Gay and Progressive at Liberty University

Eventually, I would learn how to remain secure in myself even as I suffered through traumatic experiences or situations. I’ve learned the value of making space, offering safety to those who’ve walked through life’s deepest valleys though most others appear reticent in willing to grant them rest from the pain.

Though I remained committed to a life that affirmed my sexuality and pursued justice, finding liberation in a greater community wherein that freedom is perceived as sin comes at great cost.

I’ve not yet found the limits of this cost.

I came back for my spring semester fragile, yet empowered to re-enter the Liberty bubble with a new frame of reference, hoping to apply with renewed fervor the many lessons I’d gleaned through my many difficult experiences.

As painful as this semester would be at its start, there would inevitably come a twist of the very best kind I did not anticipate as remotely possible, especially at Liberty.

I had a boyfriend.

Understandably, it took us a while to begin allowing others into the reality that we’re dating, but it’s also provided an opportunity to engage with our non-affirming friends in a unique way. For me, it offers the chance to legitimize – humanize – something that, for many, was a distant idea without much implication in their lives. It was something with which to disagree in the name of moral purity, but most hadn’t been personally presented with the possibility of two Christians of the same sex in a committed relationship fully believing God affirmed it.

While it makes for awkward conversation, it’s far more compelling; no longer is someone disavowing an idea – they must now disavow the genuine and authentic relationship in which two people close to them are lovingly participating.

At the very least, it presents one with a paradigm shift.

So what does it look like to be gay at Liberty University?

It doesn’t.

At least, it’s not something to be “seen”.

While Liberty’s code of student conduct makes explicitly clear sexual involvement with another outside of God’s strict “design” for male-female marriage is entirely illicit, and a punishable offense, it doesn’t prohibit the basic public displays of affection to which most couples don’t give a second thought.

That is, if they’re straight.

For a gay couple at Liberty, you run the genuine risk of confrontation from anyone in student leadership at any moment. I’m not privy to information regarding what is asked of RA’s and other students in leadership capacities when they’re confronted with same-sex public displays of affection, so I can’t necessarily say what is to be expected if we’re caught holding hands, per se.

But beyond the possibility of being reported to Student Conduct (and the subsequent “mandatory” counseling sessions that would follow), there is no doubt that to engage in these sorts of behaviors renders one subject to the judgment of fellow students. For me and my boyfriend to walk across campus holding hands would not only be entirely out of the ordinary, but it would be something I have never seen before.

Nor have I heard of such a thing happening.

While there are certainly those LGBTQ students on campus maintaining a low profile, I’ve not met many of them. If we’re to keep the peace and avoid the weight of the administration, it’s best to keep quiet, careful, avoiding any and all attention. Only through the reach of this blog and those willing to share my work have I been able to establish contact with Liberty students (outside my pre-existing group of friends) who also identify as LGBTQ+.

No matter what you believe, you must understand this: Liberty University is not a safe space for LGBTQ students.

The institution teaches and enforces non-affirming theology, and a majority of students hold to those same basic tenets of conservative theology. Because of this, LGBTQ students are not allowed to flourish.

Don’t believe me?

I don’t feel safe holding my boyfriend’s hand on campus.

I’ve never felt safe acknowledging my sexuality on public forums where other Liberty students, including students in leadership, can see what I’ve written.

My sexuality is not acknowledged as legitimate by the institution or its leaders.

I have friends who have been reported to Student Conduct because of their sexuality.

Transgender and non-binary students are routinely discriminated against and shamed by Liberty’s policies and students. (If you still don’t believe me, ask them.)

For a few months, my ability to graduate with my declared degree was an open question simply because no church in Liberty’s purview would be willing to grant an openly gay student an internship.

LGBTQ lives and relationships are routinely denounced as sinful and dangerous from platforms – large and small – by faculty and guest speakers.

Many of us live with an incessant fear of losing scholarships, university jobs, positions of leadership, ministry opportunities, our academic standing, and even our ability to graduate should the right people in power learn of how we live.

While we’re capable of surviving perfectly adequately in our context, it’s not without great sacrifice. By virtue of the institution’s unwillingness to affirm our lives, we’re forced into silence, listening and watching as our neighbors maintain a dangerous status quo at the expense of our humanity, all the while posting every which way on social media so as to remind us of the shame to which we’ve long been numbed.

I refuse to be complicit in keeping a violent peace.

So – where do I go from here?

Well, it’s complicated, but I have one year left at Liberty; my hope is to leverage any and all influence I have towards affecting change and fostering a safe space for LGBTQ individuals like myself to find community, love, and affirmation. Liberty would never sanction such a thing in a formal capacity, but I have lofty dreams of graduating having begun a nascent, under-the-radar organization capable of meeting the needs of those it seeks to serve.

One of the practical ways in which I’m attempting to make a difference is simply by writing. Telling my story has given me the unique opportunity to raise my voice, and it affords you the opportunity to see beyond black and white text into another human being’s life.

For those in similar positions to myself, know that your story is a treasure – if you can’t share it publicly, don’t feel pressured to do so. No one is entitled to your heart, so guard it thusly – practice self-care.

Beyond sharing my experiences, I also desire to further foster dialogue with fellow Liberty students, particularly those non-affirming friends who have a willingness to listen. If anything, my hope is that my witness as a gay Christian on campus will have some measurable impact in my immediate context.

I don’t like Liberty University.

But I believe this can change.

Slowly, patiently, and with great Love – the kind that hopes against all odds – it can change.

Yet we have a lot of work to do, and it is my intention to make space where there is no space, shine a light where there is no light, and include where exclusion is the standard.

And I know I’m not even scratching the surface – but it’s a start.

We must speak truth to power, earnestly seek the dismantling of oppressive systems, give generously even when it hurts, participate in local organizations that meet local needs and continue using our unique voices to make clear that social justice is something for which we must fight.

It’s Good News.

For those of us on the margins, it’s a matter of survival.

[This post was written and provided by Nathanial Totten]

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