(AoftheANews) Are your blog post titles bland and uninteresting? Do your friends avoid your site because your headlines are too boring to click? Is traffic at your site suffering due to a lack of artificially-generated outrage?
If you answered “Yes!” to any of those questions, then you may want to consider registering for the new on-line course, “How to Write a Click-bait Headline!” Learn the principles that have made Pewsitter so successful! This ten-week course covers everything from start to finish on crafting the most outlandish blog post titles and headlines EVER!!, and guarantees an exponential increase in traffic!
Here’s a partial list of the “Pewsitter Principles” courses being offered:
“Bold, Italics, or Both: Making Font Styles WORK for YOU!!”
“From Text to Pretext to Out Of Context: How Your Headline can Create INSTANT Bias!”
“Phrase-Latching: the #1 SECRET to Induce Feverish Clicking!!”
“Want to Promote Misconception?? Make Punctuation Work for You!!”
Nothing says “Click Me!” like a headline that makes you believe it’s the focal point of the article you link to or write, but in reality, isn’t. Don’t think it’s true? Let’s look at a couple headlines before and after applying the “Pewsitter Principles” (actual Pewsitter headlines in bold).
Here’s a headline from the Vatican Insider about Pope Francis’ homily from Mass on March 8:
It’s not bad, but after taking the on-line course, you’d be writing:
‘Pope: True worshipers of God are not the guardians of the material temple, the holders of power and religious knowledge?’
Whoa! That question mark at the end makes it insta-clickable! And the out-of-context quote would make any reactionary Catholic believe the Pope is talking specifically about him!
Here’s another example, taken from the U-T SanDiego story about the appointment of Bishop McElroy to the Diocese of San Diego:
Rates pretty low in terms of generating interest, but once you learn the Pewsitter Principle of ‘phrase-latching’, you’ll be able to write:
‘New San Diego Bp. McElroy: Faithful see evil day of wrath, ex-Catholics heartened…’
Who wouldn’t want to read about an evil day of wrath, right? Makes you think the article’s full of fire and brimstone, when it’s…not. And so what if only one ‘ex-Catholic’ was interviewed? Pluralize it! It creates misconception!
So sign up today! Stop suffering under the weight of writing accurate, judicious headlines. Learn all the skills necessary to create buzz, generate more traffic, and promote your version of truth. The cost is free – only the price you pay may be steep.