With Saturn in the middle of a retrograde period and square Neptune, unequivocal and harsh realities must be met and dealt with head on. Sometimes faltering relationships of all varieties are the hardest to see for what they really are. We have all known difficult people. Whether they are manipulative, disrespectful of boundaries, toxic or whatever the case may be, our lives improve when we sever our connection with them. Disconnecting is a nuanced and multifaceted process. Personal boundaries have to be established and enforced, and then begins the work of removing the remaining tendrils of the connection. Metaphysical links have to be identified and severed as well.
For me, dandelions (also called Witch’s Gowan) make a wonderful metaphor for difficult people. Like the dandelion, difficult people are resistant to being uprooted once they have found good soil (i.e. you). Also, difficult people usually establish deep roots, insinuating themselves into multiple facets of your mind, heart, and spirit, and your body too if they are a lover. When people learn their lesson and cut ties with difficult folks, their situation often improves for the better. But difficult folks typically remain unchanged by their experience with the people they use. The psychological and metaphysical mechanisms that make the person difficult or toxic remain un-neutralized. Are there sorceries and magics that can catalyze that transformation process for difficult people? Of course, as sure as Hekate is Queen of Witches and Dark Lady of the Crossroads. But that growth process is the difficult person’s cross to bear, not yours. They are responsible for their own growth and change, and they are naturally reluctant to contemplate their own actions and take on that agonizing process. Consequently, when we move on, difficult people, like dandelions, typically find someone else’s soil to take root in and use, or they try to hang on to us against our will.
Dandelions are often viewed as irritating weeds in intentional and crafted garden but they inevitably spring up. With that said, don’t fret too much. Dandelions can be consumed for their nutrients. Muahahaha! Difficult people can be grist for the mill of personal growth, at least they can be for resilient folk who are trying to reach their full potential and be better today than they were the day before. Don’t misunderstand, there is no need to keep a garden full of difficult people in your life; that’s not what I am saying. What I mean is when you inevitably cross paths with difficult folks, make their leaves, roots, and the like into take-away messages and lessons that you can use to add to your own spiritual strength and resiliency, and don’t forget to use what you harvest from your experiences to squash similar challenges in the future. This is a part of accepting what life has to teach you and moving on.
When healing from contact with a difficult person, be sure to engage in as much self-care as you can. A key part of self-care is putting distance between you and the problematic person and then giving your personal boundaries a good once over. Are they non-existent? Are there gaps? Begin closing those us. This is your garden, your sacred enclosure. You decide what’s in, how in it is, why, and for what larger purpose. And you decide what’s out, how out it is, why, and for what larger purpose. Dandelions will enter the garden; that’s the reality, but only you decide if they are allowed to stay. And only you decide what personal growth you will extract from those encounters.
If you decide that the dandelions in your garden have to go, be sure to carefully lay the groundwork for disconnecting from them. Remember that their roots run deep. So, do the work you have to do on yourself, then harvest several dandelions for a delicious salad (Muahahaha!). When it feels right, seal the Disconnect Deal. Maybe the simple little charm below can help with that. Of course it’s not enough to wish a person away from you. You have to close the door, hold the boundary line…and call in reinforcements (or the cops) if necessary. You may find this charm most useful to mark the end of the major work involved in disconnecting from a difficult person, perhaps after you’ve blocked their means of contact with you, ignored sneaky third-party messages, and/or informed your shared network of friends that you do not care to receive the latest gossip about them and their life. This charm is the latch on the garden gate that you closed between you and the difficult person.
Witch’s Gowan: A Charm for Release
Find a dandelion that has a full crown of seeds. Dig up the entire plant, taking as much of the stem, leaves, and roots as you can. Ideally the dandelion would come from the property of the difficult person in question. Mindfully carry the plant to some distant place. A crossroads or a railroad track would work well. Wherever you go, it should not be too near your home. Let your walk to the place be a meditation on the troubles you’ve had with this person and your will to walk a new path that does not include them.
Once you’ve found a suitable place, hold the entire plant away from your body. Speak the following or something similar to the plant/person:
Annoying little weed seed,
Up, up and away!
Let the winds of change carry you
far from this place.
Take your stem and your leaves; go quickly!
Up, up, and away!
I’ve had enough of you,
And your tangled roots too.
With the full strength of your will, throw the plant away from you, hard. Put your whole body and all of your energy into casting it away. Walk away without looking back for any reason. When you return home, wash your hands at least, and if you can, take a cleansing bath. You may add a lustral water like Florida Water to the bath if you like. After purification, it is done.