female drivers …

… Today I hit and killed an innocent squirrel. He is now added to the growing list of animals I have slaughtered while operating a motor vehicle. It’s terrible. Why do little animals insist on throwing themselves under the wheels of my car?

I have a valid driver’s license. How is this possible? What I really should be issued is a taxidermy license.

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  • I have a problem with opossums. They will look you dead in the eye as they run toward your car to get squished by your wheels.

  • Actually it would be a taxidermy license if you immediately got out & stuffed the critter. You might qualify for a veterinary license if you were able to resuscitate the animal, but I think you would be better off with an exterminators license for eradicating the vermin.

  • My dad claims that animals throw themselves under vehicles when they are too sick/old to keep on living. He may just say that to make me feel better about my own growing list of kills. Hitting the animals is bad enough, but the sound – ugh! It's probably not good that my impulse is to close my eyes and plug my ears when an animal picks my car to end it all. Have a good rest of your day.

  • Ken: I always say girl plus car equals dead animal. (Freaks and Geeks)How wise he is! 😀

  • If it was a grey squirrel you should get an award!

  • Mark

    What you need is a hunting license – then use the pelt to make a nice fur hat or coat. It's God's way of saying "Put on a jacket!" =)

  • I have to be tranquilized and put to bed with a cold cloth on my forehead when that happens…

  • …except for pocket gophers.

  • Years ago I accidentally ran over a turtle that someone was trying to save from oblivious drivers like me. I think I was 18 when it happened and I still vividly remember the thunk followed by the horrified expression of the woman who was en route to moving the turtle to safer ground. Now things like birds and squirrels that decide to use my car as their exit strategy do not get any sympathy from me.

  • Could have been a skunk . . . .

  • I once hit an owl. I crested a hill and there it was in the middle of the road.I felt terrible.

  • I always told my kids when they were learning to drive never to slow down for squirrels. Squirrels are so darn indecisive that slowing down or stopping only seems to confuse them further. Best to maintain your speed and what happens, happens

  • I have noticed if I drive the speed limit I no longer run over squirrels or kids.

  • I've come to the conclusion that animals which bolt out or fly out in front of my oncoming vehicle are either suicidal or they're extreme-animal-sports enthusiasts which, if they survive, go back to their buddies and say, 'Did you see me do THAT???'

  • Suicide by Kat. If it makes you feel better, just remember that squirrels are just rats with good press.

  • Hey stop feeling bad,when i see a squirrel i move the car to make sure i get it. Im not allowed a gun and being a man i will hunt anyway i can. its in my genes we are hunter gatherers after all.You are greater than me you mowed a canada goose, good for you, one of those things dive bombed me, it take goose down to a whole new level i tell you. Im wating for a day a goose stands before my car.

  • Smiley,I live where the Canada geese live the year around, and I have yet to even get close to hunting one with my Saturn. Of course, in spring, with the little ones, I watch and avoid.I've also gotten too close to deer hunting with the car for my peace of mind.

  • I always figured animals running in front of cars were taking part in some sort of gang initiation. Same with stupid birds that swoop down and slam into my bumper.

  • There are no innocent squirrels…