So You Want To Date a Liberal…

… My dating pool is drying up and as a happy result my faith, morals, and unwillingness to compromise saves me a lot of time and trouble. Three years ago I was advocating Catholics dating non-Catholics [see #5], as long as they were practicing Christians. Then one day I realized I desired heaven more than a spouse and took it all back. Now I am about to make that list of desirables even shorter by excluding liberals.

After the devastating re-election of Obama, Catholic Match posed the question of whether politically divided couples could happily coexist. This politically and morally conservative woman cannot and will not coexist, especially since the core issues of the liberal Democratic party are in direct opposition of the Catholic Church; issues like abortion and same sex marriage.

“These questions are more than just issues for political figures to banter about in a public forum. They are deeply complex moral, ethical and social dilemmas that each of us must come to terms with and align ourselves with Catholic teaching. If your significant other is unable to do the same, a tense election season is only a minor issue in light of a future together that may be emotionally draining and spiritually dangerous.”


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It’s more than a political divide. It’s become a moral divide as well. The democratic party, once the people’s party, has become the party of Big Government where Big Government replaces God and political policies replace moral law. To be a liberal, Democrat Catholic is an oxymoron. You can be one or the other, never both. That’s why I think politically coexisting is impossible; especially if take your faith with any shred of seriousness. To coexist means that someone is compromising in an area where compromise should never have to be made; in matters of faith.

Related Links: What Catholic Vote?

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • Heather P

    Kat, the Dems denied God three times at their convention. There is NO turning back from that.

    • Tom

      You might want to tell St. Peter that.

      • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.worn.73 Barbara Worn

        Nice comeback!

      • Linda

        I’m sure he already knows.

      • http://snickersnackbaby.blogspot.com/ David Ferguson

        Love to see the tears of repentance that Peter showed.

    • kenneth

      The Democratic party, neither collectively nor individually, ranked as one of the Apostles. Moreover, those running for elected office in this country are not under any obligation to acknowledge God or any other deity. The Constitution specifically outlaws making that a condition of employment.

    • http://snickersnackbaby.blogspot.com/ David Ferguson

      My dad voted for Obama in 2008. The display at the 2012 Dem convention where they had to lie through their teeth to affirm what they absolutely did not want to affirm convnced him that the Dems were up to no good. He said, “reminded me of the crowd crying for Barrabas.”

      Reminded me of this: Psalm 81:15 “those who hate the Lord would pretend obedience to Him. And their time of punishment would be forever.”

  • MikeinCT

    Slightly off-topic, but my wife and I have decided even to ask babysitters if they are pro-choice. After all, if they don’t value the life of our babies in the womb, why should we trust them with our babies out of the womb?

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      Excellent point, Mike.

    • L.

      Interesting. I’m from Connecticut (Wethersfield), and that’s where I used to babysit many decades ago. If any prospective employer had asked me that question, I would have said, “Proudly pro-choice!” and walked home. It’s a great idea, to make sure that issues that matter passionately to individuals are respected — on both sides.
      (And by the way, my conservative, pro-life dad and to my liberal — yet also pro-life — mom split their votes on Romney/Obama. They’ve been happily joined in holy Catholic matrimony for nearly half a century.)

  • Jeanne Chabot

    I concur absolutely. I am living proof that if you are a conservative Catholic, living with a liberal will only bring grief. I am on totally opposite sides of EVERY DAMN THING that is controversial – abortion, euthanasia, gay marriage, religious freedom… and the more left-wing government and the media gets, the more left-wing my husband gets. When you can’t discuss either religion or politics or anything related to morality or values with or in front of your spouse, there isn’t a lot left to talk about that doesn’t concern the weather. It’s a very lonely life. Don’t go there.

    • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.worn.73 Barbara Worn

      Jeanne-I feel your pain. I decided to convert to Catholicism about 8 years ago and my husband agreed. We really never talked about religion prior to marriage. After we joined the church, my husband started to back off his committment, saying he’d never believe in some parts of Catholicism but he was still a Catholic. Things went slowly downhill and now he won’t even attend mass and calls me a “holy-roller”.
      We live seperately now but are still married. He lives next door and the tension is literally making me ill. We should have never gotten married in the first place. I wish I had stayed single-my life would be so much happier and peaceful now.
      If you don’t have the same values, marriage will never work long term.

  • Ignorant Redneck

    I’d date and marry you, except I’m not interested in dating or marrying anyone but the one I’m interested in, you wouldn’t like me and I’m pretty rude and thoughtless….BUT-you’re right on the money with this post.

  • ArchaicSteam

    After the election, I removed a bunch of online friends from places like Facebook over the great political divide.

    So if I’m willing to lose friends over that, than I’m definitely not dating or marrying someone of that persuasion.

  • TheodoreSeeber

    I converted my wife, and due to my failure as a husband she still voted for Obama.

    We’ve been having some pretty intense arguments about how I’m not “listening to women” lately…..and yet she claims she’s pro-life and still wants another child.

    I don’t think she understands how incredibly hard that is for me.

  • W. Randolph Steele

    IF you were devastated by the results of the election, that implies that you thought that Romney would be elected and IF that is the case that tells me that you weren’t paying attention, certainly the last week.Or you live in a bubble. Nate Silver’s final prediction over at 538 on election morning had the President a 90-10 favorite for reelection and ABC and Pew Research’s final polls porjected a 3% win for the President. There were plenty of indicators, all you had to do was look. Since I do politics for a living on the local and state level, I get a lot of my information from a wide variety of sources. IF you want pretty objective information, try Stuart Rothenberg and Charlie Cook at National Journal(a pretty objective publication). Also Howard Fineman and Bill Schneider, as well.
    I will also tell you that I knew at 8:15 p.m. on election night that the President was going to be reelected because I had a source who had talked to his headquarters in Chicago, 1o minutes before we talked. He told me that the networks would be calling it for the President around 11 p.m. and they did-at 11:12.
    Read the internal polling data and it will explain what’s going on the country. You may not like it, but it’s the way it is. And no, I don’t expect it to change you opinions about anything, only that it’ll make you less surprised when they happen. About you can do is keep calm and carry on.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      One can expect an outcome and still be devastated by it.

    • TheodoreSeeber

      Didn’t matter who won- I was going to be devastated by the much-anticipated fact that 99% of my fellow Americans voted for either formal cooperation in grave intrinsic evil or material cooperation in lesser intrinsic evil.

      If Romney had won, I’d still have exactly the same result- 99% of Americans voting for evil.

    • http://snickersnackbaby.blogspot.com/ David Ferguson

      Big deal, Mr. political insider. I am unconnected, yet I knew the terrifying fact that Obama would win at 8 pm EST when I saw that Florida was a 50/50 tie for Romney. In a sane world, it should not have been close. But we are not in a sane world, rather a fallen world. Get ready to see how far we will fall.

  • Theresa

    Really? Democrat Catholic = oxymoron? Have you read Public Catholic?

    I promise, I’m not trying to be rude. I think this is exactly the type of schismatic rhetoric we are seeing in our Church that tries to associate our political party affiliation with our “Catholic-ness.” If we move past something in the Gospels about beams and splinters in eyes, and start focusing on what it means to be charitable and virtuous, then maybe our Home will be more at peace. I am a Democrat, at least for the time being. I am pro-life. I believe in the sanctity of the Sacrament of Marriage between one man and one woman. But before all of these things, I am a Catholic. Since we have NO political party that embraces the full truth, there is no right answer. And if we’re gonna start saying that what we aren’t talking about here is pro-life Democrats and that, for the purposes of this discussion, they don’t count, well then, my friend, I think you have something in common with the “regular” Democrats… pro-life Democrats don’t count. UGH!

    For the record, my husband and I do not have the same political affiliation, although we tend to vote similarly. Within marriage, I think it’s ok to have different labels/political ideas, but you do have to make sure that you are on similar ground morally. I just think that political labels and moral beliefs are not necessarily synonymous.

    • TheodoreSeeber

      I doubt strongly that Rebecca voted for Obama.

      • Theresa

        And you should know well that she highly values her right to a secret ballot. Not all Democrats vote party line, nor do all Republicans. My point wasn’t about what Rebecca does with her vote, but about this incessant name-calling coming from within our Church of those whose political label differs from others. This is what I want to see stop. I can respect a Catholic coming to the conclusion that the Republican party is the current best fit for how they believe they are called to exercise their faithful citizenship. What leaves me confused is why the same respect is not afforded to those Catholics who feel that the other party is a better (not perfect) fit for them. All I’m asking is that we quit pronouncing judgement on entire groups of people, within and without our Church, based on what party affiliation is listed on their voter registration card.

        • TheodoreSeeber

          I wish I could still respect that choice. I can’t, which is why I didn’t vote for either of the major party candidates.

          And why I’m not even really that comfortable with my final choice; after all, the Constitutional Party supports the Constitution, and the Constitution, in Article I Sections 8 and 10, the 10th Amendment, and the 17th Amendment, is what makes solidarity and subsidiarity illegal, replacing them with anonymous federalism.

          A vote for the lesser intrinsic evil- is still a vote for evil.

          • Theresa

            I see your logic. I think it works on a certain level, but after my prayer and discernment, that was not the conclusion I had. I don’t believe either major party has a monopoly on righteousness. But I concluded that, for me, I think our leaders should be elected by a true majority and not just by who got the biggest chunk of the pie. I think we can all agree there was no truly good choice. Sincerely, I vote the best I can and then, regardless of who wins, I work in the areas where I disagree most with the winner. Also, I think it will take work from within the major parties for us it bring about ends to all of the various evils within our country- just as it will take work within our Church to bring about peace. :)

        • Nan

          One party reduces women to their lady parts, encourages promiscuity by aspiring to provide taxpayer-funded birth control and abortions and funds organizations whose raison d’etre is to murder children in the womb, up to and including the moment they exit the birth canal. Being a member of that party is to support intrinsic evil, which separates one from God.

          • Theresa

            Thank you for examining my conscience? Last I checked, neither party opposes the use of birth control or abortions (let’s face it, the Republican party is very much divided on that issue!). And, silly me, I thought the evil was in using those products/services because of their ends and means, not simply about WHO pays for them. I completely agree that the DNC is wrong on that issue. But there are other issues that are important too. What about the intrinsic evil of murder in general? Which party is completely and avidly against murder in all forms (abortion, capital punishment and euthanasia); GOP, DNC, seriously, who? Ironically, you have no idea what I do in my spare time and prayers to work towards a pro-life cause. (By the way, I’m active in pro-life and social justice work and my husband and I are working to become NFP instuctors.) Sin, specifically those of the mortal variety, are what separates us from God. The Catholic Church holds not list of mortal sins. Instead, in Her wisdom, she provides criteria: a (1) grave issue committed with (2) full knowledge of the act and (3) of a person’s own free will. Since only God and I know my true level of knowledge of anything, only God and I know which of my sins are truly mortal and have separated me from Him and I don’t try to fool myself into thinking I can pull the wool over the Almighty’s eyes. In the mean time, I vote we avoid Pharisaical rhetoric.

            And feel free to pray for the conversion of my heathen soul- I’m sure I can always use the extra prayers. :)

        • Centavo-aqui

          I totally agree with Theresa’s comments. Also, what about social justice issues, such as immigration, healthcare for all, etc. Love thy neighbor, but only if we share the same beliefs, skin color, language, and social/economic status? Abortion is Not the only issue here…
          WWJD? Peace and blessings to all!

          • Theresa

            Exactly! We have to be a pro-life people! Womb to tomb and EVERYTHING in between.

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            Abortion may not be the only issue but it is the MOST IMPORTANT issue. Without respect for life there can be no “social justice”… everything starts with respecting life.

  • Diane

    I once knew a politically divided very odd couple. She was a liberal Republican and He was a conservative Democrat. So, while each, down deep, actually agreed with the other’s party they both went to the polls, voted for the person most opposed to their own beliefs – and cancelled each other’s vote.

  • Nancy

    I am an independent, because I can’t support a party that pro-life. The democratic party certainly isn’t pro-life, and the republicans (what with being pro-death penalty, being financially beholden to the NRA and allowing the ban on assault weapons to expire) isn’t completely pro-life either. I often end up voting republican because I am so opposed to abortion, but uniformly siding with conservatives isn’t an the easy answer it may seem either.

  • l’andru

    Funny how I almost wrote a dissenting comment about being a Democrat-leaning-but-critical Catholic and certainly left-leaning (whatever that means these days) but then realized it’s a waste of time. We will never agree in this life, but I hope a sinful fool like me will see you all in paradise some day. Thank God in true Christianity there is no such thing as hopelessness or “no turning back.” Be joyful in the Lord. May He give you His Peace.

  • Christopher Lake

    I used to be a far-leftist (a communist, actually, and I am serious about that). Going away to college radicalizes some people toward the left. College conservatized me.

    As I was exposed to the insane literary theories in modern academia, with my English professor expounding on the supposed latent homosexuality in certain plays by Shakespeare, and as we read Inuit Eskimo poetry (much of which I could have written in high school) and pretended that it is on a similar level of artistic achievement as Yeats, I started to connect the dots between the extreme artistic egalitarianism (read: silliness and foolishness) of my professors and their far-leftist thinking.

    Then, I was converted to Christ and, over time, my philosophical and political thinking was transformed at the root(s). In 1992, I was a happy ( and yet also deeply miserable in many ways– funny, that!) “pro-choice” liberal who voted for Clinton. By ’96, I voted for Dole. It felt strange to be voting for a Republican, when, as a punk-rock kid in the ’80s, I had *despised* what I thought I knew of Reagan (mea culpa). I have voted Republican since that point.

    I don’t agree with the current Republican Party on *all* of its positions, but the simple fact that the Democratic Party is, in its *platform*, openly committed to the legality of abortion (no longer even using the words, “safe, legal and rare”) and homosexual marriage (which was legalized here in Maryland on Nov. 6th) means that it is near-impossible for me to vote Democratic at any time in the near future.

    On dating liberal women, I’m in a relationship and she’s definitely not liberal, and I’m very happy about that fact. More and more, conservatives and liberals live in two different Americas, and I can’t imagine dating someone who does not share my deepest philosophical convictions. Even having an openly professed and practiced Christian faith does not always prevent one from having deeply flawed philosophical thinking. The latter, I think, is the issue with many Catholics and other Christians who voted for Obama. Bad philosophical thinking (*and* a lack of belief in God) was definitely at the core of my former leftist thinking. About the “two Americas,” this is what I wrote on Facebook the day after the Presidential election:

    “For me and many of my family members and friends, and for so many other people, Tuesday was a sad day for America. For other friends that I have (and love), and for many other people, Tuesday was a good day for America. One thing is clear to me though. The America that I, and many others, currently live in, and grieve for, is not the America that many others currently live in and celebrate. Americans today are divided among themselves. They have radically differing ideas of freedom and its origin, human rights and their origin, natural law (and whether such a thing even truly exists), and objective goodness (and whether it truly exists). These differences could not have been resolved by an election, but I think that now, those differences will only become more and more clear and stark. I pray that God may bring good out of this increasingly stark clarity on our deep differences as Americans.”

  • Kristen inDallas

    I don’t think you have to compromise your principles unless one of your principles is “other people agreeing with you.” I can see where it would be tough for a party-line democrat to make it work with a party-line republican. But for a conservative leaning Catholic (who doesn’t buy that republicans are all that great) to make it work with a liberal leaning agnostic, there’s already so much common ground. As long as you can agree that no human-made instituion is perfect and are both willing to strive to find something “more” perfect, you’ve got something to build on.


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