Finding Your Place

I don’t know where I belong.

If we were in a support group together I would introduce myself like this:

Hi, My name is Laura Livingood, and I don’t know where I belong. Actually, I don’t know a lot of things, but I want to start with the easiest one first. We can deal with the rest of my stupidity later. (Believe me, there’s a ton)

I’ve probably spent that last 3 years trying to make “Home Is Where Your Heart Is” a reality, continually seeking my next fix of belonging. From new cities to random adventures, from the arms of one dashing gent to a slightly less dashing bro, my heart/home is yet to be found, but I know it’s out there somewhere.

You should probably know this about me right away: I love cliché Sunday school answers to life questions. LOVE THEM. Why should you pray? To talk to Jesus. Why did Peter deny Christ 3 times? Because he was scared.

When I first realized I didn’t know where I belonged, my Sunday school answer was because I just didn’t. I was different, longed too deeply for human connection, was restless, hopeless, too reliant on other’s opinions, but each “easy” answer was like a random puzzle piece from a penguin puzzle instead of the awesome 3D castle one I was supposed to be working on.

Recently, I decided it was time to stop looking at the wrong box of puzzle pieces and force myself to graduate to the right box of answers.

My feeling like I didn’t belong had nothing to do with where I was, whom I was with, or what I was doing. My insufficiency had everything to do with me. I know, shocking news. Let’s call the Pentagon: a 20-something girl realized some of her emotional issues were self-induced.

Let me stop you before you roll your eyes too far.

Don’t want you to injure yourself.

The point of this story isn’t a girl’s self discovery, it’s how great God is when you least expect him to be.

When you get caught up in your insufficiencies, you often forget to see His greatness.

Looking back at every single time I have felt out of place, stuck, unwanted, unneeded, lost, it astounds me to see how clearly God was and has been working at just trying to get my attention. From stupid inside jokes that make sense to no one but the two dorks involved, to the stealthy glances of two friends who caught the same “that’s what she said joke” while listening to someone’s stories, to the random text just to say hi, God has been shouting at the top of His lungs for me to shut up my internal monologue and just listen.

It’s in silence and aloneness where God works His clearest magic.

I may not belong to a large community of close-knit friends. I may not belong to a dashing gent. I may not even belong in most places in this world, but my heart has found its home. Each beat belongs to the stolen glances, the silly midday emails, the “just because” messages, and the side splitting laughter of a few well-placed, God-granted friends who have found that they don’t know where they belong either.

I am proud to say that I belong on the island of misfit toys, each of us with our quirks and wounds, each of us feeling like we are lost, each of us just starting to realize that our island is a pretty great place to be.

There are a lot of things I don’t know. In fact, when I list them out I appear pretty stupid. That being said, maybe you have things you don’t know either. Want to visit the island of misfi

t toys, build a 3D castle puzzle and find the answers together?