A moving video for anyone who has ever had a good father.
Perhaps an even more moving video for those whose fathers were broken, or deeply flawed, or not there at all.
In a former parish, there was a sister-liturgist who–eager to promote “sensitivity”–decided that the Gloria should be sung with the refrain “Glory to God in the Highest, and peace to God’s people on earth;” she was content to brutalize the ear, change a liturgical prayer that is not supposed to be changed, and disorient the people just a tad, in order that no one should be subjected to that troubling male pronoun, “His.”
I always thought it was a nonsensical point; why go to the trouble of training the people to avoid the “His” in that sung prayer, when it proceed to refer to God as “Heavenly King, Almighty God and Father,” and to Jesus as “only Son of the Father.” And of course, I got into a civil debate with her about it.
“You don’t understand,” she said kindly (because she was a very kind sister) “it’s important that we begin to think of God as having no gender at all, containing aspects of both mother and father, but not limited to our understanding as “Father.”
“Yes, mysticism if fine; I’m a fan,” I said. “But the prayer–which is liturgical and not subject for editing by you or me–makes enough male references throughout that it seems incongruous and silly, to enforce this clumsy and cold “Glory to God and peace to God’s people,” phrasing. It’s ick to my ear. And it puts God at a distance; it’s not intimate.”
To sister’s credit she remained kind but she did buckle down and let me know she wasn’t budging. “There are a lot of people in the world who have had bad fathers, they have bad memories, a lot of people find referring to God as “Father” to be distancing and hurtful. They cannot relate.”
“Well, sister, I happen to be one of those people who had a bad father and carries bad memories, and I like referencing God as Father; I happen to find great comfort and solace in having a Heavenly Father who more than fills the void left by my earthly one.”
She looked stunned. “You are the first person who has ever said that to me; that is not the usual perspective.”
“But don’t you think that’s a perspective worth promoting? Isn’t it a much better thing to tell people whose fathers have failed that they may be consoled by a Father who will never fail? Wouldn’t that be more positive, and ultimately more healing, than wrecking the liturgy to pander to neurotic sadness?”
We live in an era where all Motherhood is celebrated as a “choice,”, but choices are by their nature invitations to be inconsistent. When a mother may “selectively reduce” her twins or triplets down to the one “chosen” child, or carry a baby unto viability, then deliver just enough child from the birth canal in order to slaughter it, the celebrated post-modern notions of motherhood do not speak much to transcendent constancy or unfailing love, and yet it is Fatherhood that has taken a beating in the culture. It is Fatherhood that is considered dispensable, on earth and–apparently–in heaven.
Good mothers are amply applauded in society, as they should be. Perhaps if we can funnel some of the whirlwinds of the age back into valuing fatherhood, and celebrating the powerful effect of a good father on his children’s lives, people will be encouraged–or allowed–to find the Fatherhood of God and embrace it for themselves, be consoled and taught by a Person whose earthly counterpart they may have missed in their lives. Perhaps fathers will themselves discover in that reflection, the inspiration and instruction they need to love with wisdom and space.
When a child steps out and tries something risky, and then falls, the mother is quick to run to him, console him and hug him close; she frets for him. The father is the one who says, “I’m here if you fall, only do not be afraid.”
The child needs both.
We are formed in God’s image; we are meant to reflect God to each other, in all of our relationships. If fathers are invisible on earth, we lose site of God in Heaven; losing sight of Him, we lose site of the Son and Holy Ghost as well, and tumble-spin into a cold and distant world of incompleteness, which is incompatible with the Restoration we await.
Related: Tips for Catholic Men
I agree with you. And at least sister kept the Gloria. I had a priest decide we were going to sing “Angels We Have Heard on High” instead of the Gloria because he liked it better.
Having just buried a friend who took his own life because he could not face his own brokenness, I wept at this graphic depiction of how our heavenly Father is totally willing to carry us–if we let Him–when we are so broken we can’t do the very thing we know we must do. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Here’s where I never really got into the spirit of Catholicism. My relationship with both parents was complicated, to say the least, so thinking of God as a father is as sure to turn me off as thinking of Mary as Mother of the Church.
But then, none of the other metaphors really work for me, either. Being free, white and twenty-one, I grind teeth at the titles “King” and “Lord.” Since I have two legs and no special appeal to Welshmen, I don’t like thinking of Jesus — much less my pastor or my bishop — as a shepherd.
Calling God “the Man upstairs” used to strike me as outrageously hokey. Now I get it.
Thank you. How beautifully moving and what a profound insight you offer for those with difficult parental relationships. God bless you!
Like you, Anchoress, I had a difficult father, one I loved and who loved me, but because of many “issues,” my parents’ marriage broke up when I was six and my dad was never easy to be with.
Far from wanting to distance myself from God as my Heavenly Father, I felt so blessed at the age of 28 to have found a Father who would never let me down, who would always be there for me, at just the saying of His name.
The “feminist” view, that Christians need to rid ourselves of fatherhood imagery, is retrograde and myopic, IMO. If Jesus refers to God as Father, who am I to object? It seems to me that it is up to us to stretch to understand who God is rather than expect Him to stand down from who He is because I’m having problems with my earthly father.
I LOVE this video! I wept from the very beginning, but especially when Derek Redmond’s dad ran down to help his wounded son. THIS is a picture of what our Heavenly Father does whenever we’re in pain and agony. He moves in immediately to assist us.
Why would Christian women want to neuter — or worse, feminize — our Father, who is perfect in compassion, love, and mercy?
I just don’t get it.
@Mooga, I love the formulation, “no special appeal to Welshmen.
I wonder, what word or phrase can pass the standard, “there are lots of people in the world who have had bad so we won’t be saying it?”
Jesus called God “Father.” That, to me, is the final word on the matter. We have it, first-hand, from the only person in the history of Earth who would know for sure. If that isn’t good enough for some people…well, what can you do.
As for people who had bad relations with their eartlhy fathers, I sympathize. I ask them to consider this: Americans did not have a great relationship with our last earthly king, but that does not reduce God’s kingship in the slightest. In fact, I am only too happy to bow the knee to that particular King. Who is also my Father.
My family had the honor and privilege of accompanying my FIL to visit a Special Operations Forces group as part of his Airborne Ranger Reunion this past Monday. It was deeply moving to meet these men. Sometimes I think the Army is better at shaping men according to the Christian ideal than the Church itself. These guys were between the ages of 20 and 45, all wearing wedding bands, all well-mannered, all expressing gratitude to the Rangers and every one I spoke with had at least a couple kids. They had all also been deployed to combat at least 3 times. They put it all on the line.
I’m trying to avoid sentimentalism, but I also believe it is crucial to our culture to recover our admiration for men. Especially the decent, hard-working, risk-taking kind who keep advancing civilization despite the ingratitude they’ve been shown. It isn’t just for the sake of their individual dignity. We need to do this for the sake of our daughters and our society.
“it’s important that we begin to think of God as having no gender at all, containing aspects of both mother and father”
Well of course God is neither male nor female, He simply IS. Even an ultra-harsh misogynist like Joseph Ratzinger has said so many times in his writings. But Jesus did invite us to call God in heaven “Father,” did He not?
Was Jesus wrong? Or just being insensitive or ignorant? Did He not know that a lot of people find referring to God as “Father” to be distancing and hurtful?
Besides, there is also the whole relationship between God and Israel being described in spousal terms in the Bible, with Israel being the Bride. And that same spousal relationship has described Christ and the Church since the beginning. I suppose in this day and age of same-sex “marriage,” it would no longer be absurd to stop referring to God as a “He,” but then we have that pesky problem of the Word of God using “He” to refer to “Him.”
The fact is not only do a lot of people today have biological fathers who are bad and abusive, but they also have biological mothers who are mean or distant or abusive. (I won’t say that my own mother is bad, but we do not have the greatest and most perfect of relationships. Jesus also said that we could call His own mother our “mother,” which does not cause me to think less of Mary, but thankful that I could look to her for maternal love.) And there are plenty of brothers and sisters and neighbors and strangers and even enemies who we have bad memories of. Indeed, the world is full of jerks.
So transferring references about God to something other than “Father” or “He” really doesn’t solve the problem. And transferring references to some out-of-this-world concept that is totally foreign to our common understanding only ends up creating a distant and unrelatable God. That is even worse!
The spousal meaning of the body of man, male and female, being made in the likeness and image of God, reveals how we are social creatures who are made for relationship, not only any relationship, but that very special and intimate relationship which, through love, is capable of communion, a relationship with is not only unitive, but fruitful. And we are made for such relationships, not only amongst ourselves, but between mankind and God.
In that relationship with God, mankind is the “female.” We are the bride, the mother. This is again revealed in the human body, which is fruitful, that it, it produces children. But we do not produce children by our own self-made fertility, we make them with the Creator of all things. We do not make ourselves, God made us. If mankind is the female, then God necessarily must accomplish the role of the “male,” the bridegroom, the father. (We see this quite plainly when the Virgin Mary conceives by the power of the Holy Spirit, who thus is not some to be thought of as some neutral or androgynous being, an “It”, but as a “He.”)
God is not really exclusively “male” or “female,” of course, He is neither, and He is both. As the “I Am,” He is not limited or incomplete in this way, as are humans made to be. But it is crucial that we think of Him in understandable terms of relationship — the relationship that He Himself has chosen as the model throughout all of Salvation History — if we are to ever come close to knowing Him and being able, then, to love Him and allow Him to love us.
In PBXVI’s book “Jesus of Nazareth” he provides the best explanation of God’s non-gender in his exposition of the “Our FATHER”.
He goes on to point out that there are plenty of “maternal” qualities associated with God, and he goes to great lengths to show them whether from the Psalms or elsewhere within the Old Testament. He points out, however, that God chooses to relate to His people through the paternal nature of caring.
Great book on every level… I highly recommend it.
Thank you, thank you Elizabeth for discussing an issue that has long bothered me! Our choir weakens the powerful words of my favorite hymn to “Jesu, Joy of OUR Desiring” and the sisters in my parish loudly alter the words to many prayers to be gender inclusive…
yet we all pray together “with confidence the words our Saviour gave us”.
I am sure that they mean well, but they are so misguided. Most of the woman I know actually find these alterations to be condescending.
Particularly at this point in history an exalted view of Fatherhood is necessary for a wounded world.
Lizzy – thanks for the beautiful video and the flood of tears currently coming from my eyes! I need to hop out to our reception desk. Our receptionist is in dire need of hot sauce for her “wings”! I keep a supply in my desk.
I also had difficult relationships over time with both parents. My father was an alcoholic and I was always the target of his ire. I finally realized that he heaped his abuse on the one person that he knew for sure would always forgive him – me! And I always did. Because through all the garbage, I saw the good man inside. He stopped drinking when I was 32 years old and for the next 10 years until his death we had a great relationship – loving, supportive and filled with love and humor. I regret no part of my relationship with either of my parents because they formed me as I am today.
We had a choir who wouldn’t sing father, or his or he or any masculine pronouns. That’s why I go to a difference parish.
“Great book on every level… I highly recommend it.”
I enthusiastically second that recommendation.
[I third it -admin]
This “kindly” nun and so many others like her are in large part responsible for the current decrepit state of our beloved Church.
She is dangerous – and as you pointed out has ZERO right to change the wording.
Can’t help but lament how many young minds she has had access to. Sigh.
When Jesus called God “Abba,” wasn’t Him addressing Him with an unheard-of degree of intimacy, even tenderness? Till then, Jews referred to God by terms that were deferrential to the point of abjection. Probably the grandest was (and is) “Ribbono shel-Olam,” or “Master of the Universe.” Not only does that lack warmth, it makes me think of those He-Man action figures that were popular back in the eighties. “Abba” must have sounded like an enormous improvement.
Nowadays, addressing your father as “Father” strongly suggests you and the old man either don’t know each other well, or feel the need to walk on eggshells. The title has an unmistakably Victorian ring. It calls to mind the sort of person who thinks he’s doing his son a favor by packing him off to public school to be flogged and pummelled on the rugby field. You don’t entreat such a person for anything; you keep your entreaties to yourself and play up, old man, until either gout or mutinous sepoys have their way with you.
You notice how all of these “progressive” changes in vocabulary invariably make our language uglier? Every time I see “he and/or she” I cringe. “Human person” is another one; a favorite among Catholics I might add. It is redundant nonsense; but what is more, it is ugly redundant nonsense.
Till then, Jews referred to God by terms that were deferrential . . .
They wanted to avoid blasphemy, taking His name in vain and disrespecting Him by bringing Him down to the human level. (If we think that a bit much, consider the indignity of things like “Buddy Jesus.”)
But the whole point and purpose of Jesus was Emmanuel, God with us. To think of God in profoundly intimate terms does not degrade Him, but raises us up out of the level of animals, to which we had descended by turning against Him.
“Human person” is another one; a favorite among Catholics I might add. It is redundant nonsense; but what is more, it is ugly redundant nonsense.
Recent history is replete with the concept of human nonpersons — blacks, the unborn, disabled people — which is even uglier.
Moreover, it is fundamental doctrine that there are nonhuman persons, that is, divine persons, which include the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
It is true that every human being is a person, but they are different, albeit related, concepts. There is a method to the madness of “human person.” It is not redundant.
They wanted to avoid blasphemy, taking His name in vain and disrespecting Him by bringing Him down to the human level. (If we think that a bit much, consider the indignity of things like “Buddy Jesus.”)
And then there’s the fact that calling God “YHVH” would have been blasphemous under any circumstances. Jews get around this by referring to Him as “Ha-Shem,” or “the Name,” which is almost cute in its obliqueness — kind of like calling God “You-Know-Who.”
So, yes: Jesus offered a title for God that was neither off-puttingly regal nor indirect. That’s fine by me. My only point is that “Father” doesn’t quite convey the intimacy Jesus intended.
“…and peace to God’s people on earth”–both a mother and a father can be bad, and in fact, some people go to church on any given day and are upset with God too, so perhaps the word God should be left out and the prayer should read “Glory in highest, but not higher than Mt. Everest, and peace to all on earth.”
The trouble is that when a single person starts tweaking prayers or even liturgical motions such as standing, sitting, and kneeling, they really end up weilding a despotic and unfair power over the whole congregation. I’ve known people who refuse to use the changed wording and boldy say the prayer as it was originally written.
Its really difficult to type with this much water in my eyes.
Every time I see “he and/or she” I cringe.
You have to admit that this is a valid point.
and peace to God’s people on earth
The first time I heard the Gloria sung like that was at my daughter’s Newman Center parish in Salt Lake City. I hoped I had heard wrong – but she said no, they always sing it like that. Worse, it was from my favorite Gloria from the Mass of Light. Ugh.
“So, yes: Jesus offered a title for God that was neither off-puttingly regal nor indirect. That’s fine by me. My only point is that “Father” doesn’t quite convey the intimacy Jesus intended.”
I have read that a more accurate translation would be “Daddy” or “Poppa.”
My parents were great…not perfect…human. They’re both dead now, and I miss them more as time passess, not less.
I don’t know why God chose to approach us as “Father”. One thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten a little bit older (and more mature?) is to question His decisions less and to live by them more. Consequently, I find myself happier in my faith and in my life than I’ve ever been.
Being a father myself, having had parents who gave me a wonderful childhood and understanding God as “Father”, I now find myself in excellent mystical company and knowing with full confidence that one day I’ll join that cloud of parental witnesses to help guide my son and daughters when they are parents, and all of us going back to the “Father” for all the grace we need. I believe that this continuum would be unavailable to me if I was caught up in the petty pride gender preferences.
The “Abba” reference is also addressed in the book. It does refer to “daddy”. It actually is a very stunning picture in the context of where it is used. In light of the message that one must become like a child to achieve the Kingdom…
at the point of His human death and at the height of His anguish he makes the call that would melt the heart of every father here, the SON, GOD’s SON, HIS BABY, HIS CHILD, HIM calling HIM in pain… He cries/sobs “DADDY” like a child.
Think about it.
God didn’t choose to approach us as “Father”. He has always been the Father, because He begets the Son. It isn’t a metaphor, it’s an analogy. And even odder still, it isn’t an analogy in the sense most of us think it. It isn’t “God is to creation, or to the Son, as a man is to his children”, but “A man is to his children (in some sense) as God is to creation, or to the Son”. That is why Jesus taught us there is only one Father, the One in Heaven. Men like DWiss and I are fathers by analogy to the One is truly a Father.
Fr. Larry Richards has a CD on the Passion and he does a very emotional “reenactment” of Christ’s suffering. It was the first time I heard the translation of Abba as “Daddy.” And Fr. Larry said it more like, “Dadddddyyyyy, please. Please Daddyyyy!” It breaks my heart just thinking about it.
As to the video, I believe VISA used this footage in an Olympic commercial with voice over by Morgan Freeman (talk about an evocative voice!). That made me cry just like this longer video did.
Anchoress, I agree with all your points.
I remember this! I cried then…and now again. What a dad and what an image for us all. Wow. Well said, Anchoress, and what a video….
Just in case you forgot today, you truly are special and a true blessing Elizabeth. Thanks so much for grounding me every day on your site. That video is how I imagine God our Father to be, exactly that. I like to think of him as my REAL Father.
And how did that dad know when he dressed that morning….his shirt reads “Have you hugged your…” can’t read the rest, I’ll assume it’s ..”kid today?” And the hat, though advertising, says Just Do It.
Kudos to the son who wanted to brush off the embrace his father yet obeyed through the pain. Kudos to the dad who went to bat against the man/paramedic/trainer who wanted to ‘help’–how many people do we have like that in our lives—they just want to relieve us of our pain and ignore what we are really supposed to do–finish the job we started and are capable of no matter how much it hurts.
Archangel and Brian English: How about “O, Mein Papa”? You can’t get more tender than that, or for that matter, more Jewish.
Anchoress,
I agree with you when you say from the heart that we must still love that old nun.
I must also say that you guys at First Things seem to be out doing yourselves again with all this good stuff!
I hear ya!
We’ve always been the same children of God sinner vic but you just don’t know “IT” and just like we also don’t know all of your quirks yet but we’re trying. Just keep praying to our Heavenly Father to take care of your past and your future and all you’ll need do is keep good track of “The Present” that He and His Angels will send each day.
Is “IT” really that easy?
Go Figure!
Peace
God Bless
How timely, I just started a novena to St John Bosco with the intent to become a better father. Thanks for the inspiration.
When I was standing at the abyss of becoming a believer, my Catholic therapist mentioned that people with father issues often have a problem with God as well.
My father was a violent alcoholic. I never realized that he was standing in the way of Him. That comment helped melt my resistance.
my Catholic therapist mentioned that people with father issues often have a problem with God as well
Do not underestimate the power of the Evil One to whisper in people’s ears that God is just like that bad earthly father.
I once met a woman at a Catholic feminist conference who refused to use the word “hymn” because she thought it had some masculine connotation. I think that encounter occurred at some low point in the current feminist era. We may have moved on.
Someone–I wish I could remember who–once told me that, more often than not, our view of God is largely shaped by our view of our own father.
I didn’t really believe it until I got married, and realized that my wife and I were worshipping completely different versions of God. “My” God was the Old Testament judge–long on the justice, short on the intimacy. Firm, wise, but unyielding, just like my father.
My wife, who enjoyed a very warm, close relationship with her father, worshipped a God who loves and treasures her. Less of a judge and more of an advocate. Just like her father.
Seeing this difference helped me to address my own feelings about God and my earthly father. I suppose the reality of God may be somewhere between my Judge and my wife’s Advocate, somewhere between my Mighty Fortress and her Lover of My Soul.
More and more it becomes evident to me that God embedded fatherhood into the design of the cosmos so that we might more easily know Him. Sin, unfortunately, has corrupted many peoples’ experience of fatherhood, and so inhibits many peoples’ experience of the Father.
Hardly anyone has commented on the video. How incredibly moving. As a father-to-be in a few weeks, i certainly hope I can provide such fatherly support to my son.
As to this God the Father linguistic phrasing – what’s big deal? Get over feminists.
I realized that the guy who “lost” according to the world, seems to be the greatest “winner” here. The runners who won the race must have been totally overshadowed. I wonder how many in the crowd never noticed the wins but instead had their eyes riveted on that poor runner. In my mind, the crowd was like the Church Triumphant in Heaven cheering. Cheering for US when we make it.
Eight years ago this month, I lost my 12th grandchild. He was Baptized “Luke”.
On the day of his burial, the entire family was gathered arounf the gravesite, which really was just a very small excavation, and as the Funeral Director arrived in his white limousine,(the casket was really too small for a hearse), I asked my son (Luke’s Father) if he would like me to carry the casket from the roadway to the gravesite which was about 150 yards.
My son, said no, he wanted to do it himself.
I can’t describe the gutwrenching pain and tears and yet great pride I felt as I watched my son, do his fatherly duty and carry his son (my grandchild) to his final resting place.
Being a Father is Blessedly complicated and I thank God that I have been and still am one.
Bender,
I stand corrected. Though, in one sense it is redundant, when applied to the unborn because they are in truth persons, despite what others claim. This redundancy, however, serves to correct an error. But in another sense, you are right, angels, and even the persons of the trinity, are non-human persons.
Is there a way we can buy copies of this short clip? This would make a wonderful gift for Father’s Day. It is so inspiring! Thanks so much.
D.B.
The polite Sister appears to be focused on her image of God through the filter of political correctness. We are told in #65 of the Catechism, “God has said everything in his Word
“In many and various ways God spoke of old to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by a Son.”Christ, the Son of God made man, is the Father’s one, perfect, and unsurpassable Word. In him he has said everything; there will be no other word than this one. St. John of the Cross, among others, commented strikingly on Hebrews 1:1-2:
In giving us his Son, his only Word (for he possesses no other), he spoke everything to us at once in this sole Word – and he has no more to say … because what he spoke before to the prophets in parts, he has now spoken all at once by giving us the All Who is His Son. Any person questioning God or desiring some vision or revelation would be guilty not only of foolish behavior but also of offending him, by not fixing his eyes entirely upon Christ and by living with the desire for some other novelty.
There will be no further Revelation”
The Sister is well intentioned, but we must be careful about attempting to create God in our image as opposed to how He has already communicated with us.
The Sister aside, thank you for sharing the video.
The commandment to love one another gives us many stories of inspiration. We may see inspiration in success, but we see in this example, it was not the one who won the race, but the one who demonstrated the most courage in the race that captured the most attention of the crowd. We may see inspiration in success, but we may see the strongest inspiration in overcoming adversity. We may see inspiration in the one who ran the fastest, but in this case, we see inspiration in the love of one who is there for one in need.
I have a couple of posts, similar in thought, you may wish to see.
Our Afflictions
link
Our Purpose and the Works of God
link
Many blessings,
Prayer Soldier
I almost asked the man behind me at Mass this morning if he’d been reading this thread. Every time others were saying “God” he said “His.”
I joined him!
I’m looking forward to the new wording, coming in the Fall, I think. I hope the constant repetition of “God,” where the wording should be “His” is done away with.
I have given up hope for fatherhood. It is a past concept that will NEVER return as many of us remember it.
I struggle, as a former Catholic, to let our children, who all live far away from me, know that I love them, pray for them, go to Mass for them and will do what I can for them.
The vast majority of Catholics, including those whom I would consider “good ones” do not understand what it is like to have fought to defend your marriage against an American Tribunal System and Pastoral System that is designed to find nullity, rather than to objectively seek the truth with an eye towrds reconciliation of spouses, even if invalidity is established.
My wife and her long time lover are completely and openly integrated into the Catholic Church, which cares nothing, save for the Roman nullity decision in 2002, which upheld the validity of our marriage. As a result, I defected from the faith and can see no return, nor will I join one of the other adulterous gatherings that mistakenly call themselves Churches, including the Orthodox, who favor adultery in a “penitential” marriage.
Being abandoned by the Church, having your rights, even as a Catholic Father, yielded to another man, with no justification, by your wife together with the Catholic Church, which will not raise a single finger to promote or encourage spousal reconciliation, is too much to ask of any of us. Yet, some of us, try to go on, though mortally wounded in our spirit and sometimes in our bodies.
The Catholic Church is intentionally blind to our suffering, as is reflected by Catholic authors and media savvy Catholics, who do and say almost nothing, about this very prevalent problem that is decimating Catholic men, You doggedly defend a system that is designed, by the Catholic hierarchy, to find any way to declare nullity and to do nothing to encourage reconciliation.
I am sorry for both society and for the Catholic Church. They are asking for exactly what they are getting. And the prophets, otherwise known as abandoned spouses, who have tried, in vain, to get both to listen, are hoarse and tired from crying out for help.
This is a disgrace. There goes fatherhood…….
Fatherhood is done, for many reasons. I am sorry for that