… This past weekend I drove to Knoxville to visit, the always hifreakinlarious, Mrs. Digital Hairshirt. I learned much during my weekend stay. Her priest told me the only way to out run a bear is by running down hill, they are rump heavy. I’ve never had any problems trucking my Puerto Rican posterior down inclines so I had my doubts. I also had no plans in the near future to hike the NC mountains and test the theory.
Since the only life saving advice my priest gives me with any regularity is go to confession and quit your sinnin’, I decided to just do what everyone else does when they don’t know something. Google it.
Turns out, I was right. A bear will kill you and eat your face off no matter which way you run on a hill.
I also learned another Southern tradition, you must always cross yourself when you drive by a Cracker Barrel. For surely, Cracker Barrel is a gift form Our Lord. He created the Cracker Barrel and saw it was good.