Acts of the Apostasy
(AoftheANews) After months of intense negotiations and several close votes, the Vatican approved the relocation of the St Louis Archdiocese to Los Angeles.
A spokesman for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles told AoftheA News that the region was strong enough to support two franchises. “Competition can be a healthy thing. We’re looking forward to them coming to sunny southern California.”
The city of St Louis had made repeated offers to the Catholic Church in a desperate bid to keep the archdiocese located along the Mississippi River, but they were all for naught.
“We offered to build a new cathedral, to expand the chancery, to even give the Church naming rights to the Gateway Arch, but none of those offers were enough,” an unnamed city official told AoftheA News. “We’re disappointed, to be sure, but on the other hand, they’re leaving us with some awesome property.”
A spokesman for the St Louis Archdiocese released the following statement after the approval was granted: “We understand the emotions of our fans. We made a decision and worked long and hard at the various alternatives. When they didn’t succeed, we worked this one to this point.”
To the thousands of Catholics located in the St Louis area, the news seemed to have little impact.
“I gave up hope on this franchise years ago,” one woman said. “They consistently underperformed, and I rarely got my money’s worth.”
“I didn’t even realize we had an archdiocese,” a man told AoftheA News after dropping his daughter off at Our Lady of Close Calls School. “I thought Vatican II did away with those things.”
There’s some speculation that the area will be divided between the Diocese of Springfield-Cape Girardeau and the Diocese of Jefferson City. Calls to both diocesan offices were not returned at the time of this report.
Image source: Baylor98 [Creative Commons] via Wikimedia
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