Bullock, Baseball, Limbaugh

You ever have one of those dreams that’s so delicious and fun that you hate to wake up, and when you do, you think to yourself, “wow, that was GREAT! I want to finish that dream! I want to videotape that dream, so I can dream it again!”

I had such a dream – just awoke from it (yeah, okay, I was sleeping in the middle of the day. My work was done, my insomnia never lets me get a good night’s sleep and my husband was off on an adventure, so I took a nap! Sue me!)

Anyway – this dream – I don’t have all of it, because you know what happens – you wake up and immediately start to lose pieces of it – but I still want to have it again. I want to see it made into a movie – one of those genial comedies that is not Young Frankenstein, but not Spaceballs, either – kind of “Miss Congeniality” good; formulaic and cute, and you can slip into it whenever you happen to be channel-surfing, and sit back and watch with only a bit of guilty pleasure.

It starts with a flashback of a big game – it’s 10-12 years earlier. Don’t remember the team or the stadium; it’s not important, say it’s the Mets. A guy like Jimmy Fallon is in the outfield making a great, game-saving catch. The crowd goes wild! It’s a glory-moment. The last one of his career. After that he tries too hard to replicate the moment, gets the yips and ends up disgraced and done while still pretty young – like Chuck Knoblauch. Now, he’s depressed and promotes sports memorabilia shows. He dreams of redeeming himself, but can’t bring himself to even watch baseball, much less play it.

Another flashback – this time Sandra Bullock. It’s 10-12 years earlier and she is a smart reporter trying to get out of the shadow of a dumb-but-perky American Sweetheart NewsDitz. Gets a line on a way to infiltrate Rush Limbaugh’s workplace (which, being ten years ago, my brain put in NY) and figures an “insider” expose detailing Limbaugh’s maniacal management and dubious empire will get her noticed and make her America’s New “SMART” Sweetheart NewsDitz. Like the baseball player, she tries too hard to find the dirt, comes face-to-face with a genial and pleasant Limbaugh who humorously has her walked outside and left, storyless and disgraced. We see her in present times, divorced, Mommy-tracked – she encounters a thug she once helped put behind bars, and he doesn’t even remember her enough to hate her. She’s depressed. She dreams of redeeming herself, especially since the Sweetheart AnchorDitz is now Press Secretary to the President, but just looking at current news programs activates the gag-reflex.

The dream was formulaic. Bullock sets her sights on finally getting that Limbaugh story (she’s been driving and listening to him and sneering at his “talent on loan from GAWD” bit) and needs a way in. Her condo neighbor is none-other than Fallon, who knows all these sports-figures. Who loves to hang with athletes? Limbaugh! Here, I lost some of the dream, but a merry (and platonic) partnership is being formed over lasagna and cabernet, while her daughter watches a Muppet-type of program where various celebs, like Bruce Willis and Yo-You Ma are interspersed with furry creatures and they’re all talking about how bad America is compared to Europe. So, I figure, this is taking place during the Bush era, definitely pre-Obama. There is no Obama in this scenario.

Limbaugh broadcasts in Florida, now.
Hey, Fallon was going to Florida to talk up some athletes for a card-signing gig! They decide they can help each other. Fallon may find a way to get her near Limbaugh, she – as a “reporter” – may get him close to those superstitious baseball players who are afraid catching his yips (no one is more superstitious than a ball player).

I don’t remember the rest of it, except that Fallon – watching the daughter – ends up getting a sandlot game going with a bunch of kids and their fathers, and it is great and fun, and funny and redemptive. It’s where I woke up, and I thought…I want more. More baseball! More Bullock. Hell, even more Limbaugh – in my dream he was cigar-smoking, ironic and funny!

But man, it was a great dream. I was charmed. That’s a movie I want to see again!

Now, of course, you know what this is about. It’s my annual longing for baseball to begin. My yearly fever. My other passion.

Hurry baseball! And hurry a light-but-charming popcorn summer movie! (Great poster by reader Brian, see here)

About Elizabeth Scalia
  • http://americandigest.org vanderleun

    Must be going around. As I noted yesterday about my previous night.

    “No good. No bueno. Rush Limbaugh in a dream. Could have been Pelosi, but my brain does not seem to be running Phantom of the Opera.
    9:39 AM Mar 27th from BigTweet”

  • http://mutnodjmetsmusings.blogspot.com/ Mutnodjmet

    If it were the right casting, and about 40 years earlier, it could have been a quirky romantic comedy. It is far more inventive and entertaining than anything we will see out of Hollywood this year.

  • saveliberty

    What a great dream! Have you ever considered writing works of fiction?

  • Kathy

    Just 8 more days until Opening Day! Hooray!

  • http://vita-nostra-in-ecclesia.blogspot.com/ Bender B. Rodriguez

    That sounds like a better movie than what’s playing in D.C. now — Reds, Part Two, where a young revolutionary plots and acts to seize control of all the means of production in the country.

  • GM Roper

    Oh for the beginning of baseball season… I long for the crack of the bat as a ball goes sailing into deep center field. There, the center fielder runs, leaps and collides with the right fielder.

    As a Red-Sox fan, and as the commenters above have noted.. it is only a week away… too long I know! I’m fading fast, only the sound of “Play Ball” can revive me.

    Ahhhh, Anchoress, you have penned the perfect post.

  • Pingback: And now, the Poster! | The Anchoress

  • Gayle Miller

    I’m a glutton for punishment, my team is the hapless Cleveland Indians who have been breaking my heart since 1948. I attended the successful World Series games sitting in seats right behind the Indians dugout. My father never bought those seats again because my late mother had a huge crush on Early Wynn the great Cleveland catcher and I had big eyes for Lou Boudreau who was a very handsome man far too old for me. In 1952 they began breaking my heart and have continued to do so for many, many years. But I love baseball season a lot.

    Is it an April Fools’ joke or did our president actually order GM and Dodge to stop sponsoring NASCAR teams? Is he totally off his rocker? Does he want to be run out of office on a rail, tarred and feathered? He isn’t a good president and he’s losing ground with this kind of decision.

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