Just Friends

[Guest post by friend Laura Livingood]

I am tired; tired of waiting for the right one to come along, tired of hearing how happy all of my friends are in their relationships, tired of becoming yet another boy’s best friend knowing full well that they will never fall in love with me. I am exhausted, and honestly, even if I gave up, I’m not sure it would ever end the cycle.

This is a day in the life of me AKA Every Boy’s Best Friend…

7:30 am – OOO a snapchat! It’s boy #1 making a groggy “good morning” face. Cute. I stick out my ducklips, find my myspace angle, and respond with a “morning!”

8:15 am – 17 new emails sitting in my gmail inbox. Scanning, junk mail, free shipping offer… OOO an email from boy #2 ranting about something silly and making fun of me in a way that makes me blush while sitting alone in my office. There’s been over 600 emails exchanged in the last 6 months with boy #2. This morning’s was just as wonderful as past ones.

11:30 am – Get out of a meeting to 3 snapchats and 2 texts; The snaps are from boy #1, the texts from boy #3.

[I’d like to clear this up right now, I have never dated any of the gentlefolk; never held their hands, kissed them, or expressed that they made my heart go pitter-patter]

12:15 pm – I push my glasses up on my nose and craft a charming, witty, and adorably sarcastic email reply to boy #2. I allude to the fact we should make weekend plans knowing full well he will ignore them unless they are his idea. Click send. Wait with awkward nervous energy for his reply.

1:30 pm – OOO boy #4 has started skyping me. This one has been around for a few years, an old college friend. He’s looking for advice on how to ask a girl on a date. Note: He’s never asked me on a date.

3:00 pm – A reply from boy #2 is received! It’s hilarious, charming, and you guessed it, completely ignoring of my subtle suggestion to hang out. Oh well. I’ll quickly craft a hilarious retort knowing full well that he’ll smile like a dummy at his computer screen when he reads it. Send.

4:00 pm – Boy #1 sends a few more snaps. He has great hair and gorgeous green eyes. He’s been around the longest of any of these “best friends”. He’s good to me, but again, never tried to date me. Although, he gives great hugs.

4:32 pm – Quick response from Boy #2. Complains about work. Tells me I’m funny. Says he’s running away for the weekend… probably. No mention of inviting me. I remind myself that I am just a friend, and if he did have any sort of feelings for me that he would have done something by now… hopefully.

5:30 pm – Drive home to Google hangout with a friend from across the country.

8:30 pm – Best Google hangout ever. Boy #5 listens to my rants about boys 1-4 and says he understands how each of them want to be around me. He pays me high compliments, but he too has placed me on the same shelf as boys 1 through 4.

I am a best friend, not a girlfriend, not a hook-up, not a viable dating option.

I am a placeholder until some cuter girl with bigger “assets” comes along.

How do I know this will be the case? Because boys 1 through 5 are not the first I’ve had the pleasure of knowing, and I’m guessing they won’t be the last. These five fantastic gents are part of a long line of amazing guys who need someone to encourage them, uplift them, laugh with them, and boost their self-esteem. They are only with me for a flash. I’m gonna be honest, as much as I love these precious friendships, I can’t take much more.

I hate the phrase, “There’s some guy out there just waiting for you.”

These phrases don’t make any situation better. They don’t make the hushed ache of loneliness fade. They don’t make the quiet nights wishing for dreams to come feel any less heavy. These “hopes” that friends whisper in my ear while forgetting their own lonely nights only make mine sting harder.

It’s ok to be single. It’s ok to be every boy’s best friend, but at some point, something has to change. Do I have to change? Do I just have to wait? Do I have to stop nurturing these relationships that sustain my mundane days?

Unlike most of my stories, I have no answer to end with. I only have confusion with the hope that someday there will shine a light on why this happened, on why so many fantastic men have only ever seen me as “just a friend”, on why I’ve somehow become every boy’s best friend.