female drivers …

… Today I hit and killed an innocent squirrel. He is now added to the growing list of animals I have slaughtered while operating a motor vehicle. It’s terrible. Why do little animals insist on throwing themselves under the wheels of my car?

I have a valid driver’s license. How is this possible? What I really should be issued is a taxidermy license.

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00518427385991447434 Dr. Eric

    I have a problem with opossums. They will look you dead in the eye as they run toward your car to get squished by your wheels.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00475482633072586712 ArchAngel’s Advocate

    Actually it would be a taxidermy license if you immediately got out & stuffed the critter. You might qualify for a veterinary license if you were able to resuscitate the animal, but I think you would be better off with an exterminators license for eradicating the vermin.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17786249200499351976 Blipfillypicklepoo

    My dad claims that animals throw themselves under vehicles when they are too sick/old to keep on living. He may just say that to make me feel better about my own growing list of kills. Hitting the animals is bad enough, but the sound – ugh! It's probably not good that my impulse is to close my eyes and plug my ears when an animal picks my car to end it all. Have a good rest of your day.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08384291674560438678 Julie D.

    Ken: I always say girl plus car equals dead animal. (Freaks and Geeks)How wise he is! 😀

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10826907710570316952 Richard Collins

    If it was a grey squirrel you should get an award!

  • Mark

    What you need is a hunting license – then use the pelt to make a nice fur hat or coat. It's God's way of saying "Put on a jacket!" =)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01562944653624224107 Adrienne

    I have to be tranquilized and put to bed with a cold cloth on my forehead when that happens…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01562944653624224107 Adrienne

    …except for pocket gophers.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08353696433987975754 Karen

    Years ago I accidentally ran over a turtle that someone was trying to save from oblivious drivers like me. I think I was 18 when it happened and I still vividly remember the thunk followed by the horrified expression of the woman who was en route to moving the turtle to safer ground. Now things like birds and squirrels that decide to use my car as their exit strategy do not get any sympathy from me.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01678341854029479678 Old Bob

    Could have been a skunk . . . .

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02645484704486562810 Mimi

    I once hit an owl. I crested a hill and there it was in the middle of the road.I felt terrible.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15600512093922807813 Julie

    I always told my kids when they were learning to drive never to slow down for squirrels. Squirrels are so darn indecisive that slowing down or stopping only seems to confuse them further. Best to maintain your speed and what happens, happens

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09819523933502820341 Terry Nelson

    I have noticed if I drive the speed limit I no longer run over squirrels or kids.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02605402760873643451 The Watcher

    I've come to the conclusion that animals which bolt out or fly out in front of my oncoming vehicle are either suicidal or they're extreme-animal-sports enthusiasts which, if they survive, go back to their buddies and say, 'Did you see me do THAT???'

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16829008956478473428 John Seymour

    Suicide by Kat. If it makes you feel better, just remember that squirrels are just rats with good press.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04458504641419416339 Smiley

    Hey stop feeling bad,when i see a squirrel i move the car to make sure i get it. Im not allowed a gun and being a man i will hunt anyway i can. its in my genes we are hunter gatherers after all.You are greater than me you mowed a canada goose, good for you, one of those things dive bombed me, it take goose down to a whole new level i tell you. Im wating for a day a goose stands before my car.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14349723755730969082 Anna A

    Smiley,I live where the Canada geese live the year around, and I have yet to even get close to hunting one with my Saturn. Of course, in spring, with the little ones, I watch and avoid.I've also gotten too close to deer hunting with the car for my peace of mind.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06450199931982447269 Matthew A. Siekierski

    I always figured animals running in front of cars were taking part in some sort of gang initiation. Same with stupid birds that swoop down and slam into my bumper.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10001938569662703947 Nina

    There are no innocent squirrels…