Just Friends

Just Friends October 2, 2013

[Guest post by friend Laura Livingood]

I am tired; tired of waiting for the right one to come along, tired of hearing how happy all of my friends are in their relationships, tired of becoming yet another boy’s best friend knowing full well that they will never fall in love with me. I am exhausted, and honestly, even if I gave up, I’m not sure it would ever end the cycle.

This is a day in the life of me AKA Every Boy’s Best Friend…

7:30 am – OOO a snapchat! It’s boy #1 making a groggy “good morning” face. Cute. I stick out my ducklips, find my myspace angle, and respond with a “morning!”

8:15 am – 17 new emails sitting in my gmail inbox. Scanning, junk mail, free shipping offer… OOO an email from boy #2 ranting about something silly and making fun of me in a way that makes me blush while sitting alone in my office. There’s been over 600 emails exchanged in the last 6 months with boy #2. This morning’s was just as wonderful as past ones.

11:30 am – Get out of a meeting to 3 snapchats and 2 texts; The snaps are from boy #1, the texts from boy #3.

[I’d like to clear this up right now, I have never dated any of the gentlefolk; never held their hands, kissed them, or expressed that they made my heart go pitter-patter]

12:15 pm – I push my glasses up on my nose and craft a charming, witty, and adorably sarcastic email reply to boy #2. I allude to the fact we should make weekend plans knowing full well he will ignore them unless they are his idea. Click send. Wait with awkward nervous energy for his reply.

1:30 pm – OOO boy #4 has started skyping me. This one has been around for a few years, an old college friend. He’s looking for advice on how to ask a girl on a date. Note: He’s never asked me on a date.

3:00 pm – A reply from boy #2 is received! It’s hilarious, charming, and you guessed it, completely ignoring of my subtle suggestion to hang out. Oh well. I’ll quickly craft a hilarious retort knowing full well that he’ll smile like a dummy at his computer screen when he reads it. Send.

4:00 pm – Boy #1 sends a few more snaps. He has great hair and gorgeous green eyes. He’s been around the longest of any of these “best friends”. He’s good to me, but again, never tried to date me. Although, he gives great hugs.

4:32 pm – Quick response from Boy #2. Complains about work. Tells me I’m funny. Says he’s running away for the weekend… probably. No mention of inviting me. I remind myself that I am just a friend, and if he did have any sort of feelings for me that he would have done something by now… hopefully.

5:30 pm – Drive home to Google hangout with a friend from across the country.

8:30 pm – Best Google hangout ever. Boy #5 listens to my rants about boys 1-4 and says he understands how each of them want to be around me. He pays me high compliments, but he too has placed me on the same shelf as boys 1 through 4.

I am a best friend, not a girlfriend, not a hook-up, not a viable dating option.

I am a placeholder until some cuter girl with bigger “assets” comes along.

How do I know this will be the case? Because boys 1 through 5 are not the first I’ve had the pleasure of knowing, and I’m guessing they won’t be the last. These five fantastic gents are part of a long line of amazing guys who need someone to encourage them, uplift them, laugh with them, and boost their self-esteem. They are only with me for a flash. I’m gonna be honest, as much as I love these precious friendships, I can’t take much more.

I hate the phrase, “There’s some guy out there just waiting for you.”

These phrases don’t make any situation better. They don’t make the hushed ache of loneliness fade. They don’t make the quiet nights wishing for dreams to come feel any less heavy. These “hopes” that friends whisper in my ear while forgetting their own lonely nights only make mine sting harder.

It’s ok to be single. It’s ok to be every boy’s best friend, but at some point, something has to change. Do I have to change? Do I just have to wait? Do I have to stop nurturing these relationships that sustain my mundane days?

Unlike most of my stories, I have no answer to end with. I only have confusion with the hope that someday there will shine a light on why this happened, on why so many fantastic men have only ever seen me as “just a friend”, on why I’ve somehow become every boy’s best friend.

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  • Gina

    Laura, thank you so much for being so transparent. This is something that a lot of women can relate to. Myself, included.I hate the song and dance that we do when we’re trying to figure out whether he wants to be just friends or not. He texts me or snapchats me and I look for a signal that he wants more. I observe what he does, but it doesn’t matter how much I want more– it always seems to be the same; Just Friends. You’re right, telling me that there’s someone out there doesn’t help, but if I don’t believe that, then where does the hope exist? It terrifies me to think that God is going to keep me in this limbo forever. But, I know He is teaching me something through this time and has a plan for me. (Gina @www.shebelongstojesus.com)

  • lauralivingood

    It’s so hard to remember that limbo is temporary! I’m learning to just remember that life is short and it’s actually pretty cool to have so many wonderful guys in my life for now :) thanks for reading!

  • Anonymous Dude

    Not trying to be too harsh, but stop being friends with people you are interested in. At least to the extent that you exchange regular e-mails/snapchat/google hangout with. You’ll find dating life gets a lot less complicated. I get it, we don’t like being lonely and being someone’s bff is sometimes better than nothing. But I’ve learned we also need to have enough self-respect and maturity (not saying you don’t have any, just from my own experience) to know when it’s affecting us negatively and the courage to make positive changes for what we really want. You have the power to control the nature of your relationships. This holds true for both men and women.

    Just for disclosure, I’m a male, and I do have close friendships with women. But I’d hope that any one of them would be able to let me know if it’s bothering her because she wanted something more or was frustrated, and I the same to any of them. We always tell men to just “grow some balls” and just ask women out that they are in perpetual friend/bff zone with…works both ways.

    My .02. Good article.

  • Jeff

    And I gotta love how it posts my picture there….hahaha. Fail.

  • and I have no context but whats to say that one of them is harboring feelings for you with the hope that you may see them differently? Great thoughts laura!

  • MFlores

    Laura,
    I found this article so well articulated that it was used for a fall retreat discussion that I hosted this weekend. We (small group of gals) talked about the “friend zone” dynamic and turned up some great points. Certainly, you are not alone in your experiences as many guy/gal friendships take this form. What you have written, here, helped some of our girls to consider their own boundaries or lack thereof. Overall, we were touched by the article and hope you find your solution.

  • lauralivingood

    Oh my goodness! This just made my entire day. Thank you. I’m learning that bravery really is the solution: deciding if honesty is worth the risk. It’s a hard decision indeed.

  • lauralivingood

    There is one I’m hoping is “harboring feelings” but it’s deciding if it’s worth the risk to call it out. Sometimes being “just friends” is almost a safer (albeit more confusing) place to be. Thank you for reading!

  • lauralivingood

    There is one I’m hoping is “harboring feelings” but it’s deciding if it’s worth the risk to call it out. Sometimes being “just friends” is almost a safer (albeit more confusing) place to be. Thank you for reading!

  • lauralivingood

    I appreciate your thoughts anonymous dude :) It really does boil down to risk and comfort and deciding which one is scarier. In reality, comfort should scare us more than risk (telling someone our feelings) but that’s a post waiting to be written. Thanks for reading!

  • lauralivingood

    I appreciate your thoughts anonymous dude :) It really does boil down to risk and comfort and deciding which one is scarier. In reality, comfort should scare us more than risk (telling someone our feelings) but that’s a post waiting to be written. Thanks for reading!

  • Nadine Aires

    This is… absolutely an issue. Thank you for sharing – and making me feel that it’s not an isolated instance with myself.

  • Nadine Aires

    This is… absolutely an issue. Thank you for sharing – and making me feel that it’s not an isolated instance with myself.