Six Ways Fundamentalist Need to Grow up

A while back, Mike Pence publicly referenced that he abides by the Billy Graham Rule, which is to never eat a meal alone with any woman who is not his wife. I wrote about the fiasco and said this about fundamentalists, “…what frustrates me most about the BG rule used by grown ups is that living by rules is still the framework that dictates ethical living. I often feel as if evangelical adults do not move past the developmental phase… Read more

How Children Rescue Us From Fundamentalism

I have decided that what makes fundamentalism so vile is not that it perpetuates bigotry and hate, or the way it lacks authenticity by covering life with a veneer of false piety, or even how it erects (white) man-made boundaries to determine who’s in and who’s out. No, the most deadly sin fundamentalism commits lies in how incredibly boring it is.  Although I appreciate the sincerity of those who are so certain of their faith, there is something insidious in having… Read more

A Parenting Shift From Fear to Love

An excerpt from the book Adopting Grace: A Parenting Journey from Fear to Freedom As I continued to travel down a road of both parenting and faith shifts, it became clear that I didn’t understand a great deal about feelings and emotions. I realized that when I parented my sons, I considered their expressions of certain feelings as out of bounds. My response to normal human emotions such as anger, frustration, jealousy, and the like was often to label them… Read more

Five FAQs – Parenting While Deconstructing

Deconstructing, disillusionment, faith shifting—these are all terms to describe the tumultuous process through which we dismantle previously held faith convictions and attempt to rediscover our identity. Add to this the incredible responsibility of parenting—simultaneously building little humans up when we’re falling apart with a faith crisis—can be disorienting. What I want you to know is that you’re not alone. We’re in this together, figuring out how to wade into unknown territory, raising our children in the ways we ourselves weren’t… Read more

My Daughter Loves Jesus. Is That Okay?

Anonymous asks, My 7yo daughter loves Jesus a LOT, and to be honest, I’m not sure why. My deconstruction started when she was 4, and she wasn’t exposed to a whole lot (not in my thinking, anyway). At least a couple times a week, she’ll tell me how she can’t wait to see Jesus one day, and how she’s going to run to him and hug him and tell him that she loves him. A couple months ago, she would… Read more

No, John Piper, Kids Do Not Delight to Fear Dads

“Kids delight to fear good Dads,” a sermon by John Piper. It has long been established that children feel safer with boundaries whether they consciously like them or not, but enjoying fear? Anxiety and delight don’t generally work well together. Piper makes attempts to balance “fear” and safety but the tone is troublesome. It is clear he believes the problem is there is not enough fear in parenting. Image Source: Public Domain His thesis is as follows: “Dads, help your children… Read more

Back to School and Child Shaming

Of course, parents love their kids. But are viral rants, memes and jokes about their return to school really appropriate? Read more

Break the Cycle: Spiritual Abuse and the Conversion of Children

I’m in a tiny, sleepy Indiana town. It’s 1984. It’s where I was born, where my family attends a Missionary church, where many residents farm in addition to whatever other jobs they may do. Our stocky, kindly, elderly next door neighbor sometimes lets me look at the squirrels he catches in live traps in his yard, but I’m not thinking about the squirrels now. Instead, with the summer foliage hanging heavily overhead in the Indiana humidity, I’m sitting with Dad… Read more

7 Spiritual Child Protection Policies

Not everyone who grew up in fundamentalism become indoctrinated. Some are natural born dissenters, pushing against any agenda until they finally grow into legal autonomy. When I speak to people like this, I am often envious because that is not my story. My rebellion came much later in life, requiring me to shed an identity that is already woven into the fabric of my being. Sometimes I shame my child self. Why was I so stupid—I bought into it, hook,… Read more

How I’m Raising My Son a Feminist

This morning, I drove my children to their bus stop wearing my Wonder Woman headband. I also wear it around the house, doing dishes and at my computer. My daughter wears it sometimes. Oh, and my son dons the band, even my husband tried it on. Because a strong female superhero is for our whole family to respect. My husband cooks and I have a career outside the home. We don’t ever do gendered activities (no Daddy Daughter dates in… Read more

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