Things you learn from Southern Catholics…

… This past weekend I drove to Knoxville to visit, the always hifreakinlarious, Mrs. Digital Hairshirt. I learned much during my weekend stay. Her priest told me the only way to out run a bear is by running down hill, they are rump heavy. I’ve never had any problems trucking my Puerto Rican posterior down inclines so I had my doubts. I also had no plans in the near future to hike the NC mountains and test the theory.

Since the only life saving advice my priest gives me with any regularity is go to confession and quit your sinnin’, I decided to just do what everyone else does when they don’t know something. Google it.

Turns out, I was right. A bear will kill you and eat your face off no matter which way you run on a hill.

I also learned another Southern tradition, you must always cross yourself when you drive by a Cracker Barrel. For surely, Cracker Barrel is a gift form Our Lord. He created the Cracker Barrel and saw it was good.

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • Narda

    So I take it we don’t play dead like Bugs Bunny taught me either????

  • The Digital Hairshirt

    See, we could have died trekking up to that elk viewing station. SOB, I’m not going to tell him he’s wrong, I’m ging to let him find out the hard way . . .

  • Romulus

    Bears in TN and NC — in fact, everywhere east of the Mississippi — are much less dangerous than western grizzlies and other brown bears. If you’re lucky enough to see one, it’ll probably be running from you.

    • JaneC

      They are less dangerous, but still dangerous. According to the list of fatal bear attacks in North America on Wikipedia, there were hardly any black bear attacks in the Eastern U.S. between 1960-1999. But since 2000, there have been four fatal attacks in the Eastern U.S., two of them in TN. (I’m not counting the one in PA, because that bear was kept as a pet.)

  • Joseph K.

    The best ways to stop a bear:
    .44 Mag
    .300 Win-Mag
    12g w/Slug
    .338 Rem

    There are others, but these are mine. Granted, in AK we face more than our fair share.

    Also, when walking down a trail the best way to tell black bear scat from Brown (aka Grizzly) bear scat is that Black bears have berries in theirs, and Brown Bears have Bear Bells in theirs…

  • justamouse

    the new banner is hysterical

  • Mimi

    I’d cross myself in thanks about sweet tea ;)

    • The Crescat

      Sweet tea… proof that God favors the South. Amen! +

  • Rob

    I read in a Glacier Park guide how to tell a grizzly from a black bear. “Climb a tree. If the bear climbs up after you, it’s a black bear. If it knocks the tree down, it’s a grizzly,”

    • The Crescat

      that’s some sound advice there, that is.