When an Extrovert Marries an Introvert

I’m an extrovert. Surprised? Having just returned from a week at the family cabin with 14 humans and 8 dogs, my beloved, the introvert, sent me this graphic and accompanied links:

Introverts reflect on new information at length and react relatively slowly:

Extroverts are geared more for action, so they reflect and react almost at the same time

More info here:


Are you and extrovert married to an introvert, or vice versa? What tips and insights do you have?

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  • 2TrakMind

    As for insights; I think there’s a difference between being introverted and being introspective. I happen to be both, but what I see this graphic depicting speaks more to the introspect than the introvert. For a couple, knowing the difference is important.

    As for tips; My wife and I are polar opposites. She is great with people, outgoing and upbeat; I am quiet and reserved, and easily get overwhelmed with groups of people. I like deep and thoughtful conversations where we engage the mind, whereas my wife prefers light hearted conversation, as she spends most of her days engaged in the lives of hurting people and taking care of our children, and needs the mental and emotional break. I think the important thing is to accept yourself for who God made you to be, and for whom He made your spouse to be, then to let each other be who you are. Learn how to communicate with each other, and allow each other the space to thrive.

    • Sofia

      That makes sense. I’d be curious to know how an introvert who processes externally operates. And does the extrovert who is introspective ever have time to truly process?

      I think I’m an introspective introvert, but I can certainly work a crowd. I truly enjoy new experiences and meeting new people, but I do have to be in the mood. It’s like I have a self-controlled on/off switch. (also part of my enneagram 7-ness) But of course, the core of introversion/extroversion isn’t so much about behavior as it is energy source–whether people recharge in crowds or recharge solo.

  • This link was just emailed to me by a friend, with some great insights: http://lifehacker.com/how-introverts-and-extroverts-can-peacefully-coexist-638422576

  • kelly C.

    I am an extraverted female married to an introverted male happily for 26 years. My advice is to keep in mind that introverts are the minority in our society. There are a lot more of us extraverts then introverts. This puts them at a disadvantage. When talking to an introvert, be patient and give them a few extra minutes to answer your question…they process internally before answering…they are not doing it on purpose. Also, don’t be surprised if you ask them about a plan….for example, “do you want to go to a party?”, or go to dinner, etc….they probably will not answer right away and say something like “let me think about it.” I have learned that introverts actually DO need to think about a decision before they commit. Sometimes they may need a day or two if it is a decisions that requires money or time commitments. Introverts recharge their batteries by being quiet…extraverts recharge their batteries by interactions with others…extraverts can and do need downtime and introverts can socialize very well…but in general extraverts verbalize their feelings and thoughts outloud to another person to process ideas or information and introverts do not discuss with others to process…they talk after they have had time to “think” about it….do not take it personally!!!!! Extraverts….DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONAL! Be willing to do social activities by yourself sometimes….your extravert partner may not feel like going to a social activity after work or they may not even want to talk a few hours after they come home because they are drained after a day of interacting with people…be understanding of this! Being understanding of introverts need for quiet time is a way of loving them.

  • Ric Shewell

    I am an ENFP. My wife is an ISTJ. And it is hilarious.

    • kelly C.

      I am an ENFP and my husband is an ISTJ….it is hilarious. 🙂