Winston Churchill's wicked wit

Winston Churchill's wicked wit August 25, 2003

These are some quotes from a compilation by Dominique Enright of Churchills pithy humour

‘I am ready to meet my maker- but whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter’

‘If Hitler invaded Hell, I would at least make a favourable reference to the Devil in the House of commons’ (said when Russia was invaded by Germany)

‘He is a modest man who has a great deal to be modest about’

When proposing a toast to Stalin at a conference he praosed his desire for peace then in a whisper to a colleague ‘a piece of Poland, a piece of Czeckoslovakia…’

in 2000 women will rule the world, Winston ‘They still will will they?’

To a well endowed woman who told him she had got up at dawn and driven a hundred miles to attend the unveiling of hjis bust in Richmond , Virginia ‘Madam, I want you to know that I would be happy to reciprocate the honour’

The marks of a politician ‘The ability to foretell wwhat is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, and to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didnt happen’

‘Democracy is the worst form of government except all those others that have been tried from time to time’

‘This paper by its very length defends itself against the risk of being read’

In a campaign he was told by a voter they would rather vote for the devil than him ‘But in case your friend is not running, can I count on your support?’

‘If I valued the honourable gentlemans opinion I might get angry’

‘The inherant vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries’

Speeches are ‘the art of making deep sounds from the stomach sound like important messages from the brain’ Winston has spent the best years of his life in preparing impromtu speeches. ‘I am going to make a long speech because I haven’t had time to prepare a short one’

‘I can well understand the honourable member’s wishing to speak on. He needs the practice badly’

Roosevelt said of him ‘He has a hundred ideas a day, of which four are good ideas’

an actor friend telegraphed him ‘2 tickets reserved for you first night. Bring a fiend if you have one’ his reply? ‘Cant make first night. WIll come to the second. If you have one’

‘I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything I am a prod’

‘I am not usually even by my friends accused of a modest or retiring disposition’

‘Of course I am an egoist. Where do you get if you aren’t’

‘The English never draw a line without blurring it’

‘it is better to be irresponsible and right than responsible and wrong’

‘A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject’

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