Chick-fil-A Biblical Family of the Day

Chick-fil-A president Dan Cathy: “We support biblical families.”

Today’s Chick-fil-A Biblical Family Rule of the Day: When to kill your family (Deuteronomy 13:6-11).

If anyone secretly entices you — even if it is your brother, your father’s son or your mother’s son, or your own son or daughter, or the wife you embrace, or your most intimate friend — saying, “Let us go and worship other gods,” whom neither you nor your ancestors have known, any of the gods of the peoples that are around you, whether near you or far away from you, from one end of the earth to the other, you must not yield to or heed any such persons.

Show them no pity or compassion and do not shield them. But you shall surely kill them; your own hand shall be first against them to execute them, and afterwards the hand of all the people. Stone them to death for trying to turn you away from the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. Then all Israel shall hear and be afraid, and never again do any such wickedness.

  • Foreigner

    Creeping Sharia law, innit.

  • Vermic

    I’ve never stoned any family members, but sometimes on Christmas we have snowball fights.  That kind of counts, right?  We get partial Deuteronomy credit?

  • http://flickr.com/photos/sedary_raymaker/ Naked Bunny with a Whip

    I had to kill him! He tempted me to worship other gods! Yeah, that’s the ticket.

  • AnonymousSam

    This series went through my head last night. My aunt-in-law (sorta) tried to ruin the Christmas party by getting on a rant about politics and religion. She’s conservative, every single person at the party was liberal, and she knows this. Next thing anyone knows, the phrase “Well, ya’ll know the gays want to ruin marriage by redefinin’ it. Marriage is s’posed to be like the Bible says.” I wanted very badly to ask her how the Bible says it’s supposed to be — two wives, a concubine and several slaves?

    A friend of the family tried to engage her with a secular argument instead, saying that the first amendment states that we can’t base our laws in such a way that it specifically caters to one religion above all others. Her retort was that just because something is Biblical doesn’t mean it’s religious. He quit arguing with her after that and changed the subject.

  • aunursa

    On Sunday my 11 year-old enjoyed her first day in the snow.  Yesterday she took her first skiing lesson.  Then, while more snow fell all around us, she initiated a snowball fight with her father.  This morning we woke up to two more feet.  My first White Christmas.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jrandyowens Randy Owens

    This morning we woke up to two more feet.

    Well, that sounds awkward.  I hope you at least got some extra shoes for Christmas (if you participate in gift exchange).

  • Damanoid

    I like the way the Bible uses a hypothetical quotation here.  What if somebody says, “Come, let us worship other gods?”  Because this is a thing someone is likely to say.  They’ve got no specific other gods in mind, either; they’re just looking for something to do.   It’s like they’re talking about sneaking a smoke behind the barn or something.

    “Hey man, wanna go mess around, worship some other gods?  Like, I hear Kyle’s got some totally wicked other gods over at his place.”

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

     Well, religious experiences, particularly ones that avoided the puritanical movements that hit christianity in the middle of the last milennium, do often seek to induce altered states of consciousness, what with the fancy dress and the chanting and the oils and incenses and the sacremental wine and the summoning of the attentions of otherworldly entities. So it probably isn’t that far off to imagine the temptation being something along the lines of ‘Hey, I hear there’s a cult down the street whose services include a laser light show and a free hit of X for the faithful,” or that someone could go off and have a lost weekend hitting up all the nearby temples on a bender.

  • http://dpolicar.livejournal.com/ Dave

    I have been specifically invited to worship Jesus many times (which, in the theological context in which I was raised, is an invitation to worship other gods). I’ve also been invited to neopagan worship services a couple of times (admittedly, the invitation in this case didn’t mention specific gods, though they were named in the service itself).

    So it does happen… but yeah, the image is funny. “Hey, I know: let’s worship other gods! Uncle Al says we can use the barn!”

  • ReverendRef

     I suppose quoting 1 Timothy (I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she is to keep silent) and telling her to sit down and be quiet was out of the question.

    Sorry about that.  I hope you were able to enjoy the party despite her.

  • Alicia

    The thing about that is that she would probably agree with the sentiment except when it was used to shut her down, personally. Kind of like a Bev LaHaye type thing.

  • ReverendRef

     Yeah . . . funny how that works.

  • Paul W

    No, no, you’ve got it all wrong. The Bible isn’t talking about worshipping ‘other gods’. It’s talking about worshipping the Other Gods, the sight of whom upon the summit of high and rocky Hageth-Kla sent Barzai the Wise to his death.

    Far from being a stupidly harsh punishment for idolatry, this is actually God’s attempt to warn us all not to seek the gods of the outer hells that guard the feeble gods of earth, lest we suffer the vengeance of the infinite abysses, and, like poor Barzai, fall headlong into the sky. :p

  • Abdul Alhazred

    Ah, Cthulhu, when will you return?  In strange eons, even death may die…


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