Chick-fil-A Biblical Family of the Day

Chick-fil-A president Dan Cathy: “We support biblical families.”

Today’s Chick-fil-A Biblical Family of the Day: Dad’s concubine III (Genesis 35:22).

While Israel lived in that land, Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father’s concubine; and Israel heard of it.

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  • OriginalExtraCrispy

    Must’ve been a hell of an orgasm.

  • Guest

    Aw, crap, here comes Reuben. Hide up this alley, or he’ll tell us all about how he banged his Dad’s concubine *again*.

  • Deborah Moore

    It really makes you wonder what Dad did when he found out.

  • flat

    promised land: the new drama over the Israel family: adultery, kidnapping, infighting.

    Follow the new series in the bible.

  • LoneWolf343

    All of Israel heard about it? That’s a noisy lay.

  • I wonder if that was where ancient earthquakes came from ;)

  • Nicanthiel

    Not sure if you’re being facetious or not, but in this case, Israel is referring to the singular individual Jacob (who is alternately referred to as Jacob or Israel after his wrestling encounter), not the Israelites/tribes.

    Still, imagine the scene. “Hey son, what are you doing in there?” “Oh, nothing, Dad” “You sure? I thought I heard Bilhah’s voice”

  • ohiolibrarian

    Apparently concubines are rather like bottles of beer on the wall. She, of course, had nothing to say about being “passed around”.

  • Thebewilderness

    This was the last place I expected to encounter rape jokes in the comments. Silly me.

  • Something not clear from the English translation: Was Bilhah the father’s name, or the concubine’s?  At first I took it to be the concubine’s, and was surprised at seeing a named woman, especially in this context.  Then I realized it might be the father’s, instead.

    ETA: OK, a quick moment with Wikipedia clears that right up. I didn’t know Reuben’s dad was Jacob. And Bilhah is, of course, the concubine.

  • EllieMurasaki

    Bilhah’s the concubine. One of them. I forget whether she was Rachel’s slave or Leah’s, but the other one had a slave named Zilpah, and all four of these women gave birth to at least a couple of Jacob’s sons. Probably several of Jacob’s children, actually (Rachel excepted as considerable attention is paid to how she only had Joseph and Benjamin), since it seems a wee bit unlikely that Jacob had thirteen children and only one daughter; I think it’s more likely that Jacob only had one daughter whose name anyone bothered writing down and that only because Dinah was involved in an international incident. I forget whether the incident was rape or consensual sex, though. Either way it pissed off her brothers enough that they killed the guy and all his friends.

  • flat

    Dina got raped.

  • EllieMurasaki

    Yeah, but rape as in illicit sex because they weren’t married, or rape as in she didn’t tell the guy she wanted it? I remember Simeon and them saying it was rape, but that could as easily be a lie to better stir up their buddies for war as the truth. I do not remember Dinah’s perspective at all.

  • EllieMurasaki

    Having now reread Genesis 34: where did I get the idea it was consensual?
    I bet it was Five Books of Miriam. Or The Red Tent. Because we really don’t hear from Dinah in Genesis, and both those books give her voice. I’ll have to check Five Books of Miriam when I get home, and I don’t know where my copy of The Red Tent got off to.

  • MikeJ

    When I was a kid I  had trouble  just getting the keys to the car.

  • LoneWolf343

     Yeah, it was a joke. I’m sorry to have confused you.

  • Amaryllis

    Dinah’s consent or lack thereof was irrelevant. Bilhah’s consent or lack thereof was irrelevant. As, for that matter, was her consent to becoming Jacob’s concubine and bearing his children “on Rachel’s knees.” (She was the original Handmaid who inspired The Handmaid’s Tale, after all.)

    And this whole thing is probably the same kind of thing that Absalom was up to with his father’s concubines. Reuben was the son of Leah; Bilhah was the handmaid and stand-in of Rachel; Reuben was usurping his father’s rights over his mother’s rivals, in an act of rebellion against them all.

    Biblical family values. And no, it isn’t funny. Not funny at all.

  • Amaryllis

    The Chick-fil-A Poem of the Day:

    Myth is prison, a palace,
    truth without fact.

    Myth is birth and pleasure, teeth and death,
                  sharp shiver of that which is broken.

    Myth is patriarchal and worn,
                  full of fratricide and rape.

    Myth is a garden, makes good television,
                  the scandal of animals
                  and people
                  coupling beneath the stars.

    Myth is crow eating roadkill and dodging the occasional cars,
                  a pile of guts and bones.

    Myth is carrying the body back to the den.

                               –Close your eyes and count to ten.

    – Tod Marshall, from “The Book of Failed Descriptions”