Brace yourself, I am going to cook this Thanksgiving…

… Get poison control on speed dial and hide yo’ butter cause I’m making three, yes three, Paula Deen recipes.

Every year it’s an on going controversy in my family… if you make stuffing why do you need mashed potatoes? It’s too much starch. Funny, how I’m worrying about too many carbs but am on board with stopping the flow of blood to my heart by consuming unholy amounts of butter. What’s on the menu, you ask.

Turkey, of course. Deviled eggs, biscuits, stuffing, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, corn casserole, cranberry sauce in the shape of a can, and banana pudding and a box-o-wine for dessert.

All of this will be created by me from scratch. The end really is nigh.

Well, the wine’s not from scratch. I don’t own a vineyard, so yeah. And the cranberry sauce is canned, but that’s a tradition. The only reason I buy the gelatinous slop is because I like the way it retains the shape of the can. Now that I think about it the biscuits are from a can too, the Pilsbury kind.

At least the Paula Deen casserole recipes are home-made. I think. Is it still considered “home-made” if I use canned corn though? And Kraft pre-shredded cheese? And a box of Jiffy corn meal? Can I say I made dinner from scratch if all I’m doing is combining a bunch of boxed, processed ingredients into a bowl?

Whatever it is, it’s still a monumental leap from cereal for dinner.

Here’s a funny anecdote – while I was at the store over the weekend buying the ingredients for the big dinner a lady noticed me putting 5 packs of butter in my grocery cart. She gave me a knowing nod and said “Paula Deen”. Is it weird I wanted to high five her?

Related Link: The best ever Thanksgiving post I’ve written and will likely never top.

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • Joshua Korf

    So if I see a flash to the east, duck and cover…

  • Lydia McGrew

    Ooooh, thanks, Crescat! I thought I was done with my Thanksgiving shopping, and your post reminded me I forgot the can-shaped cranberry sauce! Seriously: Several members of the fam. would have been very disappointed, including me. Who cares if it’s a can? It tastes good with turkey! Gotta go write that on the shopping list!

  • Calah

    I buy 4 packages of butter every week. And we use them all. And I never use Paula Deen’s recipes, but I’m going to have to start taking notes from her wardrobe. I think you should have high-fived her.

  • Beth F.

    You aren’t doing Paula Deen’s Turdunken (sp??)

    If you do well with Paula’s recipes, try Alton Brown’s Thanksgiving ideas next year.

  • Kathryn Luckenbill Schneider

    Awesome! Butter makes everything better – just don’t tell my mother-in-law how much of it I use! And you know butter freezes. I buy the limit every time it’s on super sale (sometimes I even sneak back a second day in the week for more) and stick it in the freezer for later.

    • ArchaicSteam

      Everyone in my family says they’re on a diet every year at the holidays and yet they love the food at my house… which is made with real butter, lots of it.

  • Patricia Schofield
  • Maurisa

    Hysterical! Happy Thanksgiving!

  • Christopher Lake

    I really, really miss the deep South sometimes. Home cookin’!

  • FuquaySteve

    it’s easier than toaster waffles, he says confidently.

  • Christine Hebert

    Butter is a natural fat and is better for you than margarines which are artificial hydrogenated yuckiness!

  • Jean Pergande

    I say that if you are at home it is considered “home cooking” whether it comes in a package or a can. God bless you all.

  • tj.nelson

    You are gonna cook? Quick! Someone call child protection services.
    Happy Thanksgiving.

  • Lydia McGrew

    Your readers want an update.How Did It Go?