Appearing of Mitt Romney

Here’s Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney going the full LaHaye:

This is Romney discussing the Second Coming of Christ on what seems to be a Christian-right radio program, in full don’t-interrupt-me-while-I’m-interrupting debate mode. He’s reassuring the interviewer that his views are fully in line with those of Tim LaHaye, Hal Lindsey, John Hagee and any premillennial dispensationalist End Times listeners, just with a little bit of extra Missouri.

Here’s my rough transcript:

Christ appears in the Mount of Olives and splits the Mount of Olives and appears in Jerusalem. That’s what the church says. And then over a thousand years, the Millennium, that the world is reigned in two places, Jerusalem and Missouri. That’s what the church says.

The Second Coming, the arrival of Jesus Christ, our church says is in Jerusalem. Christ appears — it’s throughout the Bible — Christ appears in Jerusalem, splits the Mount of Olives to stop the war that’s coming in to kill all the Jews, our church believes that. That’s when the coming in glory in Christ occurs.

We also believe that over the thousand years that follows, the Millennium, he will reign from two places. That the law will come forward from one place, from Missouri, and the other will be in Jerusalem. All right? That’s … uh … but, now, back to abortion …

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And his own received him not

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  • Andrea

    This post and its comments have truly been the highlight of my afternoon.

  • Jim Roberts

    It also sells the character’s willingness to take stupid risks (like rescuing a princess from a space station the size of a moon).

  • Carstonio

    I suspect Lucas originally used “spice” because of its significance in Earth maritime history. The backstory you cite might have been created by a real SF writer, instead of a young director borrowing from Kurosawa and Joseph Campbell to cobble together an homage to old serials.

  • Glorious…Appearing? This is a usage of the word with which I am not familiar. What’s wrong with “Appearance”?

  • rizzo

    Missouri?  That’s…random…

  • Donalbain

    Hyperspace is effectively the warping of space. A hyperspace engine makes a shortcut between two points in space. Everything travels at the same speed in hyperspace, but the effectiveness of a jump is defined by how short a distance you travel between the two points. Thus doing the run in x parsecs is better than doing it in x+n parsecs.

  • flat

    “The force is an energy field created by all living things, it surrounds us, it
    penetrates us, it binds the galaxy together” – Obi-Wan kenobi

    “The snark is an energy field created by all living things, it surrounds us, it penetrates us, it binds the galaxy together” – me

  • Jim Roberts

    At the time the KJV was written, “appearance” had the connotation of being an act undertaken for show or pomp, often with the idea that the moment presented is in some way false. This is partly retained in its modern use – “I don’t want to go to the party, but I’ll make an appearance.” As a noun, “appearing,” had the idea of something already present coming into view. The latter was, at the time, the more suitable noun, and has retained its cachet for some time.

  • The_L

    Left Behind title.

  • VMink

    Missouri is where the Mormons believe the Garden of Eden was/is.  Not too sure if it still exists in their theology, but in Romney’s theology it apparently does or will.

  • It’s not identical to the PMD beliefs, but it sure sounds pretty similar. From the Encyclopedia of Mormonism at BYU:

  • I know, it just hit me for the first time.

  • VMink

    … Huh.  Thanks for that, Rhiadra.  It turns out I was partly wrong about Romney’s comments, then.  According to Mormon theology, there will be two capitols of the Millenial Kingdom.   (The one in North America is just not specified as to where it will be, but it isn’t horrible to assume it will be in Eden/Missouri.)

    There is still the problem in that Romney claimed that evangelical views of the Rapture match those of the Mormon Church.  The Mormons believe there will be a ‘rapture’ but it will not be before the Tribulation.  This is an important difference and it’s one that should be making Mormon theologians look askance at Romney.

  • I suspect Lucas originally used “spice” because of its significance in Earth maritime history. The backstory you cite might have been created by a real SF writer, instead of a young director borrowing from Kurosawa and Joseph Campbell to cobble together an homage to old serials.

    Okay, I admit it!  I was dipping into the Star Wars expanded universe’s justification for it, specially the first book of the Jedi Academy Trilogy, Jedi Search, by Kevin J. Anderson.  

    I understand that KJA has some decent sci-fi pedigree outside of that… except when he tried to pick up where Frank Herbert left off…

  • nerdycellist

    As someone raised in that faith I can guarantee that as of 1991 (the last time I attended) it sure as hell didn’t. So either the slipped that change in while pretending it’s been there all the time in the last 25 or so years, or Mitt’s lying his ass off again. Either is equally possible.

    Also – last I heard, Mormon’s believe that God created Evolution – sort of intelligent-designy – and not in Young Earth Creationism. Any words otherwise would mean a major shift in doctrine to align themselves with their former bullying nemeses, the Fundamentalists.

  • nerdycellist

    The difference of course is that to be an Archbishop (or even a parish priest) in the Catholic church, you have to have some sort of education, be able to read greek, latin, aramaic, what have you, etc. To be a Mormon Bishop, you have to have a penis and be popular enough to be “called”. There are no further qualifications. (To be a Mormon priest, you have to be 14 and have a penis.)

  • flat

    The only expanded universe books I am interested in is the thrawn triology, in fact they were the first EU books I ever picked up.

    In my humble opinion the others can f*ck off.

  • (even officiated a Wiccan/Catholic wedding, if you can get your head around that one)

    Waitaminnit… you didn’t happen to go by the handle Lone Wolf at the time, did you?

  •  Yes, it’s clear that Romney is trying to pretend that Mormon theology is a lot closer to RTC theology than it actually is. But don’t expect any blowback from the Mormon elders – glossing over the differences between Mormon theology and more mainstream theology is standard practice for Mormon missionaries. Harder to do now these days since a lot of the Mormon scripture is now online and searchable, including the books they don’t usually show potential converts…

  • Now, now, the X-Wing novels are actually quite good, too! Especially Allston’s Wraith Squadron. Entertaining, interesting, expanding on the universe constructively, and not particularly up their own asses (or the Jedi’s).

  • WalterC

    It is really interesting though. How many other “first world” countries would a presidential candidate ever be asked to talk about this or even be interested in discussing this topic with anyone in public?  Romney is running for President, no Sunday School teacher. I have no idea how he got onto this topic but I hope it is a one-time thing.

  • flat

    I think my problem with it is just: there is TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Sorry but it all started with thrawn and I think that was the best that could ever happen to star wars.

    The second best thing that didn’t happen was that they didn’t hire an editor at Lucasart with a machinegun to stop the upcoming tide of writers who were trying to jump on the bandwagon.

  •  The interpretation I’ve long felt is best supported is that he’s just throwing out big fancy words to impress the country rubes. Like when someone starts talking to you about monetizing the synergy of the cloud via cyber or something.

  • Oh yeah, there’s definitely way too much in the EU to hope to keep track of. I had the time when I was a young nerdling still in school, but eventually it seemed like there were two new novels for every one I finished. (And that’s without even touching on the comic books. Holy crap so much gone on there.) After a point you’ve got to draw a line, or let others do the filtering for you, or be prepared to give up the rest of your life to it.

    Thrawn is a very solid stopping point, but I like some of the minor characters too much to disregard them completely, so X-Wing has wormed its way in under my line as well. (Not to mention getting a perspective on the setting from characters who aren’t all the Most Important People In The Galaxy.)

  • Ah another case of what my twitter friends have taken to calling Quantum Romneyism. Romney holds a position of all positions until observed by an audience at which point they collapse to match those of his audience. X-D

  • Oh, I would agree.  I still think that the Thrawn Trilogy as the first and best part of the Star Wars EU.  Unfortunately, Sturgeons Law applies to the rest.  Still, I read them as a youth because occasionally one finds a gem.  

    There is a reason Thrawn himself is so damn popular though.  They even added him (then a Vice-Admiral) as a character in the TIE Fighter computer game.  

  • vsm

    There aren’t that many first world countries with presidents, and I’m pretty sure that if you ran for one in any of them as a Mormon, you’d get to answer many questions about your beliefs. You probably wouldn’t be asked for  a detailed explanation on how you think the world is going to end, though.

  • LL

    Quantum Romneyism … LOL. 

  • Random_Lurker

     Sorry, that wasn’t me.

  • Carstonio

    I’ve only read Heir to the Empire, which didn’t hold my interest. I’ve also read Splinter of the Mind’s Eye and Daley ‘s Han Solo trilogy, although I don’t know if they count as EU since they preceded Zahn’s work. With Disney planning on a new trilogy, I think it needs a strong unifying theme. The original trilogy had Luke’s maturation and progress toward becoming a Jedi, and the newer one had Anakin’s journey to the dark side. What works in the EU would you recommend for such a theme.

  • I have no trouble, NONE WHATSOEVER, picturing Paul Ryan zipping down the shoulder of I-94 during the apocalypse, ignoring injured civilians and congratulating himself on his driving and phone savvy as dials the car dealership to negotiate for those leather seats and CD player (you can listen to those new-fangled music-thingies!) now that the Milwaukee airport has been crispy-fried.

  • rm

     I have always believed that “parsecs” was short for “light parsecs,” a unit of time.

  • Victor

     (To be a Mormon priest, you have to be 14 and have a penis.)

    That’s not very nice nerdy cell is t!?

    Leave him, her and/or “IT” alone sinner vic cause this nerdy cell probably missed the ship after Halloween just like many of  U>S (usual sinning) godly cells who forgot to fallow GOD’s various Pro Cre a “t” ion, I mean creation of Angel Cells that was sent by “Father Time”. 

    Hey folks! You will pray, pray and then pray somemore for Victor!



    Also: Paul Ryan looks douchebaggy enough he could pass for Kirk Cameron Williams. :P

  • Well, damn, how many hybrid pagan/Wiccan/Catholic weddings have there been, then?

  • Are you serious?  Because, a) that would be parsecs / lightspeed, not light-parsecs or light parsecs, and b) one of those would be over three years, so the Kessel Run would have taken him about 40 years.

  • What works in the EU would you recommend for such a theme?
    The two existing movie trilogies had fairly tight myth arcs about the development of their central characters (and I’ll contend there’s a very good plot at the heart of the prequel trilogy, even if the presentation was… uninspired), and very little in the EU is really about that. Any given work in the EU, after the Emperor’s death, is more about turning Star Wars into an episodic adventure series structured more like Doctor Who than the movies. But for the movies, I think they should either move on to the next generation (for thematic consistency), or look harder at what it means to be a hero who doesn’t get lost along the way, but now has to deal with the fallout of their heroism.

    Of the EU, I’d probably pick and choose mostly from Zahn’s Thrawn trilogy to build something around the latter central theme. Mara Jade is a good character for that, paired with Luke, because she’s a pointed reminder that his responsibility isn’t just some big impersonal obligation to the galaxy, or the Jedi, or whatever, but to actual people who have been hurt and cast adrift. What does redemption mean for someone who has done bad things and yet didn’t conveniently die when she’s no longer doing those bad things?

    Luke is (or should be) about how the big, high-minded stuff espoused by others – the Sith, the Jedi, the Empire, the Republic – comes down to the personal level. Luke vs. Vader wasn’t just Sith vs. Jedi, it was father and son. In the same way, Mara is much like Luke through a mirror darkly. Almost everything in her history is something Luke went through, but filtered through the Dark Side or lacking some perfect opportunity that he got. So while you have the backdrop of the renewed war with Thrawn, fighting to pick up the pieces and rebuild what you’re responsible for breaking before someone else does, there’s still the personal story of Luke and Mara that reflects the bigger circumstances, which is a lot more necessary to a proper Star Wars story than lightsaber fights and big war scenes.

    Also Zahn opened each book with a Star Destroyer passing over the “camera.” Gotta have that.

  • LoneWolf343

    What kind of gall does it take to lie about your religious beliefs?

  • EllieMurasaki

    None at all if one’s physical safety depends (as, for some folks, it does) on being thought to believe the same things as do people one sees every day.
    Which doesn’t excuse Romney the least little bit.

  • johndurbinn

    Mitt Rommey is the second cumming of jesus christ

  • EllieMurasaki

    Well Jesus should clean up his own damn splooge then. That’s just unsanitary.

  • Lunch Meat

    The Hand of Thrawn duology has some really good points, with the people who want to make peace with what’s left of the empire vs the people who want to stir up more trouble. I can see that being a good unifying theme, but without doing the trilogy first, there would just be way too much exposition and backstory to cram in or oversimplify.

    I support the Thrawn trilogy because it could focus on Leia and Mara’s journeys instead of making it all about men.

  • EllieMurasaki

    I support the Thrawn trilogy because it could focus on Leia and Mara’s journeys instead of making it all about men.

    From the company that made their Rapunzel remake all about the prince?

  • Lunch Meat

    I said “could”.

  • Well, one thing’s for sure.  They’ll have Mark Hamill back as Luke.  After all, Weird Al told me so:

    But I know that I’ll be coming back some day
    I’ll be playing this part ’till I’m old and gray

    The long-term contract I had to sign
    Says I’ll be making these movies till the end of time
    Oh with my Yoda

  • P J Evans

     I thought duct tape was what bound the universe together – it has a light side and a dark side, too. *g*

  • Thrawn trilogy also just has so much going on that you’re kind of spoiled for choice if you want to write a movie trilogy, giving a good scriptwriter and editor an excuse to go at it with a scalpel and sutures to cut and rebuild as necessary. You could do it so many ways that it’s almost a shame to settle on just one of them. Still, since we’d have to, something centered around Leia and Mara’s perspectives sounds wonderful. I think you could finagle some extra perspective on Leia’s character and that of the Rebellion/New Republic out of the whole subplot with Garm bel Iblis and his feud with Mon Mothma, too.

  • He does not.  He’s the worst fifth-rate hack I’ve ever seen, at least the worst one to take up that much shelf space.  It’s an ongoing mystery and frustration to me that he keeps getting hired to write for major IPs.

  • bytebear

     Christ will reign from Jerusalem, and Zion, the new Jerusalem.  You didn’t really think the New Jerusalem was the same as the old Jerusalem, did you?

  • bytebear

     Jackson County.