Between Two Worlds: Escape, Never to Return?

Between Two Worlds: Escape, Never to Return? September 30, 2019

On October 1, 1961, I joined the U.S. Air Force, and vowed to myself, I will never live in New York State again. Later that day, I arrived in San Antonio, Texas, to start basic training at Lackland Air Force Base. I was pleased with myself. I had escaped from New York State and a physically abusive relationship. You can read more about that here.

From the dictionary: The adverb never means “at no time,” or “not at all.” Yes, I had left New York State, but did I really escape? And would I never go back there to live? I did go back there to visit when I was on leave from the military. I did feel an obligation of sorts to my blood family. And societal norms at the time in the 60’s did dictate that. But to live there?

I vowed to myself, I will never live in New York State again. Photo provided by the author.

Ha, I kept telling myself never, over and over. In 1965 when I was overseas in the the Far East, I received a letter from my Grandfather. If you come back “home” you can always stay with us. Thanks, but no thanks. So instead I reenlisted, saying to myself again, I’ll never go back there to live. I ended up getting reassigned to my base of choice in Great Falls, Montana when I returned from overseas. A year later I found myself in Madison, Wisconsin. Almost 2 years later, I ended up in Duluth, Minnesota. I got out of the Air Force in July, 1969 and returned to Madison. Yep, still escaping!

Escaping from what?  It turned out that I was only escaping from myself and not a physical location. But I did keep my promise never to return to New York State. Or did I? It took many, many years before Hekate came into my life. I ignored Her the first time. Yes, I told myself, I’m Pagan, but I don’t have time for Her.  I found out very quickly that I wasn’t to ignore Hekate. More about that here.

I am now convinced that Hekate was involved in my life for a lot longer than I thought. I just wasn’t listening to any of Her messages or clues. It was all about what I wanted. Nothing or nobody else. Yep, just me. I won’t do anything except what I want. But I couldn’t escape from Hekate, and I’m very happy that I didn’t. When I was at a very major crossroads in my life, She did step in to help me.

Moving forward to July 19, 2019. I was doing a pretty deep meditation when I received a message I believe was from Hekate Herself. “Something will happen to you from 50 years ago, give or take a few years.” I thought, what does that mean. Who is it about? Turned out it wasn’t who, it was where. My sister has lived with me for almost a year. She was missing her friends back in New York State. And I was missing my friend who lost her best friend to cancer earlier this year. So we made plans to take some time to visit our friends in early September. Before we went, my friend Mary had picked me up to attend an herbal meeting. She asked my sister if she was excited to go east to visit. Shirley said, yes, but we “have to come back”.

My sister said we “have to come back”. Photo provided by the author.

That evening after I returned the answer came to me in another meditation. From Hekate again. It’s not always about you and what you want. It’s time for you to return to western New York State. With your sister. Be open to it. Before I went to bed that night I made an intention to Hekate that “I’m open to moving back to western New York State with my sister.” That night the date, October 1st popped into my mind in the middle of the night. Another answer. On October 1st, 2019 I will have left New York State 58 years ago. 5 plus 8 = 13. My magickal number.

I’ve already been making plans to move back there, with Shirley, before our lease expires June 30, 2020. And maybe, if Hekate agrees, I might just end up in Vermont where my friend lives. But first, I must take care of Shirley. Sometimes we have to escape to be able to return. I’m ready now. One thing that I’ve learned through all of this is, never say never!

So until next time…in the future.  Hail Hekate!!!

About Brianne Ravenwolf
Brianne Ravenwolf has identified as a Pagan from a very young age. She is an active member of Circle Sanctuary in Wisconsin. She volunteers her time there helping at most Full Moon Rituals, as well as some workshops, Circle events, and Sanctuary work days. At Pagan Spirit Gathering (PSG) last year, she became the first Pagan Transwoman to have the Senioring Rite of Passage. She follows a Hekatean Witchcraft Spiritual Path. To relax, she likes to walk, camp, and hike as much as possible in very rural areas. Brianne is also an avid reader, especially young adult novels. You can read more about the author here.

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