Phenomenally Craptastic Week…

… I missed my calling as a hermit or rather a pampered recluse. The general public never ceases to amaze me, and by amaze I mean ::facepalm:: I guess I should be seriously grateful I’m not in customer service. I studied forensic pathology for years in hopes of never having to work with the living. Or at least seriously minimizing my contact.

Fast forward fifteen years and here I am knee deep in the general public. Last week I was asked out by an ax murderer. Well, I don’t know if he actually used an ax to murder his victim but I still cautiously declined. Then there was this other dude at my desk today eating sunflower seeds and spitting the shells in a ziploc baggy. And when he looked up to talk to me he had shells all stuck to his lips and spit running down his chin. I was all like…

Thoroughly nauseous I skipped lunch to leave work a few minutes early… so I could race home, change my clothes, wrestle an unwilling child into church attire, drive like mad to get to mass on time and celebrate a holy day of obligation that isn’t till to-freaking-morrow!

What followed next was a complete melt down in the empty church parking lot.

I need a box o’ wine now. Just pour it in my face, please.

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • heavenly1

    Wasn’t the Mass you attended a Vigil Mass, comparable to a Saturday evening Mass which counts for Sunday?

    • Katrina Fernandez

      there was no vigil

  • Elisabeth

    I have so been there. Oh my. Still trying to figure how I am going to wrangle 5 people, one who works full time, three of whom are in Catholic school, and one of whom is just difficult (was I a pain when I was 18? Maybe.) to Mass tomorrow. I have a feeling it’s going to be 5 people, 4 Masses. Ah, the joys of single Catholic motherhood! I’m hoping to go by myself, because I can HEAR them rolling their eyes when we start up with On Eagle’s Wings… Have an extra glass on me.

    • Jeanne Chabot-Baril

      Oh my gosh. I haven’t ever done 4 masses, but I often do 2. Because I organize different people’s masses around soccer games and other activities. Because I pretty much do single CATHOLIC parenting, even though I am not a single mother. There are weekends when I could seriously use a glass of wine. And a shot of whiskey, and maybe some tequila too…

  • Jordan

    Excellent use of gifs, my friend. Hope you do get some time to enjoy that boxed wine soon!

    • Katrina Fernandez

      It’s all part of my nefarious plan to turn Patheos into 4chan.

      • Eugene Edward Yeo

        I like this. ANOTHER!

  • Sophie Bean

    It’s tomorrow already here in Oz. That should count.

  • tj.nelson

    I always enjoy your amusing commentary on life, Mrs. Bombeck.

  • GoodCatholicGirl

    I;m sorry you had such a bad day but this is hilarious! Thanks . . . I think!