birth of a neurosis…

… Other girls played with Barbies. I was a geek and huge Star Trek fan. When I was seven my mom took me to see Wrath of Khan. I left the theater that evening with a newly developed neurosis, the irrational fear that bugs were going to fly into my ears and eat my brains.

Then two months later, while playing outside, a bee flew into my ear. I ran around shrieking and smacking myself in the head. The bug flew out but I made my mom take me to the doctor anyway. I wanted to be damn sure that nasty bastard was gone and hadn’t laid any bee eggs in my ear canal that would later hatch inside my brain.

To this day whenever I see a flying bug, instinctively, I run away with my hands over my ears crying like a little girl. I won’t sleep in a room with a bug flying about either because I know that evil bastard is waiting for me to fall asleep so it can fly into my ear and dig it’s way inside my head.

Oh you scoff and call me paranoid. But bugs are smarter than we give them credit for. They are sinister and evil and enemies of our country. It appears now I will have to enjoy America’s pastimes while wearing ear plugs.

Is nothing sacred any more?! Is there nowhere I am safe?!

Zombies aren’t the only things that hunger for your brains. And bugs are real. Who’s crazy now.

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • Rich

    Let me guess. the photo you posted is outside a new Catholic cathedral. Wouldn't be surprised if it was.Your story cracks me up. You know, it can take up to 30 years for bee eggs to hatch. So, there's still a chance……………….

  • Jane

    I have a paranoia about bugs in ears as well, because of a horror story some well-meaning adult read to me when I was seven or eight. My specific fear is about the bugs entering my ears while I'm asleep. For some reason, having my hair pulled over my ears when I go to sleep at night makes me think the bugs will be deterred. I will probably never be able to cut my hair really short because of this.It's good to know I'm not alone in my paranoia!

  • The Crescat

    Damn you, Rich!

  • Old Bob

    I have much the same fear, and partly because of it, find it hard to sleep without my head covered.

  • Nathan

    Earwigs. It was earwigs for me. When I was little, I was told (by my brothers, I'm sure) that earwigs would crawl into your ears while you were asleep and lay eggs in them. When we used to go camping in our yard, I was always very wary of the many, many earwigs that would habitually wander into and around our tent, and I had lots of unpleasant thoughts and dreams about those nasty, pinchered creatures poking their away around inside me.Funnily enough, I never did like camping.Other than that, though, bugs don't really bother me. When we were younger, my brothers and I used to go around the backyard with flyswatters hunting yellowjackets. It was really quite fun. Maybe a fun activity for you and The Boy to try?

  • Thom, SFO

    You know this statue is 5 minutes from my house, right?

  • Hilary Jane Margaret White

    A moth flew up my nose once. I wrote about it on Facebook, but no one was sympathetic. Damn thing just flew right up there while I was sitting in the living room innocently watching TV. Nature. It's annoying. (btw: remember our friend Athanasius? He totally freaks out around moths and butterflies. Hates em. So, you know…)

  • Lina

    Nathan: when I was a kid, someone told me that earwigs would crawl into your ears and eat your brain. It terrified me, until I got a bit older and decided that that was an old wives' tale and I should really not give credence to such things. Fast forward to one night in junior year at college, I'm woken up at 3AM by the feeling of something rattling around inside my ear. In my half-awake state, I stuck a finger in there, thinking maybe it's some of my hair, or maybe earwax or something – but it MOVES. Immediate freakout ensues. I sit right up, flick on the lamp, hyperventilating yet not wanting to wake my roommate, smack the other side of my head to knock that thing out of my ear, and see an big fat EARWIG FROM HELL land on my pillowcase. In my panic, I smack it off the pillow to the other side of the room before thinking to kill it, and of course then I can't find it. Lay there flipping out and shaking from the horror for the next few hours, wondering where it was now and worrying that it would come back to get me…So yeah. Earwigs DO climb inside ears. (Shudder.)

  • Hilary Jane Margaret White

    …and just curious, which past times in particular are you enjoying? And can you give me a link to the company that sold you the time machine. Oh, sorry, maybe you meant "pastimes".

  • The Crescat

    I'm friends with H.G.

  • Lydia McGrew

    But…the bugs that Khan puts in their ears aren't flying bugs. They're crawling bugs (giant ones). So, Kat, I guess that means you should stop being afraid of flying bugs and instead develop a neurosis about crawling bugs. :-)(I'm glad I'm not the only person with neuroses. One of mine is poison ivy. It makes me very unfriendly-seeming with all my friends who live in the country. But that's only one. Another is all the types of bugs that are hard to get rid of that I've _heard_ about other people having trouble with in their houses, even though I've never had any trouble with them.)

  • Feng Li

    This will make no one feel any better, but I actually had a cockroach crawl into my left ear while I was sleeping a few weeks back. It took two ER doctors and nurses to remove it because it was lying flat against my eardrum and clinging on. The doctor said the hospital gets two or three cases every month.

  • Terry Nelson

    I was just checking to see if Fr. eric commented – I bet he won't be able to resist this.

  • The Crescat

    Feng Li… that is the most horrifying thing I have ever heard.

  • Denita

    My bughobia: BEDBUGS

  • Faith

    And I was told that earwigs never turn around. They only know to go forward.

  • romishgraffiti

    Have you seen the movie The Mist? If not, check it out. (Muahahaha)

  • scotju

    Where is that hideous statue located? I want to avoid it at all costs!

  • Smiley

    By posting this post you instigated the cockroach to land on your face. YOu have to keep the phobias queit or you are just tempting fate ya know