Between Two Worlds: Reflecting, One Year Later

Between Two Worlds: Reflecting, One Year Later March 26, 2018

As the old saying that goes, “Time flies when you’re having fun…or not”. Since Hekate came into my life a year ago… with a bang… I can say I have experienced both. 

In My Journey With Hekate, I talked about how I decided to shut down my business after 39 years last January. Looking back at that dark period in my life, I was stressed. I didn’t know where to turn. It was like I was just marking time, with nothing to really look forward to. Plodding forward? Yes. I went to events and Full Moon Rituals at Circle Sanctuary, but I couldn’t get into any of it. Depression, maybe? I didn’t want to admit that!

Image by traumfaenger, CC.0 License.

When Hekate came actively into my life, a year ago, things started to turn around. Last March, I was paying more attention to the business shutting down, and not on the Ostara ritual at Circle Sanctuary. It was mostly about me. Was I feeling sorry for myself? Probably. 

However, this year, I was at Circle Sanctuary, helping with our Welcome Spring event coming up on the 24th. It was a completely different feeling. I was so happy and felt so in touch with myself.

What had happened in the past 12 months? Why did this year feel so different? It dawned on me that I was seeing more clearly this year. I realized I had been pre-occupied with the past — only plodding along. I was healthy, had been smiling, and thought I was doing ok. That wasn’t the case. 

I believe my turning point was due to Hekate coming with me on my Journey at the Crossroads. By unconditionally accepting Her as my Goddess and letting myself be guided by Her, I found a peace within myself that I had never known before. Self love…what a concept! By being able to accept myself, and love myself for what I am, not what other people think I should or shouldn’t be, I didn’t have to be authentic to anybody but me and Her. 

With this new mindset, it didn’t matter anymore what people thought about me. It didn’t matter anymore when I got mis-gendered. It didn’t matter when somebody said, “what exactly are you? Are you a man in a dress? Do you have a male part? What’s in your pants?” 

My answer since then? I was able to smile and move on. Being a Transwoman somedays is a bitch! Somedays it’s not. 

How did this change happen? When you give yourself over to loving yourself, and with Her at your side, those comments aren’t relevant in your life anymore. Having a totally accepting community has also helped. Before Her coming into my life, I had several communities, but they all take a backseat to my Pagan Community. When I’m in my mundane communities, some may be accepting, up to a point. With the business gone, that community went away, and now I’m surrounded by more love than ever before. Thank you! 

When you’re coming out to people, it all comes down to the communities you think are accepting and those communities that actually are. I only have one very accepting community in my life — my Pagan community. Even though I have known Selena Fox for over 30 years, I hadn’t actually walked into Circle Sanctuary until Welcome Summer in June of 2016. Hekate wasn’t even a blip on my radar then. I just knew I had to go there to help with something.

When I walked into the Temple Room that day, I hadn’t met anyone there before. That was where I heard two words that really told me that I was accepted unconditionally — Welcome Home. I wrote about it in my first article, Finding Home. I now know that Hekate was with me then, but I didn’t have a clue back then.

This year, on Ostara, I had thought, well ok, so Hekate goes down to the Underworld with Demeter to bring Persephone up for another six months. Ok, spring ahead. Warm weather, spring flowers, and more hiking opportunities. I also realized I needed to get rid of the garbage from my past. I needed to do a lot of spring cleaning, and not just in my apartment, but in my life. One of Her keys is to lead a virtuous life. That is now my mantra going forward, not looking back.

I borrowed this message from a recent post by Cyndi Brannen. “Wisdom: Tend your own field and hoe your own row.” I know that with Hekate with me, all things are possible, with Her help and wisdom. My garden is about helping as much as I can and am able, tending my field with my Pagan Community. Hoeing my row, is my responsibility to keep the weeds out of it.

Mighty Hekate, Queen of the Witches,
Blessed am I,
To call myself one of Your chosen.

(Above used with permission from Cyndi Brannen..with many thanks and love)

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