Stupid Things – a Double Edition…

… Typically I do a single stupid thing on any given day. Today was exceptionally rare.

This morning I went outside to take out the trash. It was still dark when I heard a loud crashing noise coming from the wooded area in the back yard. What the hell was that, I wondered out loud. I turned and was face to face with this…

UNHOLY BEAST!

And it made a noise, like a scream. Did you know deer scream and it sounds sort of human but in a creepy as shit inhuman way? And then it reared up at me like it was a head kicking ninja! All I could do was react on pure adrenaline. I tipped the trash can over to obstruct the rabid Demon Deer’s path in case it got any crazy ideas about charging and then I ran like a little girl shrieking “Nature! Nature! Oh my God, Nature!”

I narrowly escaped with my life. It was a harrowing experience but I’m confident I was a model of heroic virtue. And then I made my nine year old son go back out later and make sure the coast was all clear before I left for work.

***

I meet the most interesting people at my job. Today I was honored to meet Ahliveah. What an unusual and exotic name, Ahliveah. How do you pronounce such a wonderful name, I asked.

Her reply; “Uh. Olivia. Duh”

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • http://www.godandthemachine.com/ Thomas L. McDonald

    I had a deer encounter just last night too, and it was pretty creepy. I heard something moving around toward the back of the property when I went to close in the chickens for the night. My flashlight just showed a couple of creepy glowing eyes (as above), but I could tell whatever it was, was big. It just rustled around in the underbrush for a while and made weird non-deerish sounds.

    Coincidentally (OR IS IT?!) We found a dead deer on the lot over the weekend. Maybe I actually encountered … GHOST DEER!

  • tj.nelson

    Oh deer.

  • Christine Dalessio

    Fantastic. I have a close friend who is Deathly Afraid of deer. And if you know anything about central Jersey, where she lives, you will know that they move in packs. Sometimes in full-on battalions.

  • Ironic Catholic

    Thanks for making me laugh. :)


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