BREAKING: Vatican Approves Move Of St Louis Archdiocese To Los Angeles

BREAKING: Vatican Approves Move Of St Louis Archdiocese To Los Angeles January 13, 2016


(AoftheANews) After months of intense negotiations and several close votes, the Vatican approved the relocation of the St Louis Archdiocese to Los Angeles.

A spokesman for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles told AoftheA News that the region was strong enough to support two franchises. “Competition can be a healthy thing. We’re looking forward to them coming to sunny southern California.”

The city of St Louis had made repeated offers to the Catholic Church in a desperate bid to keep the archdiocese located along the Mississippi River, but they were all for naught.

“We offered to build a new cathedral, to expand the chancery, to even give the Church naming rights to the Gateway Arch, but none of those offers were enough,” an unnamed city official told AoftheA News. “We’re disappointed, to be sure, but on the other hand, they’re leaving us with some awesome property.”

A spokesman for the St Louis Archdiocese released the following statement after the approval was granted: “We understand the emotions of our fans. We made a decision and worked long and hard at the various alternatives. When they didn’t succeed, we worked this one to this point.”

To the thousands of Catholics located in the St Louis area, the news seemed to have little impact.

“I gave up hope on this franchise years ago,” one woman said. “They consistently underperformed, and I rarely got my money’s worth.”

“I didn’t even realize we had an archdiocese,” a man told AoftheA News after dropping his daughter off at Our Lady of Close Calls School. “I thought Vatican II did away with those things.”

There’s some speculation that the area will be divided between the Diocese of Springfield-Cape Girardeau and the Diocese of  Jefferson City. Calls to both diocesan offices were not returned at the time of this report.

Image source: Baylor98 [Creative Commons] via Wikimedia

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  • sez

    I read the title wrong, and thought they were moving the St. Louis arch (not the archdiocese), and remembered back when the A’s moved their big “A” in Anaheim… thinking that the big arch would be a nice addition.

    Until the Big One hits.

    • Lizzy Sandy Mejia

      Let’s just hope someone orders a “large shake” at a fast food restaurant in California just before “the big one” hits. 😛

  • candide

    THIS HAS TO BE A JOKE. What is being moved is a football team not a Catholic archdiocese. St. Louis has always been an important diocese in the Church. You cannot have two dioceses in one city.

    • LarryD

      candide, please look at the tags at the bottom of the post…

      • candide

        see above

      • candide

        Oh, you mean satire. OK. Very clever.

      • Larry, I can’t believe that you had to point that out.

        • LarryD

          Robert, given all the years I’ve been blogging, nothing surprises me anymore.

  • Ron Turner

    I only wonder about the name of the relocated archdiocese. Surely, it won’t be as lame as “the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim”.

  • As a St. Louisan? Thanks. I needed the laugh after what that jackass did to my city.

  • candide

    Since the Catholic church in Europe is in such disarray I suggest the Vatican move to Manila where Catholicism is taken more seriously. You know about the time when the Vatican moved to Avignon, where the food was much better than in Rome and the people less unruly.

  • candide

    We don’t know whether Simon Peter went to Rome voluntarily or was deported there with many other Jewish troublemakers in his day for trial and execution. Had he gone elsewhere much would have been different. Had he gone to Antioch or Damascus or even Mecca perhaps Mohammed would have become a good Catholic and would not have started this evil terroristic Islamic religion. Had Peter stayed in Jerusalem the real Christianity of Jesus and his brother James might have survived, but it is probable as some scholars think that the Jewish-Christians were invested in anti-Roman terrorism. Peter would have been killed along with the rest by the Roman War vs. the Jews and there would be no Catholic church at all. Some might like that, some not.

    • Gallibus

      ‘If ‘ifs’ and ‘ands’ were pots and pans, there would be no need for tinkers’.

  • candide

    Come to think of it, the best place for the Vatican to go is New Orleans, an authentic Catholic town with authentic Catholic vice, crime, immorality, and good food.

  • candide

    You notice I did not suggest Buenos Aires. There won’t be another Argentinian pope just as there will not be another Polish pope. Popes should be Italian.

    • mangdiego

      I agree, It’s their vocation!

  • candide

    I think you remember the joke: John Paul II is given an interview with Jesus and allowed to ask three questions. 1) Will there be married priests? Answer, not in your lifetime. 2) Will there be women priests? Answer, not in your lifetime. 3) Will there be another Polish pope? Answer, not in MY lifetime.

  • Rhonda Ross Jackson

    LOL–but in all tongue-in-cheek seriousness, there are probably some brothers and sisters–those who cannot believed Jesus laughed–who might not get the joke. Great “Onion” piece!

  • Rhonda Ross Jackson

    Thanks all who posted for the wonderful endorphin rush! God is so good.

  • Sophia Sadek

    Talk about fallen arches!

  • Marc Palumbo

    Was this because the Rams are moving to Los Angeles? Damn, Jesus loves his football

  • prairiebunny

    As compensation the Vatican is sending Bishop Barron to St. Louis and one SJW to be named later.

  • FrankieB

    No way you want to ditch the STL AD in favor of the LA one left by MaPhoney.

  • Captain_America

    As Don Vito said, “This ain’t personal, just business.”

    • Patricia Gallagher

      Don Vito was a gentleman. He wouldn’t say “ain’t”!

  • Husky Fan in Mass

    Turnabout is only fair seeing that the Maronite Catholic Eparchy of Our Lady of Lebanon of Los Angeles is based in St. Louis.

  • Luis Gutierrez

    Hilarious! 🙂

  • Fliptrx

    You guys must be drinking the water !

  • LOL, this will give the Rams a blessing to go back to LA. 😉