… I never thought a show like the Bachelor would be one to reaffirm the traditional family model, but there it is. Nancy French, a contributing blogger at What She Said, writes about one Bachelor’s encounter with his ‘girlfriend’s’ father. It went something like this;
Bachelor: If we get engaged I expect to live with your daughter in sin.
Father: That’s not how we do things around here, son.
Fast forward…. Dad scared Bachelor and Bachelor dumps girl. Score one for Dad and one bullet dodged for daughter.
Never mind how they dated all through the show and this little nugget of living together never came up once. It sort of reminds me of all the Pre-Cana war stories a friend likes to regale me with. He never ceases to be amazed that couples come to him already engaged for a year and have a date set – a mere month away – and have never once considered their decision to wed beyond how the other makes them feel. I am curious to ask him of those situations how many came from single parent households.
I know first hand that women can make some of the stupidest mistakes ever in the name of love. Intelligent women, women with Doctorates, who’ve joined the military and gone to war, self confident women… you name it. You would be very hard pressed to find one adult women who can admit to never having made a poor decision under the influence of pheromones and drunk on love.
This is why we need that rational third party to be our head, eyes, and ears when considering marriage. Men can promise us love and marriage and we get swept right along leaving behind common sense and ignore the warning alarms blaring in our face.
I said I would be curious to know how many of the Pre-Cana war stories were from single parent households for a reason. From my own personal experience, not having that second adult in the home leaves young ladies completely confused about love- real love, the sacrificial kind that one sees acted out everyday between a husband and a wife as witnessed by their children.
In a household with no father a young girl develops no frame of reference for how an adult male loves and treats a woman. This girl doesn’t grow to know the love a man in a healthy context. Her first experience with the opposite sex is usually the lustful interest of a hormonal teenage boy. It’s no wonder so many young girls think sex=love. A girl starved for male attention is more likely to begin sexual activity much sooner than she’s ready. She can also be talked into sex easier.
I know being a single parent is not an easy job. I am a single parent myself. This post isn’t to come down on single moms and guilt fathers who are not involved in their children’s lives. I am writing to advocate the traditional model of family and to show why it works and that for our kids to have healthy relationships both parents should be there. I would also think that children raised by same sex partners might suffer from a stunted sexual development as well. Children need to see how a man and woman interact and express love if they are too grow up and have healthy relationships with members of the opposite sex.
When young girls have a father’s love they are more likely to propel through puberty and navigate dating with greater confidence. This confidence can help them make better decisions and if they happen to fall googly eyed in love there will be a Dad there to help her see what her heart has blinded her to.
Related links: Father absence and its effects on daughters