Protestant Hookers…

… Kid’s say the darnedest things; like that their dad’s let them play Grand Theft Auto when you know full good and well this is a lie because his dad, an ex-Marine, fencing champion and Catholic deacon, would skin him alive like St. Bartholomew.

But you play along because he’s just a kid and there’s no sport in making him look foolish. But the kid’s persistent and says his getting the game for Christmas and you just roll your eyes and tell him you highly doubt it because it’s a really violent game full of hookers.

Wait. What?

Did you just “hookers”? Then your son overhears and his friend, Mr. Liar Pants’s younger brother, both ask you simultaneously… “What’s a hooker?”


Um, boys. A hooker is… is… a position in rugby.

Hmmm. Nice try, but no.

But the older boy, the worldly R-rated video game player, totally busts you because he enjoys knowing stuff that the younger boys don’t. “No”, he gleefully screams. “A hooker is a prostitute!”

Without missing a beat, both younger boys reply, ” a protestant?”


Dear Mr. Ex-Marine, Catholic Deacon, Ninja Fighter, Intimidating Beard Face, forgive me. I just allowed your son to continue on in his belief that protestants were hookers because explaining it further would have been weird and awkward, and frankly, I value my life over death by Mameluke sword. Plus, I admit to finding it funny.

“Yes, boys. That is exactly right. A hooker is just another word for protestant. Now who wants ice cream?”

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • dianathetraveler

    lol. awesome.

    • michicatholic

      Your hatred is showing.

      • Guest

        Im not sure if this comment is directed at me, or just placed here accidentally… But I don’t hate anyone. :)

      • Eugene Edward Yeo

        U mad, bro?

  • heidisaxton

    Katrina, you are one funny lady.

  • Manny

    Bwahahahahaha! Too funny.

  • Jeanne Chabot-Baril


  • Thomas R

    “A hooker is just another word for protestant.”

    Cute, but I could see this leading to pretty awkward situations.

    Neighbor girl, “I’m a Methodist.”

    “Is that a kind of hooker?”

    Neighbor girl clocks him in the mouth

    Or something. (Although I guess you could later add, “but it’s a mean word for a Protestant, so don’t use it.”)

  • Pat

    Reminds me of a Thanksgiving when I was a kid… All the Aunts and Uncles sitting around the table laughing and telling stories, then suddenly, everyone fell silent and glared at ME! All I said to my little sister was that ” Aunt Audry isn’t a Catholic, she’s a prostitute.” I had to leave the table and no one ever did tell me what was wrong.

  • michicatholic

    Knock off the hate. If I go to the gas chambers someday for being Catholic, I want it to be over the gospel, not over some hate spewed out on the internet from someone who just couldn’t control themselves. People can see this and it doesn’t help with the New Evangelization or even the old one. Knock it off. Please.

    • Pat

      Wow. How the heck do you get hate out of this? It’s about a natural mistake that innocent children make with words they hear, and the awkwardness of adults who don’t want to destroy the purity of a child by explaining it. I also thought someone from Lebanon was called a lesbian when I was a child. It’s silly mistake and not intended to be hateful. Lighten up.

      • michicatholic

        There are a lot of “innocent grammar mistakes children make.” Why this one? It’s just throwing out the word “protestant” and another word to cause controversy and trouble. If someone threw out the word “Catholic” and then put “hooker” in the same sentence, there’d be indignant Catholics in here quoting Vatican documents, whining about popes and carrying on over their precious reputation.

        • Pat

          Then I would say those people are over-sensitive and would whine no matter what was said. It’s funny and not mean-spirited.

        • JohnH2

          Pope Alexander VI’s mistresses don’t appear to have been hookers though they were Catholic. I guess there was Pope John XII who appears to have had both. There, wasn’t that helpful?

          Now let me fire up the gas chamber because the mom of some kids found it amusing that the kids had a grammar error and decided to share that with others, as clearly that is an offense worthy of exterminating a few billion people over.

  • Mary E.

    Well, there was the theologian Richard Hooker, who was undisputably Protestant . . .

    • Mary E.

      Oops! Missed the earlier post mentioning Richard Hooker. Sorry!