Acts of the Apostasy
Last week, Huffington Post ran a piece called “The 3-Letter Word That Cuts Down Women Every Day”. In it, author Cameron Schaeffer said the word too is sexist, and it makes women feel bad about themselves.
No, seriously. It’s what she wrote. With all that’s going on in the world, too is evil, part of the Politically Incorrect lexicon. Thus, the column deserves snarky commentary, mostly because it’s too silly to avoid, and partly because it’s how I roll.
There is no proper way for a woman to cut her hair, let alone do anything right in this world. There seems to be an unobtainable one-millimeter-wide mark of perfection, and none of us can reach it. Everything is too this or too that. We see it every day in the tabloids. For example, one day a female celebrity is too revealing and the next day she is too matronly.
In my experience, I rarely hear too thrown around about men. You hear someone say, “He’s short,” but you seldom hear “too short.” I hear women and men alike each day describing women as too something. But what does it really mean when you call a woman too? I asked myself, “too what?” I have determined that too means you’re calling a woman too far away from your idyllic vision of what a woman should be. Something as small as calling a woman’s dress too long or her muscles too built has a much larger social construct. With all the varying tastes and cultures in this world, it is impossible for a woman — or anyone, for that matter — to fulfill everyone’s criteria. And why is it our responsibility to satisfy them, anyway?
My epiphany about this word surprised me. I view myself as a well-versed feminist, but I never realized how deeply a three-letter adverb could cut. Of course I’m not deeply offended by something as innocent as my friend thinking my hair is too short or too long. What makes me furious is the constant strain on females to find their unreachable perfect self. This realization really struck me when I figured out that I’ve never been satisfied with myself. My internal opinion is always that I’m too this or too that. I, like most women, have been deprived of self-satisfaction and appreciation because of this word and this attitude.
Wait, what? “In my experience, I rarely hear too thrown around about men”? Maybe not too, but there’s an adverb equally pernicious that puts constant strain on males “to find their unreachable perfect self”, to paraphrase her epiphany.
It’s the word enough.
We’re told we don’t do enough, we don’t try hard enough, we don’t earn enough, we don’t talk enough, we’re not smart enough, we’re not tall enough or buff enough, we’re not around enough, we’re not in touch with our feelings enough, we’re not compassionate enough, we’re not feminist enough, or we’re not good enough.
But here’s the kicker – men don’t do this to other men or themselves. Nope. We don’t tell other men they aren’t enough. The deprecation comes from trying to meet unrealistic and fluid expectations placed upon us by feminist women – women who, at their core, are dissatisfied with themselves. So much so, they try to be more like men, who really don’t give a rat’s patootie about stuff like haircuts. And because feminist women do care about haircuts, but would rather not, they become more frustrated. Not solely because men don’t care about haircuts, but because they themselves deeply care. Thus, their self-loathing is directed towards the men, to make up for their lack of self-satisfaction and self-acceptance. They know their priorities in life are disordered – otherwise, why would the word too be such a thorn? And why obsess about a haircut being too short or too long? – but rather than do the hard work of self-improvement, they place the burden upon the backs of men. They expect men to make up for what’s lacking, and then get upset when they don’t come through enough. They must believe men don’t carry enough – so not only do men bear their own problems, insecurities, and crosses, they are expected to lug around the women’s as well.
I’ve never told another man he’s isn’t enough, nor has any guy said that to me. If a guy asked his friend about a haircut…hang on. A guy would never ask another guy “How do you think I should get my haircut?”, because men aren’t that self-absorbed. Never in the history of mankind has a guy thought “I hope my friends don’t think my haircut is too short.” Most of the time, we’re thinking about how great it would be if feminist women would stop telling us we’re not enough.
(There is an exception. Some guys tell other guys they aren’t Catholic enough if they prefer the Novus Ordo over the Extraordinary Rite, or if they think it’s okay for women to wear pants, or if they don’t worry enough about whichever crisis is currently going down in the Church. Those guys have compensation issues, but that’s a topic for another post.)
There’s an unspoken Bro-Code: Never increase a man’s burden – piling on is majorly uncool, because some woman somewhere has repeatedly drilled into him he’s not enough. We’ve all been there. It’s what makes us a Band of Brothers. Comrades-in-arms. And that bond enables us to endure and carry on, recognizing that getting lucky every so often makes it bearable, if only by just enough.
If too is misogyny, then enough is misandry. And women are responsible for both.
Enough is enough.
Image via Pixabay.
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