Head-covered woman, pretty in pink, shamelessly cribbed from this Evangelical site
Taking a break from the writing, (which is not going well, because it’s the first stirrings of Autumn, here in NY and I want to be outside!) I figured I’ll talk about something that’s been in my head for a while, and that is the question of whether I should cover it, while at prayer, and especially at Mass.
Cover my head, I mean.
I started wondering about this last winter, when I would go to Adoration and find myself getting a bit chilled in the stillness, and so I would put my jacket hood (or my scarf) over my head for a bit of warmth.
Covering the head certainly helped with the chill, but it also helped with the prayer. The scarf or hood would cut off a bit of my peripheral vision, so my focus was more intent upon the monstrance and His Majesty, Present. I was less distracted by the comings and goings of others, and I found this to be a good thing. Also, the very act of placing the scarf/hood over my head with purposefulness seemed to, I don’t know, just put me into a more mindful state. “I am covering my head because I am going to pray. That is not the same as doing the dishes, and this act of lifting the scarf over my head signifies same.”
Okay, sometimes doing the dishes can be an act of prayer, too, but you know what I mean. There was a line of demarcation being drawn, interiorly and exteriorly, and I found that to be a good and helpful thing, too.
Because I did, I thought for Lent I might experiment with wearing some sort of headcovering while at mass, but I did so with a sense of fear and trepidation. I hate being conspicuous, and I know that frequently the women who wear headcoverings are looked at as a little suspect, i.e., that’s fine for the Tridentine Rite, dear, or if you’re attending mass on EWTN, but we put those lacy things away forty years ago and haven’t looked back. What are you a fanatical mystic wannabee?
Of course, one can wear a hat in church but who has hats anymore? I have one vintage thing from the 1930′s that I wear, but it’s a bit dressy, you know?
There is a lady who always covers her head at daily mass -I have referred to her here as “Babushka Lady” but I suspect she always has her head covered.
Nevertheless I found an old-fashioned lace headcovering and tried it. The experiment was not a success. My husband rolled his eyes and said, “oh, why?” The Indian and Nigerian priests seemed unfazed by it, but the American priests also rolled their eyes, looking very much like they were thinking, “oh, why?”
I felt very self-conscious, and hated that, but I also found the thing to be annoying. It slipped around and distracted me and in short order I was saying “enough,” of that. No headcoverings for Lizzie. “Ixnay on the ale-vays,” said I.
But during my retreat, in long hours alone before the Blessed Sacrament, I often wished I had a light scarf or shawl I could use to cover my head. It just seemed . . . appropriate, somehow. My clothes are all unimpressive; half of them are rags because I hate to shop, but the feeling would nag that if my clothes were less than glamorous, my head should at least be covered before the King.
I know all the scripture arguing for headcovering, and I’ve always snorted about it; another time, another place. And there is, as well-addressed here, no moral or canonical obligation to cover the head.
This has nothing to do with scripture and everything to do with interior nagging.
So, I’m going to try it again, but not with the classic black-lace-triangular covering that is the bane of so many in the church, (or with the kooky round “dinner plate” headcovering that I’d hated as a kid). Since a scarf felt natural to simply wear around my neck and bring up to my head while in church, I’m thinking that is the way to go. But I don’t want to look like a Babushka Lady, with a bright floral thing, and I also don’t want it to be heavy.
I’m going to go with something similar to this – more netting, less lace and no sparklies.
No, that’s not a picture of me (my arms should be so thin). But this is in-line with what I’m thinking about; I can wear it more or less as a scarf and then just slip it over my head (but still scarf-y) before mass.
Your thoughts? Especially you, ladies? A non-issue, a stupid thing, a thing worth-trying again? You see what a writer will do to keep from writing?
UPDATE: If you don’t wish to leave a comment, take the poll:
Related:
Sometimes I wish I were Jewish because so many of these headcoverings are so nifty. I think some of those would actually be terrific, less-cumbersome headgear for our young sisters. Downright Marian, even.
This is gorgeous, but I’m way too much of a peasant to ever carry that off!
UPDATE II:
It seems a surprising number of women cover their heads while praying in the privacy of their homes or while reading scripture. Getting lots of emails from women who cover and the gorgeous shawls they use and make. Beautiful! Some are even…wait for it…RED!
UPDATE III: How the experiment went
I don’t wear a headcovering when I pray, though I do find the idea intriguing having read your post. However, I have been blessed with a head of very thick, very black, very Irish (meaning wild and often out of control) curls. Currently, they are a little over a foot and a half long and usually, I wear them some way that keeps my periphal vision free. However, I can *never* pray seriously that way. (Obviously a quick, “Father, you’ve brought so-and-so to mind, be the need at this moment.” isn’t what I mean.) I always end up taking it down and letting it fall around my face. I have wondered at times if I weren’t subconsciously using it as a headcovering in the way that Paul mentioned, but having read your post, I think that I’ve been unknowingly blocking my periphal vision to bring my focus to God, who for some reason I can’t understand, wants to be my friend.
I think the impulse to special religious clothing is nearly universal–everything from Sikh turbans, the Muslim hijab for women, the knit wool caps of the Muslim Sufis, all the way down to Lloyd Melby’s Goin’ To Church Suspenders, mentioned in a mail-order clothing catalog I get from Garrison Keeler country. Lloyd’s suspenders are thinner, therefore “dressier” than the sturdy ones he wears up on the wheat combine.
In my variety of Buddhism, lamas, both lay and monastic, male and female, usually wear a special set of clothing, consisting of a yellow top [traditionally sleeveless, fully buttoned, with a narrow upright collar--but American lay lamas have taken to polo shirts of saffron yellow], a full length skirt of maroon cotton or wool, a sleeveless maroon quilted vest or v-neck sweater when cold [these are often decorated with silk brocade insets as a mark of high rank among monks], and a maroon wool or cotton shawl, called a “zen” [no not the same "zen", the language is Tibetan]. Monks in full dress also wear an overrobe of saffron, usually cotton. Lama’s exchange the zen for a quilted jacket outdoors in cold weather.
They usually wear some of these garments when doing all mundane tasks. I still chuckle over the memory of a certain lama 20 years ago who was working on the construction site of a Shrine Hall and wearing a tool belt with nail pockets over his dharma skirt.
Ordinary lay people, particularly “genyen” who have taken full lay practice vows, sometimes wear a zen at group rituals, usually a prized possession when they have one.
Yogis and Yoginis, who do certain practices that essentially make them immune from the cold, wear what is basically a single, wrapped cotton bed sheet both in Winter and Summer. One of the tests of their progress is to be able to dry one of these garments, when sopping wet, outdoors in the middle of Winter.
None wear head coverings, because headgear is the privilege of high lamas while teaching and is also added to the dharma robes for all lamas at specific ceremonial events. My lineage has a red hat shaped like a fanned out deck of cards in front and rear, the Dalai Lama’s lineage has a saffron, horn shaped, hat, curled forward and trimmed with saffron dyed fur on the top edge. You have probably seen this hat in films about Tibetan Buddhism.
“Dharma protocall” requires long skirts or pants and no shorts for women, and long trousers for men, as a gesture of respect and restraint towards monastics who have taken a vow of total celebacy.
All of this dress is shaped by the fact that Buddhists traditionally sit cross-legged on the floor and Western “business suits” or shaped skirts and fitted blouses neither work well nor look good in this position.
Save for the long pants, I wear none of these, though I am a genyen, and my creaky American joints and inflexibly painful American muscles no longer permit me to sit on the floor. I am a comparatively indolent genyen in the bargain and probably acquiring some special dress like a zen would tone my attitude up, but respect and commitment to Dharma practice comes from the heart and not the outer covering, and all in the Shrine Hall know this.
I think a previous commenter was speaking of the youtube videos from Fr. Donald Kloster. From the website, The Traditional Latin Catholic Mass linke here. Here is a paragraph from the FAQs on that site from Fr. Kloster:
“Why do women wear a dress and a veil? One of most important things we do as Catholics is to give God our best…St. Francis said “Poverty in all things except those that pertain to the adornment of the Church.” When you go into a Church you are participating in the adornment of the Church. You have to give your best. You shouldn’t be wearing what you normally wear every day on the street. You should have something for God. The scriptures are very clear about wearing a wedding garment to the nuptials…and the wedding garment is a symbol of the fact that we are putting on our best to be in God’s presence…and the veil for women is as the scriptures tell us, it is a sign of submission to authority…this is a symbol that they are submitting themselves to Christ…we would never think that Mary would enter the temple without a head covering and she is the example for how women should act… The greatest Christian was a woman, Mary, and she is the greatest example.”
I attend the Latin Mass, and do wear a veil or hat. About half of the women who attend our Mass wear some sort of headcovering. When I go to a Novus Ordo Mass or to Adoration, I continue to wear a headcovering because I’m still in the physical presence of Christ. I’m not trying to be holier than anybody, but obedient, submissive and reverent before My Lord Jesus Christ. I don’t do it for me. I do it for Him.
I went through the same debate with myself over headcoverings when my family and I converted 4 years ago. I even bought some, and wore them a couple times, but at the time we were living in California, and no one else at the parish seemed to wear them, and I hate to be stared at, so I gave it up (you could say I gave it up from a form of pride..I didn’t want to seem odd.) I still have the head coverings though. My daughter has worn them a few times. She doesn’t really care if people stare. We mainly attend the base chapel now, where only one woman, an older lady from the Phillippines, wears a cover, a round lace “doily”. Sometimes we go to a church near my mom’s, where two younger girls wear veils. They get some looks. I still would like to wear a headcover, but still am not comfortable with the stares.
By the way, I bought my headcoverings from Devorah, one of the sites you linked to. They are beautiful, well-made. I have a couple of the snood-types, and a couple of the Tiechels, which I like because of the tie-back. My daughter likes to wear my white eyelet tiechel most of the time. I like the metzach…she didn’t have those four years ago when I ordered, at least, not that I remember. I might order a couple of those to use as head covers. They’re less…obvious, I guess.
I like your practice of veiling to pray. There are NO veiling rules that are observed, so to say that is grandstanding, or that if you’re going to veil you need to veil all the time, is just plain wrong. Personally, I have a very expressive face, always at the wrong time. If I’m feeling very passionate during prayer I sometimes get embarassed, and feel that I may look like I’m “grandstanding.” When I feel like that I say a quick prayer to Mary to cover me from the eyes of the other people. I know then that people are absorbed in their own prayers and thoughts, that I am veiled from their eyes, and can focus on my prayer without self-consciousness. So when you veil, and snippity words like “grandstanding” come into your mind, you can pray to be made invisible to others, and of course then you will be. And get a beautiful veil that gives you pleasure even when it isn’t covering your head in prayer.
Are you also going to kneel and receive on the tongue from the Priest? If you are going to cover, why not try to recover what has been lost in the new mass. Follow the example Pope Benedict has been giving.
I pray our Pastors would.
[No, I wouldn't kneel without a kneeler. Horribly arthritic. Would hold up the whole line! -admin]
I got out of the habit of dressing up for Mass when I was in college. It was a mile walk from campus to the local Catholic Church, and I wasn’t about to do that in a skirt and heels when the wind chill was -20F and there was a foot of snow on the ground. I mention this to provide insight into my attitude towards attire at Mass; I truly believe that our presence is more important than our appearance.
That said, I work in a field where hair must be rigorously restrained to keep it from contaminating experiments. Particularly on Holy Days when I go to Mass right from work, I often have my hair bound up in some manner of scarf or bandanna. Even though I’m also usually dressed in lab-appropriate jeans and plain cotton shirts, prayer does feel more reverent, somehow, when my head is covered. I get a few funny looks, but I’m getting better at blithely ignoring such scrutiny. After all, it’s nobody’s business but mine and God’s.
I haven’t ordered any scarves from tznius, but I use their instructions to tie scarves I’ve gotten elsewhere. A stylish scarf is head and shoulders above those horrible staticky white puffball hairnets I’d have to wear in lab otherwise. Wearing a scarf to Church is not such a big stretch.
Attitudes toward headcoverings while at worship are all over the place, and make little or no sense to me. Jewish men are expected to cover their heads out of respect for God, but Christian men are expected to take their hats off when they enter a Church – also out of respect. The bishop wears both a miter and a zucchetto during some parts of the Mass, the zucchetto only during other parts, and has his head uncovered at still others! Monastic men today usually leave their heads uncovered, but no one says anything if one puts his cowl over his head to avoid a draft! And of course, in the past, women were expected to cover their heads when entering a Church at the same time a man was expected to remove his hat! I must say it’s really confusing.
Wow a lot of comments on this one; must be a bigger issue with women and not just me than I thought.
” but I did so with a sense of fear and trepidation. I hate being conspicuous, and I know that frequently the women who wear headcoverings are looked at as a little suspect, i.e., that’s fine for the Tridentine Rite, dear, or if you’re attending mass on EWTN, but we put those lacy things away forty years ago and haven’t looked back. What are you a fanatical mystic wannabee?”
Oh, my thoughts exactly!! I want to be humble and pious but not thought of as such. What a conundrum! Am looking for a scarf/shawl that I could wear with anything and then pull up over my head when I enter Church. I like some of the ones you linked to and I am going to try it. Who knows, maybe we’ll start something. I say the inner nudging is a message and to just go for it.
I am all over the place! I help out at my parish as an EMHC and a reader. There’s no way I could wear a veil doing that. When not assigned to either, I tend to dress up, but I have on occasion gone to Mass in jeans. Sometimes I will go to a Daily Mass in shorts if I am not working.
That said, we go to a TLM on occasion. After our first Mass, I bought a 1962 missal and a lace mantilla that comes halfway down my arms. It does not slip at all.
Now, I know that my headcovering is related to God, and not the actual Mass I am attending, but nevertheless I’m too much of a coward.
To keep a scarf or shawl in place, use hijab or shawl pins!!!
Un sharpened pins are used to pin the scarf to the top of the head. Or just use hair clips.
I won’t bother getting into any of the theological back-and-forth on whether or not to do it – I figure you’ve got a good handle on it. Plus, you’re right – that interior nagging thing is hard to ignore.
Do consider just wearing something at home for prayer at first – that helped me just feel more at ease with it.
But if you do keep going forward with your experiment in public, I would echo the comments of other posters about trying out some sort of rectangular scarf or pashmina. The pashmina would definitely give more of that “hooded” feel you enjoyed, but it’s also more conspicuous. The scarf tends to be less obvious to folks (IMO) but if you tie it behind your neck you’re just covering your hair and not doing anything to prevent seeing other distractions. That being said, I still think it helps. And it doesn’t shift around or give you any grief during Mass.
Anyway, good luck this weekend! I’ve been wearing pashminas/scarves (never a mantilla! Too frilly and ostentatious for me.) for several months now. –grin– As a Protestant kid I used to drape towels and pillowcases as makeshift veils – I guess I was a goner from the get-go.
[I should have mentioned that I already cover in prayer at home -admin]
I did my time in the ultra-orthodox Latin Mass (think Archbishop Lefebvre, and then go a bit more extreme) some 30 years ago. Much of what we were taught was that we were the “real” Catholics; the others were all wrong. We were holier than they were and much smarter, too, because we knew the difference. I still run into the Latin Mass crowd once in a while and the girls wear long skirts–modesty is everything–and headcoverings are required at church. I am aware that their mother teaches them that I am wrong…about everything.
With that experience behind me, I cringe at hearing people talk about women needing to cover their heads because women tend to defy authority. I cringe when people use the Bible to show that women should cover their heads. I cringe when I hear that women should cover their hair out of modesty. (As for men dressing up because they are lazy…good grief. Make them push their lawnmowers up the aisle, then.)
I do not cringe when someone wants to cover her head in church because she wants to cover her head in church. Wear it if you like. You might want to start by wearing a hat during the winter…everyone understands that taking off a hat causes hat-hair, so no one would wonder why you wear the hat. You could just continue with the hats after winter is over. I have a hunch, though, that a hat worn for another purpose may not feel as special as a scarf worn only for prayer. There are some gorgeous scarves out there. Be the Scarf Lady.
I am a long-time lurker who grew up Catholic and now attends a lovely Lutheran church. (We don’t do the “Jesus salute” either, and I know some of the women wear prayer shawls.) Anchoress, I love your gentle approach to religious discussions and apologize for criticizing your other guests. I can’t remember when comments after one of your posts annoyed me so much. Oops. That was one of those apologies-that-aren’t. I really am a boor, aren’t I?
I have been wearing a head covering at Mass (most of the time) and during Adoration for a few years now.
At first I felt self-conscious and confess sometimes I STILL do. But I wear it for good reason; I feel called to do so as it is a sign of respect for Our Lord. It reminds me of who I am as a woman, and as a representation of the Bride of Christ (ie the Church, not a religious sister). It reminds me of the humility of Our Lady, it keeps me focused, and reminds me of how holy I’m NOT but am called to be. Holy things have always been veiled; the tabernacle in many places is also veiled. I, too, am a temple of the Holy Spirit….isn’t that enough reason to veil?
I do think all women should wear it, although from their own personal decision to do so, not through an exterior type of force. The Church does not require it. Internal conviction…does. For some of us, anyway.
To those who desire to wear some type of head covering but are too shy…start with a hat. A lot of ladies wear simple hats on Sundays, and it looks good. It’s also a head covering. Over time, you may decide to go with a different type. But if you have that interior conviction or call to wear one, what are you waiting for? Why make Our Lord wait for you to do such a simple little thing for him, such a small act of love and devotion?
Don’t worry about people staring. I tell myself those stares are more appropriately directed at those who insist on dressing like they are getting ready to grill hot dogs or scrub the floors, instead of preparing to receive the Eucharist.
Personally I have always hated the little lace doilies we wore to church at my parochial grade school. I love the longer lace head coverings, however, and have been considering them myself. There is no way wearing a yard of lace can do anything except make the wearer look even more feminine.
I have worn hats to church for decades now. My mother was from the school that a well dressed lady was never without a hat before 5 PM. She even had little cocktail hats appropriate for evening wear. I always adored her hats and began to collect custom made hats as an adult. I am not fully comfortable in church unless I am dressed in my best clothes and wearing a hat.
I went to St. John Cantius when I lived in Chicago. Four of their five Sunday masses were in Latin, thus there were many ladies with covered heads so my hat never seemed out of place. There are still a smattering of hats in my current Church because they never went entirely out of fashion among women in the South due to the need to protect fair skin from the summer sun. (Being in a vacation area, however, I cringe at those who will show up in shorts, scanty sun tops and flip-flops.)
A curiosity: I wouldn’t dream of attending a Latin Mass without a head scarf, but, when I wear it for the Novus Ordo, I feel overdressed. When I do wear a scarf, I love the feeling of being closed in (or off) and am much less distracted.
I would never wear slacks (we used to call them slacks, not pants) to Mass, either on Sunday or weekdays. When slacks became common in public a lot of years ago, there was a saying that is still true: Some women look good in slacks, but not the bulk of them! If that doesn’t make you think twice, well . . .
Women don’t seem to own full-length mirrors nowadays, or, if they do, they never look at their reflections from the back with a hand mirror. It is seldom as pretty a picture as face-forward.
“If we could see ourselves as others see us”–from behind.
+J.M.J.+
I started covering over a year ago now. I felt called to it for about a year before I did cover though. It was really hard at first, I was judged by many to be acting “holier than thou” just because I felt called to cover my head at Mass. So I searched for (and found) a covering that was less ‘showy’. It blends in well with my hair coloring (I got it in brown), so that most of the time, people don’t realize that I am covering. I found this quote from a website, and it is definitely true of how I feel: “The moral law requires all women to wear the veil on their hearts. A woman should not wear the veil on her head, until she is wearing it first on her heart.” When I can’t cover, I still feel ‘veiled’ and the saints and the angels help ‘veil’ me.
My husband is not Catholic, but he understands my struggle that I have had with this, and understands that if I feel I’ve been called (by God) to do this, then I should do it.
+J.M.J.+
This is the website that helped me (without seeming judgmental towards those that don’t veil):
Good gracious, Anchoress, you have touched a nerve! Took the words right out of my mouth, and apparently lots of other women too. I feel the same pull, the same desire to cover my head and show respect in that way. I wore hats all winter long, no problem! But hats felt weird in the summer. Veils seem truly out of place in most American churches nowadays, how sad is that??
I sort of gave up recently, although now I feel half-naked at Mass w/o a head covering! Will try again with scarves. I’ve worn scarves loosely around my shoulders, and then it up over my hair after getting into the pew and toss one side over the shoulder. You need a lightweight fabric that will stay put, not slip off. Thanks for the gentle push to try again!
Yes, when will the Church leaders reaffirm this beautiful practice that honors God and imitates Mary??
I wear a headcovering in church. You can see it here:
Right now I attend a Latin Mass, and all women cover their heads. But I’ve also worn a chapel veil at other churches – and I’m the ONLY one.
Twice I’ve been complimented for it, actually, and no one has ever *said* anything to me about it.
I used to wear a veil regularly when I went to Mass, both when I attended the Extraordinary Form of the Mass, and when I attended at my normal parish. In the latter case, I was usually the only one. I rarely got comments on it, although I would get the occasional smile or, more often, dirty look.
I loved it! Both because of the way it decreased distractions/put me “in the zone” for praying, but also (and more importantly!) because it was a way to give reverence to God, and affirm my belief in the Real Presence in a tangible way.
I left the faith for quite some time, though, and have not picked up the practice again since I returned… for a lot of reasons, not the least of which being that this is a small town, and I would rather not give scandal. I, too, still feel a little naked without it, and have often contemplated wearing a headcovering at least when praying at home, too.
How sad/weird that it’s more of a “scandal” in most American Catholic churches to wear a veil than to wear a spaghetti-strap top…..
I wear one to the Latin mass every Sat and Sun.
It really helps me concentrate/pray better. It would definitely be “holier than thou” at my local church though, so, well, I don’t go there any more.
Loved your article because I could totally relate. I also tried the head covering tradition and found it to be embarrassing to say the least. I felt as if everyone was staring at me and I even felt some people avoided sitting near me! I was mortified. I think the black lace (which I also ended up getting after a couple tries) doesn’t really cut off your side vision so it becomes more an appearance factor (to the laity) and a respect issue towards God. Maybe use a regular head scarf which actually prohibits side vision which does help you to pray. I love the idea but because it made going to church so difficult, I had to stop. Older women can get away with the tradition but younger women really do get “looks” unfortunately. If you can muster up the courage, do it.
I understand the urge, frankly; its about awe in the presence of God and wanting a way to express that. My hesitation is that it would be a distraction at my parish (and it would be–I’d be the only one). I don’t want to be a distraction either. So I use a light scarf I bought from SERRV International for private prayer, sometimes. Sometimes use the hoodie at Eucharistic Adoration. But it’s hard. Most of the time I take “the urge” and try to translate it into a better interior posture before God, and maybe that’s what God wants for me anyway.
This topic always hits a nerve.
If a headcovering helps you in prayer, then wear one. I don’t get this concern about what others with think or say. Perhaps those who feel some reluctance because of that could pray for the gift of fortitude to be less concerned with what others think.
I grew up at a time when a Kleenex bobby-pinned on was a substitute for a mantilla and that left me with a very strong, in the gut feeling of associating mandated mantillas with external and meaningless motions.
Because of that, I do not take kindly to those who insist that I should be wearing a headcovering.
For those of you wishing the Vatican would make some sort of recommendation so that you feel more comfortable. How charitable is it to want to mandate that others do what they are not called to do, simply to reduce your own discomfort?
That brings me back to my earlier suggestion, which was to pray for the gift of fortitude to wear a mantilla if that’s what you want to do.
[All excellent advice, MK. And you really do sound like this hits a nerve with you!
admin]
Hats. I’ve been wearing hats for 25 years. No one by me knows that it’s about following the call God laid on my heart to cover my head. Most of my friends assumed it was a fashion statement and over the years, the questions have fallen away.
I wear a veil whenever I enter church, no one else does. I feel self-conscious. Don’t worry, you can do it! Offer it up
After reading ALL the comments so far there is one thing that seems to really be true….it IS and us vs. them issue.
[Do you think so? I've think I've read all or most of the comments and what I'm hearing/seeing is many women saying they've felt the urge to cover, but have either had some initial negative responses and put it aside, or they've felt too self-conscious. I have not noticed anyone saying derogatory things about people who are not inclined to cover. Am I missing something? -admin]
I started wearing hats because my hair fell out during chemotherapy. In a way, I was lucky–it was springtime and a large assortment of straw hats were available for Easter. I felt conspicuous, but knew I would feel more so with my bald head. I continue to lector and serve as an EME.
I’ve received many compliments, especially from our parish pastor who is something of a traditionalist. He has commented about “appropriate dress” more than once. I found once I started wearing hats regularly, it became a “non-event.”
I love pashminas and shawls–my problem has always been keeping them from slipping! I spend more time fussing with them than focusing on what I’m supposed to. I don’t have that problem with hats.
Please let us know how your experiment works out for you!
Ok, if you want to cover your head, go for it. But, does it have to look like a throwback to pre-vatican 2? Why not a simple scarf that’s a real scarf- you know, silk, NOT netting? The head-coverings in biblical times were for practical purposes. I know- the most practical thing we ever do is to pray. Still, I think we all always want to look elegant for Our Lord.
I think you should wear a scarf, hat or some kind of head covering cloth several times to mass. The first few times is to experience and get past the newness of wearing it. By the 3rd or forth time you may feel more comfortable and then can asses how the head scarf affects your prayers.
At Eucharistic Devotions you are one-on-one with Christ. The scarf enabled you to separate your self from distractions and allowed you to worship and converse with Jesus.
The Mass is a community prayer and worship. It is your connection with the angels, saints and the community that gives praise to God. It is in this setting you will need to asses how the head scarf helps you with worship.
My experience as The Hat Lady has helped me connect with other people. People, mostly women, come up to me and say that they enjoy seeing what hat I have on today (Sunday morning mass). I have many new friends simply because of a hat. At Saturday morning mass I don’t wear a hat since it more casual.
I have not worn any head covering at Eucharistic Devotions but, since this article, I will try a scarf. Some times it is the simple things that makes a moment special.
God be with you.
It’s been more than 40 years since Vatican II, does anyone really think a few women in traditional headwear will turn the clock back? Does anyone think a few Latin Masses will threaten the English language Mass? It seems like they do. There may be some women who wear the veil as a political symbol, that would be very inappropriate at Mass, but that is not what I’m hearing.
I don’t think anyone here is asking the Pope to mandate veiling women. I think a mere clarification that Vatican II did not require us to stop might help. I grew up wearing a lace/netting veil along side of my mother, great-grandmother and sister. That is the only tradition I care about. I don’t care what anyone else wears, or doesn’t wear, on her head.
http://chrisnicel.typepad.com/knittingsanity/2008/03/another-older-p.html
Anchoress – I have been thinking about head coverings since I made the mantilla for my daughter’s first communion in 2008. There is something reverential in wearing a head covering. I also think it creates a beautiful preparation for the serenity which comes with prayer. By putting it on, I think there is a mental transition to separating to the secular world.
And … on a terribly more practical (and self-indulgent side) … great knitting is also spiritual!!
~Terri
AnotherOldCatholic, yes to all your questions. At least, I’ve heard comments to that effect.
I live in a very dissident diocese where people do indeed express going backwards at the slightest hint of traditional anything. The traditional views are just as strong in the opposite direction. Two years ago, I was told that I couldn’t sing in the choir unless I wore a headcovering.
It’s true that there is much misunderstanding about what changed and what didn’t change in all aspects of the Mass. But I think that at the moment, the focus on liturgical matters is on “bigger fish” than headcoverings (ie, the readings and prayers, appropriate material for chalices, and the doings of dioceses such as mine).
As context for my next comment, let me tell you about my diocese (Rochester):
1. lay preaching occurs on a regular basis.
2. parishes are headed by “pastoral administrators,” usually but not always, women (religious or lay) who makes the decisions even when a priest is on staff and
3. who schedules the priest, called the “sacramental minister,” along with the lectors, EEMs, and altar servers.
4. the diocese collaborates with a local abortionist on an “interfaith dialogue” in which
5. the Catholic deacon blames the Catholic Church for the Holocaust. That deacon ignored sources such as Rabbi Dalin’s book that refuted the anti-Church charges.
6. on the other “interfaith” front, the deacon involved can say Muslim prayers and chides Americans for being fearful (because of 9/11), but did not uphold orthodox Catholic teaching, at least not in his homilies that I heard and has sinced stepped down from parish work in order to devote more time to the “interfaith dialogue” with area Muslims.
7. This past Holy Week, a homosexual (well, “gay marriage”) activist did “liturgical dance” throughout the entire Chrism Mass (where all the sacramental oils for the coming year are blessed).
8. There is widespread support among clergy and laity for both the homosexual lifestyle and women’s ordination. Five years ago, a good proportion of diocesan priests signed a letter to the USCCB and the pope decrying the “violent, abusive, toxic” language of the Vatican document about people with homosexuality, saying the document “demonized” gays and lesbians. It was stopped only because they did it without Bishop Clark’s permission.
9. Bishop Clark, already treading a fine line because of Spiritus Christi, the group that ended up being schismatic because of their blessing of homosexual unions, allowing non-Catholics to receive Communion, and “ordination” of women, and only because then-Cardinal Ratzinger spoke to Bishop Clark.
10. Dissident speakers, who are not allowed to teach Catholic theology (Charles Curran) and/or were advised to not attend a women’s ordiantion conference (Joan Chittister) are regular guest speakers.
11. Three of Sr. Joan Chittister’s books are on the diocesan website as books for “spiritual growth.”
12. Our beautiful Cathedral was gutted and stripped of anything Catholic and
13. recently was temporarily home to a labryinth on the cathedral floor.
14. A diocesan priest (campus chaplain) who is a Reiki master.
15. While other dioceses also contend with school and parish closings, the bishop’s recent closing of 13 schools left only (I think) one Catholic school in the city. Some of the schools and parishes had plans for viability. The most recent parish closure plan has very questionable procedures (decision to close privately made by committe while publicly saying no decision had been made, decision made before all the information released, discrepancies in information presented).
I probably left something out, but you get the idea.
That list was context for an overall perspective and my comment that you folks are all grown-ups, do you really need someone to make a statement giving you permission to wear a headcovering to Mass? Just wear it and if you feel embarrassed or someone gives you a look or a comment, offer it up for us. We could use the prayer support.
Having written that, if you wanted a statement, why doesn’t someone write to Fr. McNamara who answers liturgy questions at Zenit? Anchoress could post or link the response.
Sorry this is so long.
What I left out is that people have told me (I haven’t heard this directly but consider those telling me to be reliable) that Eucharistic Adoration is disparaged.
Until recently, the national “media liaison” for the group advocating for married clergy was active as a lector, EEM, and in RCIA. That is until, he was “ordained” by Bishop Milingro (of the Moonie marriage) and the parish priest was concerned that someone would tell the Vatican.
The bottom line is the same. I realize that some here have expressed reluctance, but if you want to wear a headcovering, just wear it. Consider any reluctance and/or embarrassment to be a contribution to the wider Church.
Regarding the poll results. As a man, I leave my head bare in church. I don’t see too many people saying that men or boys wearing hats in church should be a “personal choice, other opinions don’t matter”. If some punk kid walks in on Sunday morning with a baseball cap, there’s always some old fart ready to charitably teach him about tradition. Why the double standard for men and women? It’s the same line of Scripture.
+JMJ+
Anchoress, I’ve been wearing a veil to Mass, to Adoration, and even to religious processions for five years. I got a lot of stares at the beginning–and still do when I have to hear Mass at a different church–but they’ve never really bothered me.
What does make me uncomfortable, on the other hand, is being asked about the reason I wear a veil. The “inner must” to wear one isn’t easily articulated. All through uni, which was when I reclaimed this practice, I’d just stammer something about repenting of my feminist past, wanting to worship God in a particularly feminine way, etc. (True, yes, but not the whole truth.)
Only a couple of years ago did I finally find the words for my reasons. I wear a veil so that I can worship with my whole body–which is, obviously, a woman’s body. My knees had been doing their job since my childhood, and my tongue since First Holy Communion. I just wanted to bring my hair into proper orbit around the Eucharist (so to speak!).
What I’ve written strikes me as incredibly pious and deeply spiritual, which is not really what I’m like “in real life.” I’d feel uncomfortable repeating it to someone who actually sees me around because it sounds like something a saint would say–and I’m no saint! Besides, I tend to get a rather emotional when I have to talk about it. The desire to wear a veil is one of the greatest graces I have EVER received from God, and I’m not as coolly intellectual about it as I’d like to be.
+JMJ+
The choice is already made for all Roman Catholic females here….1 Cor. 11:1-16.
I am so happy to see all this discussion about head-covering! I got a veil to wear to the TLM, and before long, I loved wearing it so much that I began to wear it whenever I was in the church, whether for Mass or Confession or private prayer.
I loved it for the very reasons you mention: it helps me focus and blots out distractions, and it helps me observe the fact that the church is a sacred place. For more details, see my reflections on head-covering.
Also like you, I didn’t really want a frilly lacy veil–they’re pretty, but not really my style. So I opted for one of the Jewish ones, this one (mine is solid white though, and I wear it untied like a normal mantilla). I’ve seen some other ladies wear more Jewish-style coverings too. I don’t think the style matters so much. Wear one that makes you feel comfortable.
In the poll, I voted that it should be personal choice. I don’t consider myself any different or better than women who don’t cover their heads (which would be 99% of all Catholic women I know!). I didn’t do it for a long time. I did feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, but before I knew it, it became a natural, normal, reasonable thing to do.
God be with you.
Mary Kay,
Thank you for the clarification. My thought was that the Vatican could clear the confusion about the issue, since some people seem to think that Vatican II banned veiling for women and therefore women who veil must be making an anti-VII statement. I really had no idea that things were this bad, this crazy, this divisive. I was feeling defensive about wanting to wear a mantilla, as opposed to a scarf or hat. This is deeply personal to me, but I see now that there is much more going on here than I knew.
You have inspired me, though, to wear my veil without apology. If anyone asks, I’ll say it helps me to pray, seems we are all in need of prayer.
I have always worn either a hat, which I have alot of in various colors & styles, or a lace type of head scarf. I grew up in the time when this was required, then stoped for a while (I was a teenager) and took it up again. I dress for Sunday Mass hence the hat while at daily Mass I wear the scarf again in various colors & style. I love wearing the ancient symbol when I go before Our Lord, it does promote our focus towards our worship much like the Nuns wimple does. So don’t be focus on yourself but what you are there to do…worship Our Lord. Dee
What you wrote about in your post didn’t sound like a veil especially for women, but like either a nun’s wimple or a monk’s hood. It doesn’t sound like you’re looking for a headcovering a la the letter to the Corinthians but a means and a ritual to focus your attention that is common to monastics of both sexes.
St. Mary is Jewish.
Why can’t you wear the Jewish style ones even if you are not Jewish? I think they’re great.
I grew up in a church where it was common, and required during communion time, but currently attend a church where it is rare. I HATED being required to wear a head-covering growing up, and violently threw it off often– while in the communion line– through at least junior high. I’ve never read all the Biblical arguments for and against it and I don’t care to, because at some point I came to see it as a personal exercise in obedience. It’s not immoral to wear a head-covering, so why not just obey?
I just started attending my current church about a year ago. Only 2 people were wearing head-coverings when I first started going there, and I wasn’t sure what to do because of not wanting to call attention to myself. Now it is 3 including me. I bought lace in dark brown that blends well with my hair and I tied it in the back similar to the Jewish photos you showed, but not at all covering my ears. I feel pretty inconspicuous and pretty happy that I am respecting the Eucharist. It’s so comfortable that sometimes I forget to take it off when I leave, and once a young girl (10ish) complemented me on my “bandana.” The way I wear it doesn’t provide that blocking of peripheral vision, which sometimes I miss, and sometimes I don’t. (But I can still do that when I visit my old church.)
If I’m still in this church when I have lots of grey in my hair, I’ll switch to a lighter color to blend with my hair.
In my craziness I also attend a Messianic Jewish congregation on Saturdays as a permanent visitor, not a member. Today, two people were wearing head scarves there and it made me wonder whether I should too. Maybe I’ll start next Saturday, which happens to be Rosh HaShana. Seems appropriate to the High Holy Days.
I am a convert who started wearing a veil a couple of years ago (one year after being received into the church.) I didn’t realize what a controversial issue this was when I first decided to wear the veil.
(I first started wearing it because once as I was waiting to receive Communion, I looked up at the crucifix and prayed, “Thank you, Jesus, for your incredible sacrifice. What can I do for you? In that instant a saw in my mind two women wearing veils: my mother who used to cover her head as part of the Passover seder, and a woman in my parish who wore a veil.” I knew in that instant that God was asking me to step WAAAY out of my comfort zone and wear a veil.)
I knew that women had worn veils “in the old days” and knew they didn’t anymore. But didn’t know anything about why they had, or why they stopped.
I did know — especially after researching it on the internet — that it was a controversial topic. And the thing I was most afraid of was being seen as trying to be a religious show off. Weird how often veil-wearers are criticized for being religious show offs.
I was terrified when I first started wearing it. But I did it anyway. Most people either don’t mention it, or make a positive comment about it. I live in a primarily Hispanic community, and a few of the older women still wear the veil, so it’s not as strange to see here as in some parishes.
I wish more people would ask me about it. I love it now, I definitely feel like it makes my Mass experience more worshipful — especially in my guitar mass.
I also received an excellent booklet about the veil from the company I bought my first veil from. The booklet pointed out how the National Organization of Women encouraged women in their handbook in 1968 to send in their veils for a public burning. That was a clincher for me, a former feminist.
My veil-wearing has also brought some beautiful family history to life. My older sister sent me one of my Grandmother’s veils (my dad was raised Catholic), and my husbands great-aunt gave me a veil crocheted by her mother.
In the past 2 1/2 years since I started wearing it, a lot of female bloggers have posted on the veil, and their desires to wear it, but their fear of being criticized. I think the Holy Spirit is whispering in our ears…
Wear it with confidence, wear it with joy, wear it with pride – yet humility;) BUT wear it and forget the people who judge us for it.
Well, the only real problem I would have with the veil thing is if it started becoming required. Then it sounds way too much like the Muslim women being required to show only their eyes.
I personally believe that a woman’s long hair is her covering (and if for whatever reason she does not have long hair, then a scarf/whatever is a perfectly good substitute).
On an OT note, it slightly bugs me that an unregenerate reprobate like the late Ted Kennedy can receive Holy Communion, whereas an upright (well, insofar as any human sinner can be called upright) man such as John Stott cannot. Slightly only, because I don’t have to go to an RC church to receive communion. (feel free to omit this paragraph, it doesn’t add anything to the discussion at hand)
I grew up being one of the “hate-the-doily-on-the-head” Catholics. After having been unchurched for many, many years, I became Orthodox four years ago. One of the blessings I have repeatedly received is encapsulated in a pithy little slogan my Godmother often says to me when I have questions about things like veiling. “It’s a tool, not a rule,” she says. Asking our priest, he said ” There is no requirement to cover your head, but there is grace in the practice.”
And so I began. With cotton bandanas. They don’t slip off, and I can tie them behind my neck and forget them. I have tried the pretty silk scarves, but I spend too much of the Liturgy fussing with them.
The Russian ladies at my church (OCA) often tuck the ends of long scarves under bra straps (I think) and they wear these dressier scarves beautifully and humbly, and they drape beautifully across their throats, around their heads, and again loosely across the front, tucked into their blouse. No babuska look. I, however, have yet to master this bit of elegance.
I must say that I was surprised at the comments on wanting Papal guidance on this topic; likewise on the possible derision from other worshippers. I felt grateful and sad, all at the same time. Although most of our community does not wear scarves/veils, I certainly am not alone in the practice. (My Godmother of the pithy advice, for example, does not.) I’m not sure that would be the case if the practice caused division (holier than thou) within the Body of Christ of which we are a part.
My 2 cents: if it brings you closer to your Lord, do it, if not, don’t. I hate that what people think blocks one from a spiritual discipline. Of course, I have plenty of other, different blocks.
But I still blink in wonder at the second chance I have been given. And I so appreciate, A, your insight and writings like this to chew on a bit. [Now to check out the links!!]
[I don't think anyone was looking for "papal guidance" per se, and the majority of emails I have had from women who desire to cover but hesitate indicates that they are not looking for the issue to become mandated -rather that it be a personal choice- but that the women who do make that choice not have to suffer the scorn of others who do not. My feeling is that these women (and me, to an extent) just wish the bishops or whoever would gently say, "hey, if a woman wants to cover, that's not a bad thing." I like the way your priest expressed it. If an authoritative voice in the US church said only that much, I think many would be appreciative.-admin]
1 Corinthians 11:15 says our hair is given us for a covering. Read all of chapter 11–its about hair length for men and women not veils! Long uncut hair is a covering for women.
[Well, I cannot wear long, uncut hair, so hopefully God will forgive me, and accept my scarf -admin]
I blogged about this a few months ago (my perspective is that of a woman religious in a “veiled” community) and got some interesting comments. More interestingly, my post was linked by a Muslim woman who was hosting a blog Carnival of “head-covered women” of all faiths.
To those ladies fearful of either standing out or receiving derision, fear not, take the plunge. I’ve been covering for the past eight years (cycling through a variety of styles until I’ve found something that works for me). The style I wear is very similar to the Victorian/vintage covering Jessica linked to on the Garlands of Grace website. Mine are small, edged lace bandanas that tie at the nape of the neck and stay put without the need for pins. Wearing something close to one’s own hair colouring will also soften the covering’s appearance. The first time is the hardest, and we are so often our own worst critics. For me, there is something very personal and special about this practice (I cover for church, prayer, personal and corporate, bible study and worship (likewise) plus when on campus at the Catholic university where I’m currently studying for a B.Theol..
I also wear the ‘Catherine’ style wide headband coverings that are elasticized in the rear and don’t come off; these are also either in lace, or cotton knit in a variety of colours; bought from a ‘hippy stall’ that used to visit another campus I formerly studied at). The lady who shared the quote ‘its a tool, not a rule’ has hit the nail on the head. I am the only one in my church to do this (I’m Anglican) and do pray that others might also get the ‘nudge’, but wonder, if they did, whether I’d be charged with mutany!!!:-)
More seriously, though, my Anglican congregation has been most charitable with only one lady asking questions (all the most commonly raised) which i was happily able to answer. As for ‘holier than thou’ syndrome, I’ve perceived none of this here, and, for me, it pulls me up, reminding me that apart from Christ, we’re all floundering, covered and uncovered alike.
For me, there is something that inately draws me to the practice; I came to it long before having internet access or resources dealing with this question and finally let go of the cliff-face after some years of too’ing and fro’ing’.
Sarah,
Sydney,
Australia.