Why I Am Catholic
Joe Six-Pack here with a short little post on the worlds’ fascination with the orgasm. Remember my little missive on the subject before?
Last Fall I noted that the orgasm had become the Alpha and Omega of our politics. But It’s more than that.
Why be relegated to such a narrow sphere? The Orgasm transcends mere politics, you see, and should be rightly placed at the very center of our lives.
Haven’t you been reading/viewing the Main Stream Media Catechism being beamed to every TV set, film screen, and radio station these days?
Now that the Papacy is vacant, for instance, the MSM is chock-a-block with ideas on how the sede vacante may be the advent of The Orgasm. When, in the fullness of time, the chosen Center of Pleasure can finally release the captives (us) and throw off the yoke of the oppressors (folks who don’t bend the knee to the Almighty Orgasm). Poor John Allen Jr. just doesn’t get It.
Perhaps, they pray, the Church too will finally acknowledge the One True God (read “The Almighty Orgasm”) from which all truth, goodness, and beauty is derived.
Here’s a tiny example for you from a very concerned pair of catechists on CNN as they breathlessly interview a nonbeliever named Fr. James Martin, SJ.
My goodness. If you can’t count on the Jesuits and America magazine to see the light, who can be saved?
The thankless task of evangelization must be continued, though, and the Good News of the Almighty Orgasm must be proclaimed. Especially when everyone knows that Orgasms Enshrined in Marriage (Straight/Gay/Whatever) are capable of stopping all manner of evil acts, in every domain. Just ask catechist Chris Matthews. He’ll tell you, despite protestations of nonbelievers like George Weigel and Tom Roberts to the contrary.
Note at the beginning of this clip that the final tweet of the Pope Emeritus of the Catholic Church sadly put Christ, and not the Almighty Orgasm, as central to ones’ happiness. Sigh.
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The work of a catechist for the Almighty Orgasm is never done. Just ask catechist Morrissey.
The Orgasm…is there any pain It can’t heal? Is there any problem It can’t solve?
UPDATE:
Joanne McPortland just doesn’t get It.
Elizabeth Husted Duffy ponders the efficacy of marriage as a crime prevention program.
Tony Layne at Outside the Asylum just doesn’t get It.
The Anchoress sidesteps It, in a close call.
Get Religion has some fun with It.
Fr. James Martin, SJ has had It up to here!
UPDATE II
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