We seem to live in a society of scarcity, lack, and limitation. You can tell within two minutes of conversation how someone sees the world. Ask them, “How do you see the world? How do see yourself? How are you being in the world?”. 90% of all interaction is non-physical, we get most of our information from no words at all, we are listening to tone, sounds, and placing meaning on things so fast based on experiences that we have had. For example, someone in your life is not feeling good at that moment, since we don’t want them to not feel bad we try to put meaning on where they are at, we do this to comfort them, but what they may be searching for is simple, “I understand”. Those two words meet the person right where they are existing and could help them get out their funk. I have noticed in my growth that when someone offers me information on their life, like not feeling well, not doing good, lost a job, etc…that it is really just calling for love.
I dialogued recently with Mr. Gary Renard ACIM teacher and best selling author, he suggested that people are calling out for love or expressing love. He also added that, “expressing love is easy, but when someone is calling out for love that is when we must see love in them”. The call can come with someone venting to you or at you, someone not feeling well, someone judging another, or you doing the same. Most people really just want to call out where they are and not feel judged, and then on the other end hear, “I understand”. Those two words can release anyone from the story and have them begin to pick themselves up. If they come to us, and we tell them how they should be, or they shouldn’t be the way they are, ask yourself,”How would that feel for you?” We all yearn for trust, honesty, and authenticity, but those can’t be achieved by changing someone, by having them change, when frankly they don’t at that moment. Sometimes people come to us, just to be heard and listened.
When we try to change people, we are suggesting that they are lacking, when really since there is only one mind, and we are always talking to ourselves, so we are planting the seed that we lack, that we need to change, that we are unworthy. The power of presence is amazing. By offering the power of presence to a partner, former partner, friend, family, and allowing them to be where they are at that moment, you offer them the gift to grow and in turn you give yourself that gift too. Stop changing and start listening without inner commentary on where others are, because the inner commentary is really where you are, not them.
As always, don’t read this and trust the writer blindly, practice this and see for yourself. Let a friend, stranger, family member vent, get angry, frustrated, and know that it is a call for love, not a time to change them, that call begins with understanding, simply, “I understand”.